Vida en Muerte
by ecaniaga
Summary: Following a slip-up in his diet, Jasper returns to school after six weeks to regulate his control around humans. However, an encounter with the new student Bella Swan leaves Jasper truly questioning his vegetarian lifestyle. Full Summary inside Jasper POV
1. Just Another Girl

**NOTE NEW READERS: THIS STORY IS ON PERMANENT HIATUS. IT WILL NOT BE UPDATED AGAIN AND WILL THUS, REMAIN INCOMPLETE. APOLOGIES, ECANIAGA.**

Chapter 1: Just Another Girl

(Jasper POV)

This was pure torture. Raw and blistering torture.

Every movement, every breath was like a fresh fire scorching arduously through my throat. How ignorant they all were. How oblivious they behaved towards the people that threatened certain death to them.

The constant onslaught of their voices cemented into a solid buzz of noise, where one voice was no longer distinguishable from the others. I watched as they flew in through the diner doors like rapid traffic, each eager to feast and gush about the most recent trivial gossip.

I hadn't expected it to be this hard. When I had made the decision to return, I had believed that it was in the best interests of my family's appearances. Surely my continued absence only further risked our exposure and the horrid revelation of what we truly were. But though I had been sure that I was prepared for the struggle I would inevitably face within myself, the tiny morsel of hope that I had built up had been shredded into a thousand pieces the minute I took one fatal step into the familiar stone building.

"Six weeks…" I whispered quietly. Only forty-two days since I had last stepped foot in this cafeteria. Not that I counted time in days. Days were a measurement that humans used to allocate time and meaning to their lives, marked by the setting and the rising of the sun. To me, time was a solid run of hours. Hours that never ceased to remind me of the vicious nature of my life.

I put my head against my hands and laid against the bumpy surface of the plastic table, vainly hoping to block the humans' scent out.

No such luck.

The soft odor of warm blood swirled around me in a disorienting haze, burning painfully through my mouth and throat and shifting my priorities from endurance to submission.

I could sense my 'siblings' anxiety and worry over me but I dismissed it quickly, evening out the tension with a strong wave of calm. I didn't have time to verbally placate them; They would have to make do with the reassurance of false emotions.

_You shouldn't have come back,_ I thought inwardly, cursing my unnecessary pride while mulling over an escape plan. It was too soon for human interaction, too soon to test the fragile stability of my self control. I had neither the patience nor the restraint to deny myself of what I truly wanted…

I was weak.

I shut my eyes and focused on the steady intake of my unnecessary breathing, feigning light sleep. Perhaps in an effort to focus on a human task, I could distract the demon within and pacify his thirst till the hunt tonight. But as soon as my eyelids faltered closed, darkness set in; pulling me back into my own haunting memories and subjecting me to the horrors that had occurred just six weeks ago...

It had never been intentional. The human shouldn't have been there, not while we were hunting. If only he had chosen somewhere else… If I could have known… If Alice could have seen what would take place…

But there was no way that she could have. No way to prevent the snap decision that was made.

I laughed humorlessly to myself.

Ironic wasn't it? A snap decision was all it took to for me to decide that hiker's fate. And a snapped neck was all it took to silence his scream and destroy everything I had worked so hard to gain.

Edward cleared his throat loudly, thumping his hands against the table and throwing me a warning glare. I smiled apologetically and shook the horrid memory from my mind as I tried once again to focus on anything other than burning inferno at the back of my throat.

It was still raining. Of course. The one consistent factor in this dreary town was it's abnormally high rainfall, the promise of more cloudy days to come.

"_Which one? Oh, Jasper Hale…"_

My false name was being murmured in the far reaches of the cafeteria corner, a familiar and irksome tone of voice. Jessica Stanley, the somewhat "Queen Bee" of the socially challenged school, was speaking of me in a low, awestruck whispers. I was used to the banality of high school crushes and I doubted that the conversation in question was fuelled by nothing more than a ridiculous infatuation.

"_He's stunning, yes… Tall, lean, yet perfectly muscly.." _

Who ever she was speaking to did not reply, so I assumed they was merely nodding along vigorously, gazing timidly upon the alluring family who tempted all. It was hard enough to resist the pull of humans that were wary to keep distance from of us, let alone ignore the temptation of enticing, soft girls who threw themselves upon us like fresh meat. The fact that I was single only spurred them on further.

I stared into the translucent reflection of the sheet glass windows and watched as the rain drops crashed and cascaded down the lucid surface, tumbling to the ground like raucous pellets. The noise was but light patter to the humans, but it thundered down relentlessly in my receptive ears, washing out my thoughts with it's clamorous sound.

A shudder racked through my body as the eyes in the reflection of the window stared back intensely, mocking me with a face that didn't fit. It didn't belong. It wasn't human. My irises had long lost the tinge of crimson victim's blood, yet the speckles of gold that were still visible behind the encroaching black, seemed like pleasant lies in the face of all that I had done.

"Maybe you should go," Alice said softly, her tone drenched in concern.

I didn't deserve her concern. Contempt maybe, but never her mercy or trepidation. Alice had always been my savior, my liberator from the flames of hell. She had shown me light in a world shrouded in darkness. Life, when all I had known was death. She was the closest thing I had to a sister, and she cared far too much for my well being. But I no longer deserved it…

I had been balancing on the precipice too long, and now I had taken my fall from grace and from decency.

"Do you see something?" I asked quietly, my lips moving at a rate far too high for any human to perceive.

Her silence and the soft grimace sprawled across her marble face informed me of all that I needed to know; I would fall further.

"Wisps and blurs, nothing's set in stone," She said faintly, trying to reassure me with sincere words.

But it was untrue. Some things were destined to collapse, their fates held by beings far above the mortal coil.

I was one such thing- and I knew it, beyond the shadow of a doubt.

"I'll leave," I said decisively, picking up the untouched tray in front of me and heading towards the door.

Edward stilled me with his marble grip and slipped the Volvo's key into my hand, but I politely declined. Driving was an exercise I indulged in when I was composed, what I needed now was to run deep into the dense surrounding forests and lose myself to the animal within.

I lumbered forward at human pace, the burning in my throat ten-folding as I passed the delectable scents. It was foolish to think that I would ever achieve the self control that my siblings possessed; my upbringing had been anything but controlled. But then, perhaps that was my down fall? My stubbornness to believe that I could achieve any sort of restraint.

Would an optimist be more successful than a pessimist, living as a being born from hell?

No one in the noisy diner seemed to notice my hasty exit, they're delicate attention span was occupied with the latest supplement to the diminutive group of students in this school. The name of Isabella Swan played on the lips of almost every student in the crowded cafeteria, obsessed with impressing or courting the fragile human. I was yet to see the girl myself, but I had little interest in knowing her, let alone seeing her.

Just another girl. Another girl who would be both drawn to us and inadvertently fearful of what she couldn't understand.

I dumped the tray and walked swiftly into the hall, filling my lungs with an air not saturated in the warmth of human blood. Their scents still lingered on almost every surface of the small school, but the weak potency was like fresh wind after suffering through the cafeteria ordeal.

Standing in the middle of the quiet hallway, for the hundredth time today I felt completely and utterly lost. What now? What actions needed to be taken to make my hasty departure plausible?

I wandered aimlessly towards the front of the school lobby, not particularly paying attention to the direction I was headed. I knew I that I couldn't simply skip out, no matter how appealing the idea presented itself. My prolonged unexplained absence was sketchy enough, without adding truancy to my record.

But could I handle my own blatant desires? Would it be possible for me to maintain restraint in the cozy, heated office with just myself and the overly attentive Mrs. Cope? She held not one ounce of the appeal that the students did, but surely in a room so tiny I would suffocate on the mere warmth of her blood.

My face twisted into a sardonic smile as I imagined the old woman gazing helpfully over her desk at my approaching form. She would fluster and stutter as I unleashed the full extent of my charm and I would pull her roughly over the smooth mahogany wood, slicing my teeth across her throat as I lapped at the sweet flow of blood.

The rough bang of a locker echoed in the distance down the hall and I was ripped back to reality with a painful blow.

I was a hideous monster. A disgusting, malevolent fiend that deserved nothing more than an eternity of fire and brimstone.

_Well, there's no way you can sign out now,_ my mind added spitefully, mocking me for dawdling in dangerous fantasies. I sighed loudly and burst through the entrance doors, hitting them with such ferocity that the thin glass shook violently in their frames.

This would always be my life.

Not strong enough to enough to stay in the presence of humans, but too strong to simply give into the pull and live as a nomad.

I walked in both worlds, but belonged to neither.

Stumbling forward through the downpour of rain, I slumped against the side walk and sloshed my feet through the puddles. I had to get out of here, it was the only option with current circumstances. Let the school and it's shallow minded students think what they wanted of my rash exit, there was no way that I would allow my pride to risk any more lives.

A pair of faltering footsteps behind me alerted me to the fact that I was no longer alone. I quickly picked myself up from the side walk, not wishing to be found huddled in the rain and recognized as weak, though I was surely nothing other than it.

It was in this moment of silent shame that I first experienced the true meaning of torment. Anything I had felt, anything I had suffered was incomparable to the agony I experienced in that moment.

There she was, wavering awkwardly through the rain as she ran to the office. Just another girl. Another girl that I would tear to pieces as I gave into the incomprehensible temptation of the human's blood. Her identity did not matter, though I knew it immediately from her unfamiliarity.

Isabella Swan, the new girl. And by the end of the day- Forks' most tragic disappearance. Her blood was almost cripplingly sweet and in that moment I knew that I had never wanted anything more.

She ran faster towards the small heated office as the rain thundered heavier, soaking through her flimsy rain jacket.

I smiled pleasantly to myself. Surely the heat and proximity of the cramped room would only make the girl smell even more delectable. There would be no more torture, no more struggle and resistance. I **would** take the girl and I would relish in the no doubt divine taste of the blood that called for me so.

The office door slammed open viciously as a large howl of wind blew through the room. I watched as my prey darted forward gracelessly and attempted to reign in the large slab of mahogany, her face scrunching in exertion. Only after great labor and assistance from Mrs. Cope did the fragile human manage to shut the door.

_Uncommonly weak…_ My mind thought softly, _Even for a human. It will be almost too easy to take her._

I smiled once more as I imagined how easily my teeth would slice the pale skin above her collar, how the steady ebb of blood would flow over her shirt as I lapped up the content.

She didn't have a chance.

As my feet glided smoothly over the soaked cement, I began to take my footsteps in time with the steady thrum of the girl's heart. With each step I took, the human's heart counted down the seconds till her death. It was almost poetic that her heart beat should act as the count down for our _encounter_. The only way she could stop my foot steps was to stop her heart beating at all.

My hand grasped the cool railing besides me as I pulled myself closer towards the office, the scent enticing me with the promise of better things to come.

"No."

The word was spoken with clarity and conviction from behind me, before I was pulled to my knees by three separate pairs of arms.

I thrashed and growled violently at my family as they struggled to tear me from my temptation. This wasn't fair, I wouldn't let them deny me of the sweetest blood I had ever smelt. I wanted it. I **needed** it.

"Enough Jasper!" Edward commanded loudly as he surveyed the growing fantasies in my mind. "She's just a girl, an innocent, a human."

I knew that he was trying to appeal to the goodness within me, but he had no idea how far gone that Jasper currently was. Right now that Jasper was dead, forgotten, smothered by the monster's need for sustenance.

If it wasn't now, it would be later. If it wasn't here it would be somewhere else. It didn't matter where or when, I knew that I would take the girl. And there was no pleading or strength that could stifle me.

"Please… Jasper… Stop!" Alice sobbed loudly as she threw her hands to her head in an attempt to block out the violent images of my future.

I smiled at the certainty of my success and was backhanded across the face by a livid Rosalie.

"Get him into the car," she spat as she moved to comfort Alice.

I was thrown into the back of the Volvo by a disgruntled Edward who gestured for Emmett to sit and hold me. I could see the conflict in Emmett's eyes as he pulled my arms into his fists in an effort to restrain me.

"Sorry Bro," He muttered quietly. "You're not yourself right now, this isn't you."

"I feel just fine," I replied calmly, hiding the smile that was threatening to sprawl across my features.

They could stop me now, but sooner or later they would falter. They would falter and I would succeed in taking the Swan girl's life.

As the rest of my siblings climbed into cramped car, I watched contentedly as the object of my desire ran swiftly through the rain and back into the cover of the school premises.

Tonight I would become what I had forbidden myself to be. By the rise of the sun I would cease to walk in both worlds and commence my life as a separate being entirely.

At the peak of the moon's appearance tonight, I would truly be a vampire.

**Hahaha, I bet you've missed that huh? My tendency to end chapters with cliffies.**

**As said on my profile, updates will not be as regular as they were in Amor Prohibido, but as I have the next few days off the next couple will probably be quite quick depending on how this is received. **

**Reviews are highly appreciated, especially since it's a new story and all.**

**x**


	2. Is This Life?

**Longish Chapter ; )**

Chapter 2: Is this life?

The trip home, though brief and swift, was spent in utter silence.

It was in moments like these that I resented my "gift" entirely. I didn't want to feel what they felt. I didn't want to know how disappointed, how enraged and yet how truly feeble they felt. I could read the emotions plain enough on their face without the aid of my own abilities.

They were lost.

Because Jasper was lost. Gone. Forgotten.

I had long lost sight of the Swan girl, and yet her scent lingered around my head like some vivid dream. I had not even made contact with the human, but she seemed to cling to the very fibers of my being and the air around me. She was like a stunning perfume that hung in the atmosphere long after the first initial spray. A delectable and rousing scent that made it nearly impossible for me to **not** to think of how she would taste.

Edward growled lethally and swerved the car hard left as he registered my thoughts once more.

I frowned slightly and opted to focus my thoughts on my training during my newborn years, thinking only now and then on how my hunt could proceed. It would be difficult to execute a plan with both Edward and Alice monitoring my thoughts and future. Both would be on hyper alert as of now, always watching and waiting for my mind to take a dangerous turn. Decades of practice had allowed me to employ certain "blocks" from Edward's intrusive power, but it was nearly impossible to out smart Alice when it came to the question of one's future.

So how could I act? What could I do to create a feasible strategy that would result in my success?

_She's innocent, she shouldn't have to suffer for your sick delusions and desires!_

The small part of my mind that was screaming in protest was noting but a quiet voice in comparison to the demon within. The moral, ethically correct side of Jasper knew that what I desired was wrong and yet he was helpless to prevent the monster's thirst. It was impossible to resist, it was impossible to deny myself of the sweetest blood I had ever smelt in over one hundred years. And it was, without a doubt, the most tantalizing scent that had ever crossed my path and I would savor the taste of it until the blood ran cold.

…But it would destroy me.

Perhaps not immediately, but like a disease working slowly through my body, the guilt would eat through system and leave nothing but a dark whole where my heart was. I would be alone and isolated from the family that I had been with for decades… In ruining the girl, I would ruin myself.

"You will," Edward said quietly, pulling onto the long driveway of our hidden house. "When this girl is gone, the guilt and loathing left behind will destroy you."

I seethed quietly and tore my wrists from Emmett's grasp, slumping against the soft leather. Where had my sanity gone? I had never been as strong as the others, but I had never actively sought out a victim, a victim who had not harmed me in any way.

As quickly as the blow of reason had come, a blow of thirst fought back, forcing my thoughts back to memories of the smell and aroma of… _her._

It was easier not give her an identity. For if I did, the moral half, the good half, of Jasper would resurface; stopping the monster taking what it wanted.

"Out," Edward said softly, turning the ignition off and sitting still in the driver's seat.

I was smart enough not to refuse him. Sane or not, I understood that Edward was one of the most compassionate in our family when it came to humans- Second only to Carlisle. Arguing with him or making a fuss now would only incense his anger later.

Emmett and Rosalie forwarded out of the car first, pausing slightly to ensure that I was following. I muffled the grunt that threatened to release itself and jumped lithely from the backseat, preparing myself to face the disappointment I knew would be evident in Esme and Carlisle's face when they found out about my unexpected change of heart.

"They know?" I asked quickly to a grief stricken Alice.

"Y..Yes, I called them immediately after I…"

I nodded silently, cutting off her explanation. Alice's pain was already excruciatingly acute without the harsh blow fresh memories provided. If there was one thing sharp enough to penetrate through the monster inside my heart, it was the fact that I was causing Alice pain. Too much pain. Though I refused to see that this Bella girl was innocent, I knew with great certainty that Alice did not deserve the anguish I was bestowing upon her. She was good, kind and compassionate- everything that I was presently not. While she disagreed strongly with my current views on a human's life, I knew that if I should ask, she would listen to my arguments and try to understand…

A thought occurred to me then before I'd had the chance to censor it.

Alice was the key. She was the one that I could use to reach my goal.

I halted my thoughts then and there before I could alert Edward to anything more. It would be difficult and risky to complete such a task, but I knew that -if given the time- I could complete my hunt with ease and precision.

I refused to let my subconscious decide on anything else, lest reveal my plan to Alice. It was challenging and somewhat irritating that I could not give more thought to such a delicate decision but I knew that if I contemplated the idea more, I was sure to give myself away.

Therefore I knew, but did not know. I thought, but did not think.

"Come on," Emmett said softly, gesturing for me to move inside the large foyer. "Mum and Dad are waiting…"

I turned and gave him a weak smile in an effort of reassurance. However, my face was so disfigured by the mask of the monster that my friendly expression soon twisted into a painful grimace. Emmett was usually such a carefree spirit that it cut me deeply to know that I had changed him so.

_They'll all change,_ my mind added softly. _If you go through with this, you'll lose them all… and yourself…_

I shook my head roughly in an effort to rid myself of the internal chatter. I had lived the "good" life for years now and I had learnt nothing. What was the point? Who was I living for? I had nothing and no one to love but my family…

I was alone.

"Jasper, son."

Carlisle's voice was like a sharp knife cutting through my dark thoughts and ripping me back into reality. His face, though welcoming and warm, seemed worn at this moment, the equivalent to what I imagined a human would resemble without a years worth of sleep. The luminous beauty that seemed to accompany all vampires seemed faded and dull on his face…

He looked old.

"Father," I replied impassively, nodding once to acknowledge his greeting before turning to face Esme. "Mother, you look.."

'Good' certainly was not the correct word. Esme looked similar to Carlisle as she stood before me; tired, weary and slightly disheveled. I wondered vaguely how quickly it took for their once bright faces to fade into their current ones. As I glanced around my family I was immensely glad that no one in the room could feel my emotions in that moment. For surely if they could, they would recognize my indecisiveness and attempt to use it as leverage to try and dissuade my decisions about the Swan girl.

I was torn.

On one hand, I had never wanted anything in my life more than I had wanted this strangely alluring girl. But on the other, I had lived this life for so long that I had grown accustomed to it and was unsure of how to give it up.

"I suppose you understand why we are having this… discussion.." Carlisle asked uncomfortably, shifting on his feet and gesturing from me to sit down in the lounge room.

"I have an inkling," I replied haughtily, slumping between the leather cushions and crossing my legs. "You wish to deter my thoughts from the taking of an innocent life, do you not?"

"In a matter of word's, yes."

I nodded once more, pursing my lips slightly.

"She's just a innocent girl," Carlisle whispered, moving to sit beside me. "She's another human, another life. It is not your right to take that away from her, only God should wield the power over who lives and dies-"

"Oh please Carlisle!" I interrupted tersely, "God has nothing to do with this and you know it!"

"Even so," He continued, seemingly taken back by my words. "This girl should not have to die. Why is she different? What makes her an exception from the others!?"

"Everything dammit!" I fumed loudly, throwing the vase next to me across the room. "Do you think that I want it to be like this? That I want to become the monster, the hunter I was during my newborn years? I don't want to become this!"

"Then don't," Alice whimpered softly.

I recognized my own grief reflected in her dark pupils and felt a stab of pain ripple through my torso as I prepared to initialize phase one of my plan.

_I know this is wrong… _I thought quietly, halting Edward's no doubt meticulous analysis of my mind. _I need help, if I'm to get through this I need to hunt…_

"That's good Jasper," Edward spoke up, alerting our conversation to the rest of our family. "Admitting that you need help is the first step."

"This isn't an AA meeting Edward," I rebutted quickly, rolling my eyes. "This is a case of life or death not a severe alcoholism issue."

"The same rule's apply," Esme spoke up swiftly, sitting down at my left hand side. "This girl **is** your alcohol, she's an addiction that you need to give up."

I hated involving Esme so much in this issue. If there was one person that I struggled to lie to in this family, it was my mother figure. Her angelic features and honest goodness made it appear as if you were lying to an angel, rather than a hundred-and-something year old vampire.

"I know," I whispered quietly, slumping my head between my hands. "I don't want to be this person. I wish I could be stronger, I wish that I could be like you.."

It certainly wasn't a lie, but I knew within myself that it would be proven false. While I **did** know that I truly did wish to be stronger, a large majority of myself was simply to weak to find the sort of strength within myself that the others had found. It was easier to play the role of the "youngest" when it came to how long I had lived this lifestyle. Being the most inexperienced gave me leeway to a different sort of life. I could make mistakes, I could cause damage and I would be forgiven. But would I be forgiven for this?

Edward cleared his throat loudly, redirecting my attention to the conversation at hand. "I think that if we're to make any progress, Jasper should be at full strength and right of mind. We need to get him hunting immediately so that he can retain a healthy level of control as we discuss what needs to be done."

Carlisle nodded his agreement, communicating a silent word between himself and Edward.

"You do realize Jasper," Carlisle began, a tense mood settling over his form. "We really cannot let you hunt by yourself. It's not that we don't trust you…"

_Huge lie._

"…We just need to take precautions. You may come across another human scent, or this Bella girl may be on a hike…"

I stifled the moan that threatened to fall from my mouth at that instant. What a treat that would be. How indescribably perfect a brief encounter with her would be whilst I was out on a hunt.

"Jasper, stop!" Edward snapped quickly, moving to stand quite a distance from me. "You need to stop thinking of her as if she's some sort of snack. Give her a family, give her dreams and ambitions. For God's sake- just recognize that she has a life!"

I recoiled back from his harsh words and swung my arms across my chest in a petulant manner. What did Edward know? He had never lived the type of life that I had. He had no idea how hard it was to go from drinking the wine of Gods, to drinking the dirt that lay beneath their feet.

"You know very well that I've tasted human blood before Jasper."

"Murderers and rapists," I scoffed lightly. "You've never even slept with a woman, let alone tasted one."

A surge of fury emanated through his body as he leapt lethally through the air, colliding with my chest and splitting the couch in two.

I laughed softly as I detangled myself from the pile of debris, brushing the remaining splinters from my clothes. "Oh bravo Edward," I applauded sarcastically. "Dismantle the furniture why don't you? And hey, while you're at it, why don't yo-"

"That's enough!" Carlisle interjected, silencing the immature argument. "Jasper, you are completely out of line here. Edward is trying to help! You **need** help, you have to hunt."

I nodded mutely, wishing to rid myself from the others almost immediately.

"If I am forbidden to go by myself," I began, ignoring the surge of impatience from Edward. "Then I would wish that Alice may accompany me."

I could sense the strong suspicion emitting from Edward as he rifled through my thoughts, searching for an alterative motive. I thought of nothing but the thirst in my throat, concentrating on the pain and the burn rather than what I knew what alleviate it. Upon finding nothing out of the norm, Edward returned to voicing every opinion that crossed his mind.

"I don't think it would be wise to send just Alice.." He began, disregarding Alice's pleas and interjections. "It would be sensible to send at least one other. If, as you say Carlisle, Jasper comes across a human scent, it is vital that we act in force to stop him. We don't want a repeat of what happened last time.."

A stab of pain rippled through my abdomen as Edward's words hit home. It had been more than a month since the hiker's death and yet I found it nearly impossible to forgive myself for the taking of his life. It was odd that I could feel so guilty about taking one life, yet totally disregard my plan to take another.

"I know you're sorry Jasper," Edward whispered, directing the conversation solely to me. "I know you want to forget what happened, but you can't. If anything, that incident should help you to see reason against committing another. Isabella Swan has done nothing, she is just the same as the hiker, a bystander- just a girl."

It was as if my conscience had been split in two. Half of it could see total reason in Edward's words, it understood right and wrong, death and life. But the other half, the more prominent half, did not comprehend the girl's innocence. It refused to see that she deserved life, it only knew of desire and reward.

I was listening to **that** half.

"Emmett," I whispered quickly, picking up from the forgotten conversation. "If you want someone else to join the hunt, send Emmett."

Once again, Edward searched my mind, attempting to understand why I would want the strongest of the family to accompany me. It was clear that I was not completely in my right mind and it seemed odd to him that I should suddenly request a man of strength.

"Think about it," I continued, sensing the hesitation in the room. "Emmett is the strongest out of all of us. If I come across any 'distractions' who's better to restrain me than him?"

Emmett's form flushed with pride as he took in my words. A second ripple of guilt shot through my body as I thought of how hurt he would be if he knew the real reason why I had invited him.

"Done," Carlisle said finally, nodding for Emmett to join us. "You, Emmett and Alice shall hunt. You are not to come within ten miles of any residential areas or hiking areas and you have until seven pm to return. Esme, Edward, Rosalie and myself will remain here and you are to contact us if any issues arise."

"You can trust me father, I won't let you down…"

_Huge lie._

Carlisle nodded once, smiling with a soft happiness that did not reach his eyes.

"You have strength Jasper," He spoke quietly, "You just need to find it."

With his final words said, I staggered from the room and into the light rain of the mid afternoon light. It would be dusk soon. Another night, another day in my monotonous life complete. I walked swiftly through the open expanse of trees around me, making sure to keep my mind occupied whilst I was still in range of Edward's 'gift.'

_Hunt, kill, drink. Corner, frighten, slay. Bite, slice, drain._

I repeated the same hunting techniques until we were deep into the dense forest, far from the town centre of Forks.

"**I** trust you," Alice whispered in all sincerity, taking my hand in hers and turning to face me.

"I know you do sis," I replied softly, removing my hand from her's and swinging it around her shoulder in a much more sibling manner. "I've just got to prove myself to the others."

I knew that Alice did not love me in a romantic way, but there were certain bends in her emotions, small sections which seemed to buzz and glow around me in the same way many school girls did. Trivial crushes and infatuations were a common occurrence in the dumb witted girls at school, but I found it quite unnerving to find similar emotions reflected in Alice's ora. She was a friend, a sister to me, nothing more. I had been in relationships before- if you could define what I had as 'relationship.' It was always physical, always with humans. I had never been in love and frankly, lately I had found myself doubting it's existence.

During my newborn years I had used women for only two things; Pleasure and sustenance. Or, as my many comrades liked to label it; sex and breakfast. I could barely recall my human ideals regarding women and as such, shaped my own based on experience and the relationships I found around me.

"How you holding up?" Emmett asked hoarsely, shaking the water content from his clothes and body. "Thirsty?"

"Just a little," I countered sardonically. "It's not often you come across a scent so appealing… It's a little hard to resist."

"I know," Emmett said simply, his face twisted into an ill-fitting serious expression.

I sighed quietly as I remembered Emmett's encounter with true torture. He had not put it off as long as I- He had taken her then and there, drunk from her until the body had grown still and lifeless.

And he had been forgiven.

"We should hunt," Alice interjected quickly, halting the unspoken moment that had passed between Emmett and I. "You're going to need to feed quite a substantial amount if you want to retain a sense of control."

I nodded once and prepared to commence phase two of my plan.

"There's some great grizzly caves a bit further down south if you wanted to check them out Em."

Emmett's eyes shone with excitement as Alice's emotions dropped into doubt. She knew that something was amiss and yet even Alice was too trusting to question my motives.

"We'll all go," She said promptly, stepping away from my embrace and standing beside Emmett. "Hell, I could do with some grizzly bear myself!"

"Wonderful," I replied slowly, smiling in a manner which would have been sure to frighten any human. Alice needed to hunt. If Alice was hunting, her mind would be distracted. If her mind was distracted, she would be less likely to have a vision of anything I were to decide on soon.

We ran through the forest swiftly, ripping through the trees like bullets in the evening light. My heart screamed in objection at the actions it knew I would perform, but my mind still belonged to the monster, and it was intent on completing my task quickly and diligently.

I found what I was searching for almost immediately. It was as if the universe **wanted** me to take the life of the girl. As if they were cheering me on in my plight of murder.

There they were. A herd of elk were grazing not two miles down from where the grizzlies were. Quite a distance for any human, but a short trip for one of us.

Emmett leapt gracefully towards the grizzlies without another glance back at me. That's why Emmett was the perfect for this. Though strong and powerful, he was easily distracted- especially when it came to the subject of hunting. Alice would be harder, but once immersed in a hunt, I knew that she would not spare me another thought until finished.

"You okay?" Alice asked softly, tugging slightly at my shirt. "I can still trust you right?"

My heart splintered at her words as I held back the frown that would give me away.

"Of course you can," I said earnestly, smiling with all the conviction I could muster. "I'm still me…"

_Are you?_

"…Go hunt," I whispered quietly. "I'm in the mood for elk."

Sweet, naïve Alice nodded without another word. It would destroy her when she found out that I had lied. Destroy and demolish her. I watched as she pranced lethally towards where Emmett fought against an irritable grizzly and joined into the action. There was something strangely elegant about the way Alice fought. Though she had the ability to cover the entire forest in blood, her precision and skill made it seem as if she were dancing rather than hunting.

And so my decision was made. It was up to fate now to determine what would happen.

I was running before I could make another seconds thought. Ripping the shirt from my body, I threw the item towards the herd of elk and strode faster through the trees. The shirt would work only for a minute, if that, but at least my scent would be slightly stronger than nothing at all. Now that my decision had been made, Alice would see. Not now, but eventually. When her focus had returned she would see. But what would she do? Would they come after me, or would they leave? Either way, I knew that time was not on my side.

I knew where I was going, everyone in Forks new where Police Chief Swan lived. I knew that I would arrive any minute, but my stomach curled in anxious knots; a mixture of both excitement and pre-meditated murderous guilt.

It wasn't long before I reached the area in the forest where the trees began to thin. It signaled my approach to the small area of suburbia. The area where I would end two lives; her's and mine.

The small white house was found with little trouble, it was the same one that the chief had lived in for years. I could smell the girl from where I stood and the scent left my senses completely stunned. How was it that one person could hold such appeal?

The final ray's of sunlight disappeared beneath the horizon, a dark blanket covering the sky and hiding my movements from unwanted eyes. It seemed impossible that my plan had worked the way I was hoping and I floated towards the Swan residence with a euphoric high. I was getting what I had wanted.

I had won.

A large, 1953 Chevy pickup took-up a large majority of the street and I wondered absentmindedly who in their right mind would drive such a tank. There were no cars in the drive and I could hear no approaching traffic within a mile's radius.

"Perfect…" I whispered quietly, swaggering towards the front porch with a sick smile plastered on my face.

The front door, though clearly the most appropriate entrance, seemed too risky for my taste. There had to be a less intrusive way to reach the girl, perhaps a window or balcony?

_She would come to you,_ my thoughts reminded me immediately. _You can be very persuasive when you need to be…_

As appealing as the thought was, I could not risk us being sighted or hindered by another. No. This needed to happen inside, away from the prying eyes of others.

A slow beat of jazz floated effortlessly through the house, redirecting my attention to the blood inside. The brassy tunes of a soft saxophone tune resonated from an upstairs window and I found myself momentarily stunned by not only the call of the girl's blood, but by her unique taste in music. The tunes of John Coltrane continued to play as I swung fluidly into a large, oak tree beside the house, pulling myself in level to the window where the music flooded from…

…It was in this instant that I first truly saw Isabella Swan.

And in that very same moment, my entire universe shifted.

**Please don't kill me, I promise I won't do it again next chapter. The whole "talk/plan" thing took longer than I anticipated and I didn't want to start the moment where Jasper goes to Bella without finishing it- So I am leaving it all to the next chapter!**

**Thank you very much for all your reviews, they were so wonderful to read after being away from FF for so long! I'm trying to hit 50 this time, so do what you can to help.**

**If you have any questions at all (which I'm sure plenty of you do) just ask and I'll answer as best I can. Just remember that Alice's vision isn't always spot on. In Midnight Sun she didn't even realize that Edward could have killed Bella until the day was over.**

**Thhaannkkss**

**x**


	3. Indecision

**Thank you very much for all the reviews, they were very kind. I realize this chapter has taken a while longer to get out but for some reason I found it harder to write this chapter than the others. Plus, my laptop's internet is having a real hissy-fit and refuses to let me onto anything, so fingers crossed that the computer I am on now works!!**

**Disclaimer: (Forgot it on the previous chapters too) I don't own Twilight.**

Chapter 3: Indecision

_The tunes of John Coltrane continued to play as I swung fluidly into a large, oak tree beside the house, pulling myself in level to the window where the music flooded from…_

…_It was in this instant that I first truly saw Isabella Swan._

_And in that very same moment, my entire universe shifted._

There she sat; The hunt, the desire, the forbidden.

Just another girl. A girl, who mere minutes ago, had been nothing more than meat. Nothing more than a meal to quench the thirst that burned. She had meant and been nothing.

Yet now she was something.

The monster that grappled below the force of my will stilled within it's inner shell, rendered immobile by new instincts.

Though the thirst still raged relentlessly at my throat, fresh feelings arose within myself- feelings that I had long thought forgotten. No longer was I merely plagued by my desire for her blood. No longer did I feel nothing but raw want for this strange girl. Looking upon her broken, trembling form… I felt sorrow.

I watched as tears ran fluidly down her furrowed face; Slipping from her pointed chin and littering lightly across the timber floors. Her foot continued to tap leisurely with the tunes of a strident tuba, yet her emotions delved into waves of deep sorrow, misery and nostalgia. Towards the bridge of the song, her face broke into a watery smile and I found my body aching with a newfound jealousy of Edward's unique ability.

What I wouldn't pay… What I wouldn't give to borrow ears so I might listen to her mind.

Curiosity flowed ferociously through my veins as I yearned to know which distant memory the music brought to mind. What was it that she missed so terribly? What remote recollection was her mind so thoroughly occupied with?

She sighed softly and rocked her body tighter, wrapping her arms around her torso and shaking her head slowly from side to side. My body instinctively lurched forward in an offensive stance as the heat from the small room pushed her scent towards me in a thundering blow, igniting the forgotten fire.

_It would be easy to take her now,_ my mind reminisced quietly, taunting me with thoughts I couldn't resist _…And think of how it would help her, you could put her out of all her pain… You could be her savior, her angel of death._

I shuddered violently at the mental image of her broken body, a body that lay torn and mangled in my stone arms.

The dream no longer fit the thoughts… It was not what I desired.

Yet, could that statement be true? Could I ignore a scent that called me so? A scent that, by all accounts, had the power to completely change a person so that logic was but foreign knowledge to them.

My face stretched into a sadistic smile as the monster within registered my uncertainty. It knew that it was stronger. It knew that it would win.

How easy it would be for me to taste her now. How easy it would be for me to pry her window open and slip in undetected as she slept beneath the waves of grief and sorrow.

My thoughts strayed into dangerous delights as the heat from the room rolled towards me slowly, begging my body to submit. I welcomed the pleasure gladly and breathed the scent in with eager ferocity as my mind grew closer to submission… Closer to acceptance.

"You were always there… Always mine…"I stiffened into a rigid halt as the words first slipped from my desire. It was clear that she had spoken… But who was it that she had she spoken of? What figure had she left so suddenly in Phoenix that caused her heart ache now?

"I did it for you," She continued softly, speaking as if the figure themselves lay waiting in the wings. "You were unhappy, so I left. But I didn't think I would feel so… "

"…empty," I breathed out faintly, pushing myself closer to the window as if to communicate my own conformity.

I choked quietly on the breath within my throat and threw my head between my arms, sobbing softly into the fabric of my shirt.

It was strange how greatly one moment could change a man, but in that instant of mutual grief I knew that I was no longer alone.

Stubborn, foolish, rash and tough perhaps, but not alone. Never again forlorn...

…Because she existed. And she knew too well how it felt. The pain, the ache and uncertainty of isolation- She felt it all so sharply. Her body screamed and writhed from the pain and yet her face remained a careful slate of calm as the tears continued to flow sinuously down her pale cheeks.

I watched her now through another's eyes and reveled in the very company of her stinging soul. I wanted to help her. I wanted to make her feel the way I wished I could. I clambered closer towards the steamy glass and pressed a single finger against it's surface, hoping in vain to make the connection between us stronger.

I feared then that she had perhaps noticed my presence, for she shuffled restlessly from her position on the floor and wandered gradually towards my huddle at her window, emotions swinging from grievance to curiosity.

_She'll stop soon… She hasn't noticed anything, she's just-_

My internal prattle was abruptly silenced when she walked straight up to the foggy glass and began to pull roughly at the base of it, groaning softly with exertion.

_Shit._

I scurried quickly from my perve-post at her window and slipped between the branches of the oak, positing myself somewhat awkwardly adjacent to the base of her bedroom floor.

The window screamed in protest as she pushed it forcibly open and threw her head into the cool evening air, exhaling in relief and rendering me immobile with the intensity of her salivating scent.

Her heart hammered thunderously above me and I moaned quietly at my inward torture, wanting nothing more than to reach up on my toes and slice my teeth across her long, ivory neck.

No. I wouldn't. She was in pain enough already, she didn't deserve what I'd had planned.

She sighed roughly and glanced briefly in all directions surrounding the window, her emotions coloring slightly with irritancy.

"Charlie, where are you?" She huffed quietly, chewing softly on the inside of her cheek.

I held back my own sigh of relief and grasped my hands tighter on the oak beside me, not wishing to fall from my position and thus reveal my presence. I needed to leave. I needed to run now, or risk not only my exposure- But the life of one that I had grown to need…

…And that was the truth of it.

I _needed_ her. She understood, she felt exactly what I felt and yet here she was, Alive.

_Is that the way you want to leave her_? The demon taunted, throwing my mind into a thousand fantasies of blood baths and pleasure pools. _You came here for a reason, I think it's time you finished it._

I growled lethally and shook the images from my mind hastily. It would not play out that way. I could not and **would** not let it.

The angel above me stared down questioningly towards the ground, obviously thrown by the sound of an animal not far beneath her window. I pursed my lips tightly and mentally chastised myself for making such an idiotic mistake… What else was she going to do? Ignore the feral sounding animal below and just shut the window?

Her body leaned down lower as she searched for the culprit of the noise and her shirt fluttered lightly against the blustery breeze of the night. I glanced up briefly towards her and was left static by the sight before my eyes…

Her entire shirt had billowed open against the wind and I could all but _see_ her heart beat straining against the supple flesh of her breast. Her smooth, alabaster skin was but a fine film that covered her form and I found my own body reacting not only to her blood, but to her femininely figure.

I watched as her torso bent further in an effort to search for the animal and I was overcome with an emotion that I had not experienced in almost a year;

Want, need, _lust…_

The heart that had sat motionless inside my dusty chest… stirred.

I realized in that moment that I wanted her to lean further, I wanted to expose more of that delectable flesh that was taunting me so.

However my fresh desires were suddenly diminished as her attention was ripped from the perusal of the garden to an oncoming car rolling slowly up the street.

How had she heard that before I? Was I so caught up with the sights below her shirt, that I had completely blocked all other senses out?

I shuddered with disgust as I recognized my character traits reflected several of the young, hormonal teenage boys at Forks High. Is that what she had reduced me to now? A dribbling, sniveling, pervert of a man who was no better than a ticking time-bomb of hormones?

"Finally," She whispered in relief as Chief Swan pulled into the thin drive outside the house, his emotions tainted with a mixture of excitement and anticipation.

I was not the only one enthralled by Isabella Swan. Forks' Chief police officer had lived the latter half of his life alone, never remarrying or even dating though the opportunity presented itself frequently. I often sensed his mood from miles off and it hurt me physically that one would ache the way he did. He was kind, good and honest- A rare find in a town where gossip flowed as freely as the constant ebb of rain. So while Isabella's feelings towards her move were quite negative, her father seemed overjoyed at the prospect of life with his only daughter, going as far as to hum a gentle tune while he locked up the town's lone police cruiser.

I watched with great amusement as he carefully poked his head in the front door, checking the perimeter of the house before calling out his daughter's name in a less than cheery spirit. It seemed odd to me that Charlie should struggle to express the emotions that were so clearly evident in his heart. I wondered if perhaps his lack of apparent nurture was but a result of his wife's rash departure. Was he frightened to express love and then have love leave him?

"I'm up here dad.."

The voice above redirected my attention once more to the woman above me. It didn't seem plausible that only one hour ago I had thought her nothing but a bag of blood, a meaningless body that had been put on this earth for nothing other than my pleasure. She was so much more than that now; She was love, she was pain, but above everything, she was life.

She clambered back into the window that had been my peep hole and threw it shut with a trembling force. The out-force of air caused the flames to flicker furiously across my throat and I jumped lithley from my position between the tree to land with a graceful step on the ground. Only then did the ramifications of my actions truly hit me.

What did the other's think?

Would Alice have seen my success with the girl? Would she have known that I'd done nothing but watch her and attempt to alleviate her pain?

The thoughts of doubt began to race through my mind as images of a broken family formed silently in my eyes. Would they, could they, forgive me? I had done no harm to the girl, true, but I had decieved them all for a purpose darker than any of them had ever dreamed of. Had I destroyed a bond of trust that had taken me decades to build?

I ran silently through the dark forest around me and strove deeper and deeper into thought, fearful that I had lost the ones I loved.

And though, even with all the misery I knew would befall me if I did lose my ancient family, I knew that -given a choice- I would never change a single detail about this hallowed, rainy night.

I was undoubtably a vicous fiend and monster, but through all my weakness and faults, I had left the girl alive.

"Yes... Alive," I whispered curtly, unsure of how else to word her current state. "But she does not yet know what living is."

I smiled to myself as new thoughts, happing musings, formed softly in my mind.

Different threads and wisps that created a simple picture, a simple thought...

...I would show her life.


	4. The Verdict

**It's late again, sorry ; )**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

Chapter 4: The Verdict

The blood of my victims ran fluidly across my chest, never hindered by the fabric of a lost shirt. I watched as the dark-red trails ebbed slowly over my marble chest, standing out in harsh contrast to the pale white skin. The two colors were binary opposites;

Up and down, black and white, good and evil…

…Me and _her_.

A low, long sigh hissed from my mouth as I threw the final carcass in the fire.

Twelve Dall sheep, eight mountain goats, five deer and two brown bears.

That was what it took. Twenty-seven animals was all it took to satisfy my thirst… Because of her.

I smiled coyly as the memories of the night replayed in my mind. I had helped her, I had resisted what the heavens had offered and I had left her alive. I was no longer the inadequate fool I had believed myself to be. No longer the weakest link. And despite what I knew my family would say- I was strong, I could resist.

_For now…_

A bellow of a deep, throaty laugh boomed from my throat as I chuckled at the monster's discontent. It held no influence over me anymore. It could whine and taunt till it's heart content, but I knew that it was no longer in control, no longer in power.

The darkness of the night began to sink away across the horizon, and with it, my anger and unrest. Several hours had passed since my departure from the girl, yet I had still withstood my return to the no-doubt restless home upon the lake.

What were they thinking now? Would I be asked to leave the family, or would they simply perform another intervention in an attempt to show me the error of my ways?

I grunted slightly as I remembered the 'success' of previous family-fun discussions. They rarely -if ever- caused anything other than anger and upheaval. Usually one of us would offer advice, one of us would throw insults and the others would all throw chairs. It was tiring, tedious and usually incredibly time consuming… But in the end, always necessary.

A sharp stab of pain rippled through my heart as I realized, once again, what was at stake. I could lose them. If things took a turn for the worse this morning, I could lose every single one of them. And for what? My own stubbornness and pride? No, I would force them to listen. I would beg for hours if that was what it would take. Either way, I was not prepared to let them go.

Flickers of life began to light up across the town as I took a long, withdrawn walk back to my home. It was morning for Forks. A typical, drizzly morning which only held the promise of more rain to come.

I held my face up to the sky and breathed contentedly as the rain began to wash away the foreign blood. It washed away the dirt and grime of the evening and left me feeling clear and invigorated, almost weightless to the problems that had previously plagued my mind.

_Time for a fresh start,_ I thought optimistically, throwing a hand through my hair as it stuck shabbily against my face. _No more anger or frustration, it's time to let it go…_

My thoughts were hopeful and sanguine, but apparently, they were not shared.

As my footsteps grew nearer and nearer to my home, the emotions radiating from the large, Victorian style home were emanating at full force between a mixture of worry, distress and pure anger.

_I __**think**__ they might be angry,_ My mind thought sarcastically, only further increasing my stress and apprehension.

No doubt Alice would have seen my decision to return home, the only question now remaining was, what did they possibly have in plan so that they could each tell me what an idiot I'd been.

I kicked a nearby tree in frustration, shaking the built up rain content and thoroughly soaking my predominately dry body.

I supposed I deserved it.

Both the soaking and the potential insults. I had betrayed my family, in the worst possible way. I had risked our exposure, our safety and our lives…

Why should they forgive me?

Picking up my tattered wisps of pride, I held my head high and attempted to preserve my spirit so that I could present some sort of front to my family before they ripped me apart.

Each step I took brought me closer and closer to my demise, but as I grew nearer, I became uncharacteristically more confident. These people were my family; My mother and father and siblings. They weren't the Volturi, nor were they some unknown evil that I had to defeat. They were them and I was me, there was no way that could be as bad as anything I had faced in my newborn years.

I burst through the front door with a sudden reassurance in my heart, but was thrown into near hysteria by the sight before my eyes.

_Not as bad as your newborn years, Worse._

There they were. Just 'them' and just 'me.' But team 'them' were currently looking a lot more intimidating, if not irate, than team 'me.'

They were placed there, at the same table where we had discussed so many other issues, they sat together like an impenetrable wall. A mixture of emotions danced delicately above each individual's aura, spinning and twisting in the air and distorting my own understanding of reality.

Who's were who's? Was what I felt an emotion of my own, or was it merely mirrored off another?

"Jasper."

Carlisle tone was dignified and refined, a reflection of his no doubt irresolute state of mind. I was suddenly petrified. Petrified and completely at a loss. I had no words, I had no explanation for my actions other than the obvious.

"We need no explanation Jasper," Edward said quietly, his eyes fixed on the blood spatters across my chest. "We've come to speak of the future, not of the past."

I nodded silently, unable to trust the words which were sure to betray me.

"A question first," Carlisle continued, standing from his position at the table and gesturing for me to take his place. "Of course we trust Alice's visions impeccably, but I'd like to hear it from the horses mouth. The girl lives?"

"Yes!" I said hastily, as if offended by my father's doubt and distrust. What else was he to think? It had never been my intention to leave her alive, so why shouldn't he believe that I had drunk her dry?

"…So, you saw then?" I asked timidly, afraid that any word would send the family into fits. "I mean, you saw that I left her alive and that I didn't hurt her?"

There was a minute of silence before anyone dared to speak. It was unspoken knowledge that the question was solely directed at Alice and as such, no one wished to interrupt or even breathe a word of explanation before Alice had given an answer.

"Yes I saw."

The air that I had unconsciously been holding, gushed from my mouth in a rapid burst. I felt instant relief, but it was brief and fleeting, replaced by sheer guilt and regret.

I'd broken a bond with Alice. I had severed the trust that had taken me years to build. Would she ever forgive me? Would she ever be able to trust my word again?

"Fortunately," Edward began, standing behind Alice and rubbing her shoulders soothingly. "Alice had a string of constant visions regarding your volatile future. We were almost ready to come after you when she saw…"

I waited patiently for him to continue, anxiously awaiting what it was that caused a shift in emotion for every individual in the room.

"…She saw you crying."

I drew a sharp breath as the impact of his words sank in. She had seen me… She had seen me at the most vulnerable point in my life and there was nothing I could do to erase it. I felt humiliated, exposed and betrayed.

"We were sure then that you had killed her," Edward continued, oblivious to the effect his words had on me. "We thought that you had killed her and were overcome with the guilt and shame in the aftermath… But then Alice had another vision, and another."

"They were broken fragments," Alice explained, always staring past my face and not daring to look me in the eye. "It changed so quickly that I wasn't sure what I was seeing at first. But slowly the pictures became less distant and I started to see things clearly…. You were helping her?"

Her tone was so uncertain that I was suddenly offended by the constant questioning and distrust my family seemed to harbor for me. Had my fate been sealed in stone to them the minute I first encountered Isabella Swan?

"…I don't know how to explain it," I began softly, eager to shift my family's views and opinions of myself. "I wanted to taste her, but something changed. She's so alone, I… I just felt like I ought to help her, Like I **needed** to help her. I know that feeling… I know what its like to feel helpless, to feel the isolation, the loneliness. **I** know. But she shouldn't."

"Well either way," Carlisle interrupted, rubbing a hand over his face irritably and sighing in an all too heavy manner. "We are incredibly fortunate that things ended the way they did. If you'd slipped up, If you'd taken her…"

An uncomfortable silence settled over the table as an alternative ending played upon the thoughts of everyone in the room. It was a frightening and unsettling future that was painted before us, but it was not an unfeasible one. It was truth. It was fact. And it was the bane of my existence.

"But everything has to change now," Rosalie whispered quietly, her emotions sinking into disappointment and flickers of rage. "I mean, we have to start again now. Find a new house, a new city…"

A cog in my mind turned into place and I suddenly felt myself suffocating. They had already made plans. This wasn't a discussion of my future, this was an information meeting, a notification of **our** future. I had no say, they had already decided.

"Yes," Edward said quietly, answering my unspoken question.

"When?" I asked flatly, feeling the quake of sadness begin to rock my soul.

"Tomorrow, if we can."

My heart screamed painfully in protest as my soul began to weep. _Tomorrow_. I had only just found her and now I would be forced to leave. It wasn't enough. It wasn't enough time to grieve for one that I had not yet grown to truly know. But this was family, and through and through you stuck by family… No matter what. Decision made, verdict final. What else was there to do?

_Fight dammit!_ My mind bellowed loudly in anger. _Jasper Whitlock is nothing if not a fighter. He is a soldier, a warrior, a killer. Show them, remind them who you are!_

"No…" I said quietly, the breath of a word barely perceptible to my own ears.

Every pair of the eyes turned to me in that instant, shocked, if not a little taken back, by my resilience to the prospect of a move.

Carlisle eyed my off slowly, his eyes filled with a worry and fret that finally reflected the years of his age.

"Why Jasper? What's wrong?"

I threw myself from my chair and paced the room so that I was not one meter from my father.

"Carlisle, you told me that I had strength! You said that I had it and all I had to do was find it. Well guess what?" I asked heatedly, "I found it! She **is** my strength, she is everything that I am fighting for and I will **not** run out on her now!"

"Jasper, that's not it.. We can't risk it, we can't-"

"Please father!" I cried, sinking to my knees at the floor. "There is no risk! I would never hurt her, I would never cause her harm. I want to help her, I want to show her how to live, but I can't do that if you don't give me a chance… I need you to trust me. Show me that you trust me, please…"

He stared at me for a moment which seemed to last a life time. I could sense the denial approaching and it was only a matter of seconds before the confirmation rolled from his tongue like a wicked lie. I had lost her. I had lost her before I'd been given the chance to obtain her.

The despair rocked through my body painfully and I lurched forward in anguish, clutching at the fabric of Carlisle's clothes.

"Carlisle we can't!" Edward exclaimed in alarm, redirecting my attention to the silent conversation that had passed between my father and my brother.

"We can't risk it," he continued, disregarding my presence as if I simply weren't there. "He restrained himself this time, but what happens tomorrow? Or the day after that? What happens when he does slip, when he does kill her? Our family will be torn apart, we will all suffer for his pride and arrogance."

"I know very well the ramifications of my own decision Edward," Carlisle interjected, silencing his unnecessary rant. "But if I don't support him now, what chance does he have to ever retain the control that the rest of us have?"

For once, Edward had no words. His mouth swung open in a preemptive attempt of a rebuttal, but no sound flew beyond his stony lips. Carlisle's word was always final… and now the verdict had changed. Now the verdict was in my favor.

"Very well Jasper," Carlisle continued, aiming his words solely at me. "We will stay in Forks for now, but you must understand one thing. This is not forgiveness that we have given here this morning. Understanding, yes, but not absolution. You hurt this family deeply last night, you worked against each and every one of our faults so that you could execute a plan more heinous than anything any one of us could fathom. The trust is broken Jasper, it is splintered. Prove to me that you deserve it once again…"

I nodded rapidly and rose from my position on the ground to stand by his side.

"…You have an hour till school begins. And then my son, we will truly see the extent of your control."

**They FINALLY meet the next chapter.**


	5. Confrontation

**Wow, this lateness is becoming a regular thing…**

**Okay, this chapter contains sexual references. Just so you know ; )**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

Chapter 5: Confrontation

One hour. Only one hour till I would be faced, yet again, with the object of my desire…

Isabella Swan.

I shivered slightly as her name trigged a truly indescribable sensation to coarse through my body. Every syllable of her name was like a siren bellowing out to me. Every thought, a mind numbing disarray of images assaulting my subconscious. She was everything and she was nothing at the same time.

She was something else...

Something other than the monotonous minutes and events which formed my life. Something more than the mundane and truly tiresome students in the Forks High student body. It were as if she had been placed upon this planet for a reason other than the diminutive human life cycle. It were as if she had been placed here… For _me_.

"I presume you won't be joining the rest of us to school then," Alice announced quietly, appearing at the edge of my bedroom door and interrupting the rhythmic cycle of my thoughts.

I rose slowly from my position by the window and moved to stand a reasonable distance from Alice's position at the door. I hated this. I hated that things had become so strained between the two of us. I had been with Alice since the beginning of my new life and the thought that she may never trust me again ripped a jagged tear across my heart.

"I hadn't really considered how I would get there," I began hesitantly, taking a step closer to her as if to test the boundaries. "I suppose it might be safer to travel with you, but I was thinking I'd like to make my own way…"

I let the rest of the sentence hang between the empty silence that had settled over us. It was slightly uncomfortable not be able to talk as freely as I might in Alice's presence, but her stoic expression and the blunt force of her emotions kept me silent.

"We'll see you there then," She said decisively, clucking her tongue softly and exiting the doorway without another word.

"…Bye," I whispered quietly to her retreating form, before stepping once more into the confinement of my own room.

_What now?_ I thought faintly, walking in a small circle around my room. There was still one whole hour. Sixty minutes. Three thousand six hundred seconds…

_Too_ long to wait.

I twitched nervously as I stared at the large clock above my fire place. It seemed as if the hands were deliberately moving slower than usual, prolonging my anxiety and tension. I had seen the girl less than ten hours ago -not even a full day- and yet I could not dispel my growing apprehension for her safety. It was odd really. Odd, that I should be the one to stress so much for her well being, when I was the one who was the biggest threat to her. The biggest risk, the most volatile.

I suppose in most ways she would a lot safer without me. There would be no risk of a bloody murder. No risk of a disappearance. She would live and die as human.

_As apposed to…?_ My mind questioned quietly, noting the way I'd phrased the sentence.

She would live and die as human. That was natural, what else did I expect?

_Need she die as human? There are alternative solutions… New lives…_

I stumbled across the room as if to retreat from my very thoughts. She was just a girl. An innocent human that deserved more than a life condemned to hell. She didn't know who I was, she didn't even know my name! Was I to simply take her? Steal her for my own company and happiness? And who was to say I even wanted that?! I barely knew the girl, let alone harbored feelings for her that would suggest I wanted anything more than friendship. She was beautiful, yes, but it wasn't as if I were in _love_ with her. I was merely… intrigued. Fascinated.

_Really?_ My mind interjected quickly, knowing very well that she was more than just a study to me.

I bunched my fists into my hair and shook my head from side to side, willing the internal voice to cease.

I did not fall in love. One hundred and sixty five years I had lived and for one hundred and sixty five years I had never loved. Women had always appealed to me and I to them. But it was always sex. Always pleasure. I had used my gift to manipulate women into feeling nothing but lust. Nothing but raw, animalistic want. It was always to easy to get them to submit, it was as if they held no will power at all in my presence.

I sighed loudly as the onslaught of memories invaded my mind.

Even in my own kind I had never found anything other than brief, satisfactory moments of passion. I first turned from humans to vampires because I believed there would be more of a chase; More of a game to play, a prey to hunt. But my high hopes had soon been dashed when I had discovered that they too were no more resilient to my advances than any ordinary human had been. Always succumbing to the charm. Always submitting to the proposal.

I glanced briefly at the clock and groaned aloud when I realized only ten minutes had passed during my deep recollections. How much more could one person possibly mull over?

_Well perhaps a shower would be warranted then?_ My thoughts reminded me, redirecting my attention to my scantily clad form.

I glanced down at my upper body and realized, with sudden clarification, that I was still half naked and splattered in blood.

_Yes, I suppose a shower would drain some time,_ I thought in concurrence, walking with deliberately calculated steps towards my ensuite.

I stepped into the large red room slowly, walking over towards the fragile, glassy shower and turning the stream onto the hottest temperature possible. The scolding heat would never burn my skin; Never mark the smooth, marble surface. I was impenetrable, untouchable, unalterable. So how was it that Isabella Swan had changed me so?

I brushed the thoughts aside and shed my remaining clothing, stepping into the steamy stream beside me. The soft pressure that ebbed incessantly from the shower head, slid softly across my shoulders and torso, mixing with the remaining blood and swirling around my feet in a hypnotic pattern.

Red blood. Red walls.

Esme had been insistent on re-doing this bathroom when we had moved in, asserting that the color was to bold and harsh for such a classic house. I don't believe anyone disagreed with her opinion at all, all of them found the bright red to be too confronting, too much of a reminder. I wasn't sure if it was simply the sick, self-loathing side of myself, but I found that I rather enjoyed the blood red color. It was a constant reminder of my past. A reminder of the lives taken, the blood spilt. I had hoped, at the time, that a symbol so brazen would help me to build control. That I couldn't possibly want to take another life with a reminder so prominent in my life. But I suppose all that had been blown to hell the minute Isabella had been born.

I wondered absentmindedly what was she doing now. Would she too be preparing diligently for her second day at Forks High? Was she showering there, as I showered here?

I moaned aloud and almost threw my fist threw the wall as I imagined her in my situation now. How gracefully the water would cascade across her bare body. How gracefully it would dance seductively across her breasts, trailing down her abdomen and meeting at the place between her legs. What I wouldn't give so I might join her in that situation. Join her and help her wash away every feeling of grief, every morsel of misery. Always washing. Letting my hands roam across the flesh that I desired so.

I could feel my own growing desire as the fantasy grew more and more vivid. With a disgruntled sigh, I turned off the jet of water and broke the illusion before I was overcome with the need to 'relieve' the throbbing ache below my pelvis. How was it that she could do this to me? With just a simple thought, I was transformed into a horny teenager who grew embarrassingly hard at just imagining the touch of her skin against my own.

I stepped from behind the foggy glass and began to towel off my body, making sure to avoid the southern sections of my torso lest I give into my own blatant desire.

Surely I had wasted a sufficient amount of time now. Surely I cold leave now and find the girl that I so actively sought after.

I wrapped the dark blue towel around my waist and shuffled from the bathroom, eager to finally leave this place. A tense atmosphere had settled over the entire house since this morning's 'discussion' and I was fervent to leave the household where I could not distinguish my own emotions from those of my family.

Upon opening my large, walk-in cupboard, I was struck once again with the confrontation of what I had done to mine and Alice's relationship. My entire wardrobe was color coordinated to each season and mood I was in. There were colors that matched my emotions and styles to express what I felt. Would she continue to help me dress now? How would I stay in style if she would not show me the ropes, if she would not compliment and critique?

I slipped on the nearest outfit as the sound of my departing family flew to my ears. I could hear their dissatisfied murmurs and the tinge of apprehension that colored their emotions. They were beyond stressed, beyond scared. Each of them feared the repercussions of today. Would I muddle through? Or would I finally bring an end to her life and slip from the edge that I had been balancing on?

I moved to the large window on my western wall and watched as the sleek, silver Volvo slipped across the driveway and out of sight into the trees. So this was it. This was the moment that had been building.

I grabbed the dark jacket strewn across my beaten arm chair and jumped lithely from my bedroom, bounding down the staircase in one leap. I was excited. Despite my growing fear and building stress levels, I was thrilled to see the girl who had occupied my thoughts for the past twenty-four hours.

As I flew out the back door in uncontrollable joy, I heard the faint whisper of Esme's voice. Only a short breath of a word wishing me good luck for the steady approach of my turmoil.

I didn't need luck. I needed to believe that. I didn't need luck because I had control, I had resistance. I **would** resist.

I threw open the garage door, shattering the timber in my haste and moving swiftly towards the back of the dark room in search of what I knew lay dormant.

"It's been too long," I sighed contentedly, laying my eyes upon my forgotten friend, my once constant companion.

There it sat. My MV-Augusta F4CC, one of the most prestigious motorbikes in the history of the world. I had never been one to enjoy the confinement of a car. I enjoyed the rush, the openness and the free feeling that accompanied motorbikes. There was always a constant rush, a constant drive. I had spent many hours on this bike. Just to drive, to be free, to escape.

It was almost shameful that I had left her here in the garage. Left her to grow dusty and old and forgotten. She was made to be seen. To be free.

I grabbed the dark, black helmet that sat cold on the motorbike's hide and slipped it over my head. It was completely unnecessary for me to wear something less sturdy then my own skin, but appearances were everything in this town and I needed to keep them real.

As I wheeled the dusty bike from it's hideaway in the corner, I felt almost giddy at the prospect of life upon the road again. There was truly nothing like the speed of a vampire, but driving was something else entirely. It was about power and control. Forgetting everything and concentrating on nothing but what lay ahead of you.

I moved my legs across the soft leather of the seat and stretched my fingers across the accelerator. Every contour of my body matched the supple curves of the bike. My hands weaved into place across the handle bar and my legs melded to the side of the bike as if a part of it. I had forgotten what it felt like. Forgotten the thrill and delight of the ride.

I turned the ignition and fuel and pushed the choke on as I shivered in anticipation. I could almost feel the life flow through it as I opened the throttle and kick started the engine. It roared to life beneath me and I let out a hiss of satisfaction feeling her shake in impatience…

…And so it began.

I let the road rip out from beneath me as the bike weaved in and out of the twisted maze that led to the open road. A roar of enjoyment tore from my throat as I increased the acceleration once more, feeling the wind whip feebly against my body and billow up my sleeves and my shirt. Every sight flew past at an incredible speed and I watched with utter amazement as the forest seemed to bend from my path, opening up a new route, revealing a new road.

I glanced briefly at the watch upon my wrist and groaned quietly as I realized that I had wasted more time than I'd intended. I would arrive at school in less than ten minutes if I continued at my current speed, a speed that by all accounts should not be accessible to mankind. Humans were foolish. Foolish and easily distractible. I had the skills and the ability to avoid unnecessary deaths in the event of a collision, but humans had neither the reflexes nor the dexterity to save both themselves and the life of those they'd hit. It was completely irresponsible and totally atrocious that a human would create a weapon such as this.

My thoughts were halted in that moment by a rough, sluggish noise stemming from a car not two miles from my position. I dropped my speed almost to nil and crawled along the road for the remainder of the distance, wary to whichever human would drive such a hideously out of date car.

It was a Chevy. An old, red Chevy that looked positively like a death machine…

I would have laughed at the coincidental nature of the situation if I were not paralyzed by fear of my sudden realization.

She was here. She was right here driving languidly across the road ahead of me. Even at such a distance, I could still smell her divine scent and the heat of her tantalizing blood. My head swam in delusions as I followed closely behind her truck, careful not to reveal my presence and the reality of my "stalker-like" tendencies.

The engine of the old truck screamed in protest with every roll of her ancient wheels. It was like listening to a bag of cats being thrown against a wall- A bag of incredibly vocal, angry cats.

I listened closer as the groan of the engine grew louder, blasting through the padding of my helmet and assaulting my very frail nerve endings. After a torturous minute of painful groaning, the echo of the engine finally seemed to cease. I was beginning to think that it had simply been a bad patch of road when an eerie silence overcame the entire automobile and a soft sigh of disappointment called to me from the enclosure of the car.

Had her ancient Chevy just broke down?

A mixture of emotions overcame me in that instant. It was clear that one of two things were going to happen now…

I could be either her knight in shining armor coming to her rescue or I could be her angel of death, the grim reaper to bring about her demise.

Either way, a confrontation with Isabella Swan was no longer avoidable.

_You can do this, I know you can. She just a girl, just an innocent. Just a girl, just a girl, just a girl._

Switching off the ignition, I set the stand of my beloved bike down and stepped carefully from it's leather upholstery, leaving the intimidating, black helmet behind.

Her heart beat seemed to increase dramatically as her emotions delved into panic and hysteria. She was so afraid, so very fearful.

_Be kind, be gentle, be charming, but for gods sake don't be frightening!_

I nodded slowly as if to placate the internal chatter and I took a long stride towards her position at the drivers seat.

Her head was slung against the rough handling of the steering wheel as her body shook with her quiet sobs. I held my hand against the cool glass of her window and knocked once in an effort not to startle her.

It didn't work.

Her body retreated far from her position at the steering wheel as her heart hammered excruciatingly loudly in her ribcage.

_Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud._

I held back the venom as it pooled rapidly in my mouth, forcing my thoughts upon her blood.

"Hello," I said quietly through the glass of her window, gesturing for her to wind it down.

Now what? What did I say? What did I do to make her trust me or believe that I was offering help? I couldn't merely say that I had stumbled upon her, she didn't even know me! She would think I was a psycho, a stalker that had followed her to this position near the woods in an effort to trap her.

_Not everyone is so suspicious…_ My mind reminded me quietly, helping to soothe my paranoia and calm my raging nerves.

The large brown eyes of the girl opposite me seemed to warm slightly with a shade of recognition. Her aura flushed with embarrassment as she crawled back slowly to her position by the window, rolling down the icy glass and poking her timid face through the opening.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. I couldn't think.

My stomach heaved in desire as I held back the fists that threatened to steal her.

_Just a girl, just a girl, just a girl. Explain that you're here to help, say something, say anything!_

I opened my mouth to speak, but was cut short by the voice of the angel beside me. At first I was unsure if what I'd heard was true, believing that perhaps I had lost the final straw of my sanity and was now hearing only what I wanted to hear. But then she spoke again, louder this time but repeating what she had said not one moment ago;

"Hello Jasper."

**Hahahahahaha..**

**X**


	6. Falling

**Hahaha, Sorry for leaving you all like that… Hopefully this chapter will make up for it.**

**Thank you for all my reviews, they were all very kind. Plus, Yay! You got me to 100+ reviews. **

**Okay, this chapter is dedicated to two people- ****_Oracle Vas_ because she always leaves the most wonderful reviews and she really has some great interpretations of the story. So, Thank you.**

**And **_**gemin**_** because she is the devil's incarnate. Haha, well that and the fact that she always gives lovely feedback. (But I'm serious about that devil stuff… You think that I'm bad with cliffies, I dare you to read hers!!)**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

Chapter 6: Falling

_I opened my mouth to speak, but was cut short by the voice of the angel beside me. At first I was unsure if what I'd heard was true, believing that perhaps I had lost the final straw of my sanity and was now hearing only what I wanted to hear. But then she spoke again, louder this time but repeating what she had said not one moment ago;_

"_Hello Jasper."_

If I had not been breathing earlier, it was in this moment of complete and utter agony that my lungs collapsed entirely.

The heat from the derelict car pushed her scent towards me with the strength of a wrecking ball. It seemed to pummel me relentlessly, demolishing my careful coat of control and invading every passage in my fixed form.

I had strength, I knew it. She **was** my strength, she was my power and control. All I had to do was fight. And if there was nothing else that that I was good for in this life, it was fighting. So I would fight. I would fight for control, I would fight for my strength and I would fight for her life.

"Jasper?"

Her breath was almost hypnotizing in it's perfect perfume scent. She was divine. Utterly and unreservedly heavenly. How the gods created such a gift, I could not fathom. But I knew that I would be eternally grateful to them for the rest of my life for crafting one so striking.

The stunning seraph beside me flushed with embarrassment and retreated back into the warmth of her iron prison. My stoicism had no doubt frightened her and I found it most disheartening that it seemed my very presence gauged only negative reactions from her. Would it ever be possible for me to extract a positive feeling from her?

I approached the side of her car carefully, concentrating all my frustration and self-hindrance into the simple task of calming her down. All I had to do was calm her. That was always the method wasn't it? Calm the hysteria, flatter with words of sincerity, lead them astray with promises of salvation… then slaughter.

_No._

That wasn't me. Not anymore.

Calm the hysteria, flatter with words of sincerity, promise salvation… Deliver salvation.

As I lent closer towards the girl's open window, I was overcome with a string of conflicting impulses. One told me to continue my inclination towards her throat further, never halting on my persistent path of peril. But the other, the second, more dominant voice, commanded me to stop at the periphery. To take care of the girl whose inner being was screaming out for help and transport her to where she wished to be.

"I'm sorry," I whispered meekly, wheezing in shallow gasps as my instincts fought for breath. "I didn't mean to frighten you, I just noticed that you seemed a little…"

_Vulnerable, weak, helpless, feeble, pathetic._

"…lost,"

Her eyes seemed to glaze for a moment as her mind attempted to comprehend the words that passed between empty silence. There was a certain resilience beneath her seemingly frail exterior. She was wary of me… Cautious and guarded to the peculiarly alluring vampire beside her window.

_She has every right to be suspicious of you,_ my thoughts reminded me wistfully, flittering through fragments of the past; Broken pieces of shattered memories and violent situations which were frighteningly alike my current ones.

She **had** the right to be suspicious… But no one ever had been. They had always been trusting, gullible and grateful for my kind aid. Thankful and flirtatious, never wary. Never hostile.

"Do you need some help?" I prompted further, sensing her hesitation and tentative attitude towards me. "If you're going to the school I can give you a lift. I'm also a student there, it's not like I'm some sort of monster…"

I laughed awkwardly at both my minor attempt to break the ice and at the blatant falsehood of the statement. I **was** a monster. A monster who wore the mask of affability. A mask of brilliance and benevolence. In that moment of delicate decisions, I almost wished that she wouldn't trust me. That she would slam the window in my face and scream until she bled for my departure.

"I suppose there's only one school in this town," She replied softly, laughing at the small tease though I could sense the genuine concern behind the words. "I'm sorry, I'm being rude. My name is Bella Swan," She continued quickly, stewing in her own apparent mortification and extending a soft, white hand through our glassy barrier.

_Bella. Beautiful Bella._

I took her palm tentatively and hissed in silent pleasure as her skin scorched through my own in a delightfully erotic scorch. She was so warm. A blaze that burnt to my very inner core, boiling through my veins and stammering my silent heart.

"You're cold," she whispered silently, stroking her thumb across my skin in an almost dangerously sensual manner.

"The weather's cold… I **would** introduce myself," I began quickly, releasing the touch of an angel and opening her door as a mark of my haste. "But you seem to already know my name…"

Her skin flushed with embarrassment and my stomach lurched in a violent spasm as I watched the blood pool beneath her cheeks with sordid satisfaction. Why did her very presence cause me such physical pain? Why could I not be with her without constantly contemplating questions of life and death?

"A few people pointed you out to me yesterday," she mumbled quietly, pushing a dark lock from her face and scooting from her seat to stand by my side. "It would appear I'm not really the object of attention at the school, so I owe you thanks for that."

She smiled coyly and slammed the dark-red Chevy door shut, standing directly in front of me and cocking her head in a manner which caused my heart to leap in elation. I had given her joy. My presence at the school, no matter how tedious it was for me, had inadvertently resulted in less sufferance for Bella. My beautiful Bella.

"So…" She breathed softly, unintentionally causing my venom's quantity to tenfold. "I don't suppose you have a tow on your car, do you? I don't really know what to do with my car."

I almost laughed at her optimistic spirit. Her car's expiry date already seemed long past and I highly doubted that the large chunk of rusting, red metal would survive past it's most recent heart failure.

"I didn't actually come in a car," I replied hesitantly, unsure of how comfortable she would react to my 'Vampires and Motorbikes' approach. "But my brother has a car that will probably work to tow yours."

As monstrous as her car was, I knew, without a doubt, that it didn't compare with Emmett's child. The pride and joy of his life. His atrociously large vehicle which was more a safety hazard than it was an automobile.

"Oh, please don't go to any trouble," She cringed quietly, twisting her fingers uncomfortably in her palms. "I have a friend who I can probably ask to pick it up. I wouldn't want to put you out in anyway."

I studied her features softly, watching as her face furrowed frustratingly against her hairline and her fingers twitched in unease. Her words were genuine. I had always found that most had spoken similar statements out of politeness or simple stubborn banter. But Bella had meant them. Down to every single syllable; She did not want to cause an inconvenience.

"It's no trouble," I whispered quietly, holding my gaze upon her own until I felt my soul would weep. "However, I'm afraid there is one problem…"

Her eyes shifted suddenly into concern and I watched with great amusement as she scanned our surroundings, watching for some sign of danger. If only she had a simple grasp of the danger that stood before her. If only she could understand the way I synchronistically burned for her blood and ached for her touch.

"I said that I could give you a lift to school," I continued slowly, redirecting her attention back to the fiend in front of her. "But I only have my bike, so you'd have to ride with me."

"Like a bicycle?" She asked with sudden curiosity, her emotions coloring brightly with touches of humor and hilarity.

I burst out laughing and stepped aside so that she might glance upon my comfortable companion.

"Bike, as in motor."

Her feelings dropped then into fear, doubt, caution and finally excitement. I felt my own smile sprawl across my feelings as I sensed her growing approval, and with it, a growing sense of enthusiasm.

What had I become? How was it that she could induce feelings of such joy within me from such simple enamor and emotion?

"You can have my helmet," I encouraged further, though I could plainly sense her ready acceptance. "And the ride will be five minutes- maximum. You don't have to be frightened… I'll protect you."

How insufferably ironic. How odd it was that I should be the one to offer protection when she was in such desperate need of protection from me. Who was I to offer salvation when it was clear that I could so easily destroy my own?

She laughed quietly and nodded her head once, ripping her keys from her car's ignition and stumbling somewhat awkwardly towards my silent ride.

I followed closely after her, mentally chastising myself for glaring most unashamedly at her behind. Was I trying to make an uncomfortable situation harder? I was offering help, not a supportive service in exchange for perverted peeps and stares.

"I don't know much about motorbikes," She began faintly, picking up the dark, black helmet and holding it gently in her hands. "But this is by far one of the nicest I've seen."

I bowed my head shyly in gratitude and took the helmet from her palms, gesturing for her to hold her hair back tautly. She flicked her hair over her shoulder and I groaned into my own mouth, inwardly sobbing over why I had to be subjected to such torture. It was too much confliction. Too much desire. Half the time I wanted to kill her and the other half I longed to kiss her. Why could I not be with her in all the ways that I desired?

I held the helmet above her head and watched with eager yearning as her skin flushed a delicate pink once more.

She was so pale. Her skin, a delicate sheen of snowy white that seemed to powder over every inch of her fragile frame. Her pastel tones and color compared strongly with my own skin. The skin of a vampire, a monster.

But she was no monster…

She was quite the opposite, in fact. The archangel of the heavens, the seraphic spirit of the gods. Even with the lumbering weight of the helmet, she was unmistakably beautiful, irrevocably striking.

"You ready?" I asked softly, holding out my hand to which I prayed to god she would accept.

She muffled her concurrence into the fabric of the helmet and slipped her hand into my own. Always burning. Always scorching.

I slipped my leg over the leather upholstery and squirmed in ecstasy as her own two legs followed, constricting against my own in a desperate grasp for stability. What I wouldn't give so that I might lie between the thighs that presently kept me prisoner. To touch the skin and kiss the flesh that begged for my attention.

I kick started the engine once more and relished in further delight as Bella writhed closer towards me, grinding softly against my body in an effort to rid herself of fright.

Did she have any idea of the effect she had on me? Could she possibly comprehend the amount of appeal she held and the torture she bestowed in wielding it?

"Hold on," I bellowed over the rumble of the engine, wanting nothing more than for her arms to encircle me in the way I wish I could her.

When she didn't react, I moved one arm slowly behind me and grasped her left hand as if she were a bubble, securing it around my waist and smiling in glee when her other hand responded in the same way.

As the tires squealed in delight, the road gave way beneath us and I gave into the thoughts that had been plaguing me since early this morning.

Jasper Whitlock did not fall in love. It was a fact that I had always felt was unequivocally correct.

One hundred and sixty five years of life, death and everything in between. But never love. I enjoyed sex. I enjoyed hunts. But love was something else entirely. It was a separate entity, a independent unit that did not take a significant role in my life.

Love was simply not something I experienced…

…So why did it suddenly feel like I was falling?

**Technically not a cliff-hanger…**

**Hahaha, just a corny sentence to sum up Jasper's conflicts.**

**Reviews provide motivation! **

**Reviews = Updates**

**x**


	7. What Else?

**Hello, hello. **

**First up, I would like to thank _missuspadfootnmoony_**** for finding a song which lyrics match perfectly to Jasper's current feelings. It's called "Rebirthing" by Skillet. The music itself is not really to my liking, but the lyrics are very reflective of Jasper's whole attitude to life during these upcoming chapters. So thank you very much!**

**Secondly, quite a few of you have mentioned or requested that I do the previous chapter from Bella's POV. I would probably really enjoy doing that, but I don't particularly want to chop and change perspectives right now as it's surprisingly difficult writing from a male's point of view- especially when it comes to the sexual aspect of things. So I'm afraid you're just going to have to go without knowing the mystery of our dear heroine's thoughts. But just think, now you know exactly how Jasper is feeling ha-ha!**

**Well, that's all for now. Thank you very much to all of you who have added this to your favorites and such, it's very much appreciated.**

**P.S- Sexual references.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Chapter 7: What Else?

I had never given much thought to the concept of heaven. The idea of a holy destination beyond the shadow of death seemed incredibly implausible in the light of all that I had done. I also knew that this in itself was surprisingly odd, given the amount of time that I had contemplated the existence of hell. However I had justified those thoughts on the basis that I had already experienced moments resembling that of true torture. Therefore, if by some mere chance the theory of hell was proved correct, it seemed unlikely that the agonizing dimension would be dissimilar to my life in this world.

Bella Swan shifted behind me for the twelfth time that trip, constricting her thighs tighter around my lower body and causing me lurch forward in unprecedented arousal.

I realized then, with great amusement, that one might look upon my current situation as heaven- And I supposed to some dissimilar being, it just might be; I was riding free for the first time in months, the rush of the wind was howling at my sides… and _she_ was here. With me. Alone.

Her body was slung most provocatively around my lower half and her hands gripped roughly about my abdomen, slipping now and then towards the growing evidence of my excitement. I groaned softly as I realized that I wanted her hands to creep lower. I wanted to feel the harsh burn of her hot hands across my cold skin. The feel of her soft, capable fingers gripping me where I needed it most. Her breath, though stifled by the fabric of the helmet, called enticingly towards my heart and soul, begging me to turn around and taste the scent upon my own.

It **could** be a perfect picture of paradise…

…But it wasn't.

With her body, came the primal and hormonal instincts to seduce. The impulse that told me to take what sexual gratification I wanted, leaving the consequences to be dealt with in the after math. Her wandering hands gripped dangerously close towards my crutch and I found my body reacting most brazenly in an attempt to maneuver her hands so that they might relieve my aching desire.

But her breath… Oh how her breath was truly the most torturous punishment of them all. Even through the mass of sturdy barriers, her breath punctured through my soul like knives through melted butter. Each exhale of air caused my throat to constrict in longing and for my stomach to heave in revulsion at the acts which played upon my mind.

The paradoxical existence of my being was laughable really; My body was drawn to her and my thoughts were repulsed.

As the sounds of approaching pointless prattle grew nearer, I almost screamed in relief when the familiar, stone building came into sight. It had been exactly two-hundred and ninety three seconds of blissful agony. Two-hundred and ninety three seconds of absolute desire, absolute want…

…But now it was over… I could commence stage two in my day of peril and pain.

I watched with great delight as the small-minded students stared in awe at the steady approach of the most notorious Cullen and his hooded fellow. How easily entertained they all were. How simple minded and petty they truly acted at the sight of a, no doubt, substantial amount of gossip.

I pulled the steering roughly to the side and laughed languorously as the bike's wheels spun rapidly in their spots, causing a considerable amount of water to spray across the peering pupils. Many of the girls jumped and squealed in disgust as the turbid puddles spewed across their outfits. But many simply stared in astonishment at the retreating motor, too shocked by my blatant recognition of their presence to form any coherent response.

"…_Who do you think he's with?"_

"…_What do you think he's doing with her, are they dating or something?"_

"_Who ever she is, she's pretty damn lucky to be wrapped around him in that position! God, if I could put my arms around his chest like that, it we be only too easy to…"_

Every female student within a twenty meter radius was speaking in quick, awestruck whispers around my arrival and the apparent nonidentity who traveled with me. A dome of thick jealousy rose high above the Forks High parking lot and I found myself struggling to steer correctly as my body was smothered in a heavy smog of emotion.

_Just park the bike Jasper,_ My thoughts instructed slowly, sensing my grapple to remain lucid._ Park the bike safely before you run over someone and we have to deal with another prospect of spilt blood at this school._

Bella's hands pulled anxiously at my torso as she watched with fear at the growing mass of onlookers. They were frightening her. They were frightening _my_ Bella. I roused the engine with a sudden anger and pulled roughly into a parking spot at the centre of the crowd, scattering many of the students and shifting the atmosphere from jealousy to panic.

"That was unnecessary," Edward whispered from across the way, walking with a dignified decisiveness towards where the bike sat dormant on the periphery of the school office.

Alice followed closely behind him, shifting her gaze constantly from my form to the unmistakable human beside me… It seemed that the humans were not the only ones jealous of my newfound companion.

"Edward, Alice," I greeted impassively, stepping from my position between Bella's thighs and extending a hand towards her so that she might do the same. "I trust you both arrived well?"

Alice nodded stiffly, never breaking her barefaced stare from Bella's silent form.

"You made a detour?" Edward questioned quietly, smiling politely as if to mask the discontent within his voice.

"You know very well that I didn't," I replied softly, helping Bella to remove the large contraption from her face as she swayed hazardously from it's weight.

It was almost comical how each of us synchronistically changed when she finally released herself from the weight of the large, dark helmet. It was as if someone had come from behind us and thrust a searing hot poker into each of our spines, burning through our innards and ripping us inside out.

"Thank you," She whispered softly, running a hand through her dark, chestnut hair and rendering me incapable of either movement or speech.

I could sense both Alice and Edward's concern behind me, anxious to alleviate the situation and remove me from any risk of harm. Hadn't there been enough risk already? Had I not proved that I was, in fact, capable of restraining some sort of control around her?

"I'm sorry, how rude of us," Edward began quickly, pushing me somewhat roughly towards the back of our stance and extending a sinewy hand towards my Bella. "My name is Edward Cullen and this is my sister, Alice."

Alice nodded curtly but continued to stare most unashamedly at Bella from tip to toes, gawking at her as if appraising her for a modeling campaign.

"It's lovely to meet you both," Bella replied timidly, attempting to appear bold and confident but ultimately seeming feeble and shy. "It was very kind of your brother to give me a lift to school. I'd probably still be there if he hadn't come along…"

She laughed uneasily and shifted on her feet a few times, as if contemplating whether or not to make a run for it.

"Well you should probably get going," Alice said tersely, smiling with an expression which was far more threatening than it was comforting. "You wouldn't want to be late on your second day of school."

"Yeah…" Bella replied quietly, her emotions sinking into depths of heavy embarrassment and dejection. "I guess I'll see you later then Jasper. Thanks again.."

"Goodbye Bella," Edward whispered soothingly, staring most curiously at her and incensing a deep envy to cloud over my mind and thoughts. How was it that he could be around her so comfortably? Why should he have the ability to read her thoughts, and as such, have such a higher chance of getting to know her than I?

I watched as she filed into the school building silently, glancing fleetingly back towards me and smiling softly when all I did was gawk after her.

_Smooth Jasper. The silent, staring type is what every girl goes for. You know, the stalker._

"That was not a good idea Jasper," Edward seethed quietly, noticing that all but a few stragglers had entered the school premises. "Think what could have happened if something had gone wrong! Think of what you could have done!"

"I **do** Edward," I snapped brusquely, stalking away from him and spinning to face a very heated Alice. "Do you mind explaining to me what the hell that was about Alice? I mean, is there some reason why you are trying to being intentionally cruel to Bella?"

"That was for her own good," She replied viciously, pushing past me and striding towards the entrance as I stalked quickly behind her. "Do you honestly think that you could have lasted any longer Jasper, I mean seriously!? Do you know how fragile you future is? Do you know how preciously her life balances between life and death when she is around you? You're better off without her."

I stopped abruptly and tugged roughly on Alice's sleeve so that she was facing me.

"You mean **she'd** be better off without me?" I phrased carefully, noticing the way she had previously worded it.

A look of recognition sprawled across her features, followed by a flicker of embarrassment and anger.

"That's what I meant…" She corrected quickly, brushing a hand across her face and glancing swiftly for Edward.

"But you didn't say that," I reminded her quickly, watching as the anger continued to increase.

"What the hell does it matter Jasper?"

"Look Alice," I said swiftly, speaking in a low tone as to not embarrass her further. "Is this really about Bella's safety and wellbeing, or is this actually about _your_ wellbeing and happiness?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" She whispered dangerously, tugging her shoulder free from my grasp and staring me weakly in the eyes.

I scoffed quietly and took a step back from her as I finally came to recognition of Alice's feelings.

"I never thought I'd see the day when Alice Cullen would let her own petty feelings get in the way of her compassion for human beings…"

A moment of bleeding silence passed between us and I swore that I could almost _hear_ her heart splintering. A part of me ached to wrap my arms around her and tell her that I was sorry. Sorry that I could not reciprocate her feelings, sorry that I had fractured the trust between us and sorry that I could never be for her what she had been for me.

But things had changed. Our situations had been unequivocally altered and I could no longer apologize for being who I was, for who I am and for who I will always be.

"I'm your friend Alice," I whispered quietly, standing at least two meters from her hollow, shaking form and resisting my urge to offer comfort. "But I will never be what you want me to be. I **can** never be that person."

Her eyes met mine briefly and in that unspoken moment of communication I could feel every ounce of attraction that Alice held for me. She was letting them out. After holding them in for so many years, she was committing her emotions to my memory, accepting what she'd always known as truth.

"I'm sorry Alice…" I stuttered out sorely, knowing exactly how deep her feelings dwelt. "I'm so very, very sorry…"

"If you don't, you don't huh?" She said optimistically, though I could feel the sting of rejection flow painfully through her veins. "…Just tell me one thing Jazz," she continued slowly, brushing a hand over her chest as if to hold in the broken pieces of her heart.

"Anything Al, I owe you everything."

She smiled weakly and rolled her eyes. "It's not me, I get that, really I do… But why her?"

_Anything but that._

"Aw, come on Al… I don't know how to answer that," I whispered hesitantly, brushing a hand through my disheveled hair and glancing around for a diversion from the question. "She's just… I can't explain it. She's something else…"

"Yeah," She whispered faintly, "Something else entirely."

"Look Alice-"

"Please don't," She interrupted quickly, taking heavy, languorous breaths as her frame seemed to crumple. "You don't need to say anything… From here on, I will endeavor to be the kindest that I can be to Isabella Swan. If she's something else, you and I will just be…"

"Nothing else?" I questioned quietly, frightened as to what the answer may be.

"No of course not, we'll just be… A different kind of something. A platonic friendship, a family bond."

"Are you okay with that?"

She shrugged her shoulders and smiled half heartedly towards me.

"I have to be…"

She smiled once more and blew a rough gush of air through her lips. "I'm going to get class Jazz, I don't think I can really stand here retaining my sanity for much longer."

I laughed quietly and took a step towards her, extending a my hand and grasping hers softly.

"I'll come with you, I've got to get to class anyway. Two months off already, I think if I skip out on anymore they'll make me repeat my senior year."

Alice's eyes glazed over in that moment and when she broke out, her laugh bellowed loudly through the parking lot as she squeezed my hand tighter.

"Oh Jasper, you're really just a huge romanticist at the heart aren't you?" She asked smiling, and I could sense the genuine delight behind her words.

"How did we get from talking about class to talking about romance?" I replied quickly, suddenly curious as to Alice's change in spirit.

"Because you're not going to class sweetie," She replied cryptically, allowing a little of the Alice I knew to seep back through. "You're going to the office.."

"Oh yes," I said playing along, "And why, may I ask, am I going to the office.."

"Because you've made a decision about your future," She explained slowly, smiling wider and even more cheerfully.

"And what decision is that?"

"You're coming back into my year Jazzy. You're going to be a junior again."

**I didn't want to have our two destined lovers to be in different grades.**

**Sorry if this chapter dragged, but I needed to tackle the whole AlicexJasper thing early, so that we can move on with BellaxJasper.**

**Sooorrryyy!!**

**x**


	8. Gym

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

Chapter 8: Gym

I was oddly euphoric as I stepped from the claustrophobic confinements of Mrs. Cope's office and into the heavy rain of a growing storm. Happy, almost, at my pitiful plea to rejoin the lower grade. On one hand, it was almost shameful that I had been reduced to repeat my junior year. Yet on another, it was most certainly one of the most thrilling and stimulating choices that I had ever made towards my future.

Of course, Mrs. Cope had quite adamantly attempted to change my mind when I had first spoken of my 'struggles' with the course work; Pouring pails of praise upon me and informing me that my grades had not slipped at all during my 'absence.' All the while, blushing furiously every time I spoke to her and stuttering several times during her longwinded speech, slipping further and further into girlish incoherency.

I sighed roughly and made an effort to walk at human pace as I headed off in the direction of my first class, feeling strangely at ease with myself.

It was done. Having successfully passed myself off as inept for senior year, I could now rejoin my siblings in the junior year... and be with _her._

My hands began to quiver slightly in anticipation as the thoughts from this morning replayed in my mind. She had been so close to me… But it was as if my desire for her blood had lessened in some way, as if the yearning to rip my teeth across her snowy flesh had dwindled. I wondered vaguely then, whether my apparent pacification towards her scent was merely because I desired her body more than I did her blood. Was it possible that my undeniable lust to lay inside her overshadowed the monsters thirst within? Or was the demon that I had long aimed to suppress, after something other than just her blood? Perhaps the monster and I were really not so different. It was ridiculous, really, that I seemed to be drawn to her both predatorily and sexually. Almost unfair that she should hold so much of my attention span, inadvertently leaving none for anyone else.

A crack of livid lightening ripped across the darkened sky ahead, followed closely by a raucous roll of thunder.

…So, today would be one of _those_ days.

Storms seemed to ignite an irritatingly energetic streak within the pupils, playing on their sense of predominant danger and driving their already heightened hormones through the roof. It was nearly impossible to escape the cohesive cloak of arousal that reverberated from almost every individual across the student body, and more often than not, I simply took a 'sick' day from the school, just so that I might escape the raging levels of estrogen and testosterone.

I realized, much to my dismay, that a bright person in my current situation would take the wise path, make the correct choice. They would hold up their chin, stifle their pride and move back towards the car park, never looking back towards the growing infestation of human hormones.

…I had never been bright.

I paced quicker into school premises and groaned aloud against my own growing sense of doubt. Today would be unlike any other stormy day at Forks High School. Not only would I be fighting against the emotions of others on a lustful high, but I would be fighting against my own internal battle of crippling desire and lust… All because of her.

A minor section of my psyche was mildly curious as to how my mind and body would withstand the call of Isabella Swan. I had never encountered a creature in my entire life that I had been attracted to on so many levels, and subsequently, the minuscule segment which held an interest in the matter was most intrigued by the possibility of sharing some fleeting, physical pleasure.

But would I be able to resist? Was it possible for me to fight off the emotions of others while dealing with the issues of my own patent provocation?

_You could always turn back, Jasper._

Except I knew that I couldn't. I had gotten in too deep already, there **was** no turning back anymore. This was the last rest stop, the last sliver of salvation left. Today, I would either destroy my future, or forge _our_ own.

I made a conscious effort to remain calm as I strode over towards the dismal gymnasium at the far reaches of the school. It was difficult to pinpoint exactly where my range of fear lay, there were too many levels and varies of hysteria to distinguish between the different sorts. Was it the fear of other's judgment that kept me twitching nervously, or was it the fear of Bella herself? The fear that she would undoubtedly feel sorrow for my senior studies disgrace, especially in the light of my ostensible chivalry.

The echo of a dull, monotonous bounce alerted me to my arrival at the gym. The temptation to simply turn around in this minute was overwhelming, but I peered through the grimy, lucent windows, nonetheless, and recognized the game immediately.

Volleyball.

_Great_, I thought sarcastically, pushing a pale hand through my soaked hair and sighing softly in displeasure. _Because 'beachy' sports are really my kind of thing…_

I inhaled a large, unnecessary gust of oxygen and pushed the gritty, wooden doors open roughly in an attempt to reaffirm my own failing confidence.

The squeak of tennis shoes sliding against vinyl, rubber floors ceased immediately as the entire class stopped to see who'd interrupted their lackluster lesson. I was a freak. Again. I was the loser who'd rejoined the junior class and was currently standing mutably at the corner of the gym staring most unashamedly at the woman before his eyes.

The beautiful, buoyant Bella.

Her eyes locked onto my own instantaneously and I found myself dealing with not only my desire to drain her life source, but with the sudden issue of a raging erection.

Why did she have to be in this class, in this gym, in _that_ outfit? Had the school unintentionally handed her a uniform that was too small for her, or did God simply think it would be humorous to give me a hard-on while in the company of the only woman that I had could possibly ever grow to love?

My eyes raked slowly across her form, drinking in the sight that lay before me. I marveled in the soft stretch of fabric across her breasts, the way her midriff became exposed with each of her labored breaths and the subtle curve of her hips and her bum, leading down to two dangerously tempting legs.

She was magnificent. Utterly celestial.

"Mr. Hale, can we help you?" Coach Clapp asked irritatingly, clearly unimpressed with my blatant appraisal of Bella Swan.

"My apologies coach," I replied sincerely, reluctantly releasing my stare from Bella's body and attempting to stealthily hide my erection with my school bag. "But I believe I am the latest addition to your class. I seem to have… rejoined the junior year."

Several audible gasps rang through the hollow hall, followed by numerous whispers of utter astonishment and confusion.

"Very well Mr. Hale, I trust you still have a uniform. You can go and change now and return immediately so that we continue playing ball."

_Oh joy._

I nodded once in his direction and headed off towards the changing rooms, suddenly fearful of my abrupt change in emotions around Bella. Where was the undeniable thirst and torment? Where had my raging insanity and desire to suck her till the skin grew cold gone?

I had to be wary now, careful as to what the demon was thinking. I had no idea what to expect anymore. Could it be that the monster no longer looked upon Bella Swan as nothing other than a snack? Was there something other than constant lust and desire, did he see an equal, a mate?

I shuddered violently as the images of her cold, marble face assaulted my mind. She would never be like that. I would **never** let her be like that.

I changed quickly from my high fashion outfit into a far less flattering attire consisting of a dark, maroon pair of pants and an equally hideously colored yellow shirt. I glanced briefly past the mirror as I ran from the room and quivered at my reflection in the glass.

Why was I eager to rejoin a game that I detested?

It was stupid to even think the question, when I knew that _her_ name was the answer to almost everything. She was everything that I wanted and more. Why wouldn't I be excited to return to her?

"Okay Isabella," Coach Clapp's voice resonated through the vacant hallway as I moved closer towards my angel. "Try and use your hands to hit the ball, face's don't work so well."

Several laughs came soon after, followed by a deep wave of embarrassment. How dare he? What right did he have to mock Bella when he knew less of physical interaction than most sub-level high school graduates? Surely she could not be so terrible. Surely she at least had the skill to avoid serving the volleyball with her face.

I stepped once again into the gymnasium and watched as Bella stepped up for a serve.

_Or maybe not…_

I watched as her hand withdrew slowly and then slapped back with a misguided force, propelling the ball off the court and towards a rather irritable crowd of onlookers. Her face scrunched softly in humiliation as she uttered quick words of apology and attempted to hide in the back of her team.

"Okay Isabella, perhaps you could finish up now," Coach Clapp murmured hesitantly, clearing trying to spare her anymore embarrassment. "Volleyball might not be your game, maybe something else.."

She was being forced from the court because she was considered inadequate? No. Bella Swan was anything but inadequate… She just needed to learn.

"No need sir," I interjected quickly, stepping onto the smooth, rubber floor and stilling Bella in her hasty escape. "I'll join Bella's team and I'll show her how to serve."

I watched with great amusement as her eyes widened in a mixture of fear and shock. Her head began to shake quickly as she tried to communicate her disapproval to me. She didn't want to play. She honestly didn't think she was good enough.

"It's easy," I said quietly, taking a step closer to her and marveling at the way my pain in her presence gave me a sick sort of pleasure. The risk drove my sexual desires on… I needed to be closer to her.

A deep smog of jealousy settled over my class mates, yet again, as Bella stumbled tentatively towards my open arms. Her deep, dark eyes seemed clouded with a combination of confusion and want. Did she think of me in the way I did her? Her emotions seemed to be filled with nothing but worry and shame. But was it possible that their was an underlining touch of desire?

"It's all about technique," I explained quietly, picking up the battered ball and spinning her slowly so that her back was lined against my stomach. She was so unbelievably close; closer than this morning, closer than I had ever dreamed I could touch her. Her scent flared through my nostrils like a scolding fire… But it did not ignite the killer in me, No, it ignited the passion in the man.

She took the ball from my hands softly as I ran my hands across her arms, reaching closer towards her open palms. She shivered quietly and I inwardly moaned at the sensation that shook through my veins. It was unbelievable. Pure and absolute ecstasy.

"Now," I whispered quietly, skimming my nose across her cheek bone as I whispered instructions into her ear. "Hold the bottom of the ball with the palm of your left hand and the top with the palm of your right hand."

She did so slowly and in that moment, I knew that my own arousal was straining dangerously close towards her backside. But I would never let her go. Because this was something that I had never felt before, never even imagined possessing. It was as if all the hatred and self loathing that I bared disappeared. There was no painful struggle of a decision on whether or not to slaughter her. She was human, but more than that, she was my other half. Forty eight hours I had known her, and forty eight hours was all that I needed to know what was unequivocally correct. Even the monster recognized this as a fact…

…And that was what I feared the most. The monster wanted something other than blood now. It wanted a partner, a mate. How far it would be wiling to go to obtain that, I did not know. But I knew that a relationship between a human and a vampire was near impossible. So by that account, was it possible to be with Bella Swan while she was alive?

"What now?" She breathed softly, noticing my sudden silence.

I ran my hand back up her arm and let it skim softly down the side of her body and to her hip. She gasped quietly and I leant my forehead against her shoulders, struggling to control the urge to make love to her on the court.

"Okay, toss the ball up with the palm of your left hand and hit the bottom of the ball with your right. I know it may seem a little structured, but trust me, your hands will respond."

She nodded quickly and I grasped her hip a little tighter, keeping her legs in place.

The advantage of vampire sight meant that I could watch her serve with careful precision. I watched as her hand shot up quickly -though it could have easily been at least a minute to my eyes- and the ball flew softly into the air. Her right hand withdrew harshly, but I could see that it would not hit the ball with enough force to send it over the court. She need to hit it with ferocity, with strength.

I tilted my head towards her face and softly grazed my lips across her earlobe.

"Hard."

Her hand shot out with such intensity, then, that even I cringed away from the force, shocked by her sudden strength and skill.

The ball went ricocheting across the court with a fierce force, hitting several of the opponents and creating a large applause to sound out from our own team.

Coach Clapp cheered in disbelief, Mike Newton stewed in jealousy, Jessica Stanley looked impressed and the entire class shuffled out happily as the bell rang, signaling the end of gym.

But none of this meant anything… because she was still here. With me. In my arms.

"T-Thank you," She stuttered quietly, not moving from our embrace on the court. "I think that's probably the first time I've ever succeeded in gym!"

I nodded against her neck and breathed her heady scent in greedily.

"Come on you two," Coach Clapp bellowed loudly, glancing impatiently at his watch and signaling for us to get changed.

I released her slowly, immediately missing the warmth she left in my arms.

"Well thanks again." She whispered softly, wandering off towards the change rooms in obscure walking patterns.

I didn't want her to leave. I didn't want to let her go.

"What's your next class?" I asked quickly, running up behind her so that I could bask in her presence a moment longer.

Her eye's squinted slightly in frustration as she her mind mulled over the thought, attempting to remember which class came next.

"Biology," She said finally, smiling a bright eyed expression and moving back towards the change rooms.

"Me too," I said enthusiastically, running ahead of her so that she would have no choice but to walk towards me. "I'll show you where it's at."

She smiled once more and nodded, laughing quietly to herself.

"I had a class yesterday, but sure, I'll walk with you. Just let me quickly get changed."

I laughed faintly and watched as she stumbled towards the bathroom awkwardly, briefly stopping at the entrance and facing me once more.

"You're brother's in our class too," She added softly, "Edmund, I think."

I nodded stiffly and attempted to keep the polite smile on my face as she slipped into the darkened building slowly, leaving me to wander purposefully towards my own change room and leaving me to dread the next hour or class.

Me, Bella and Edward…. Well, this **would** be fun.

**I miss writing for Michal and Alice… Haha!**

**Anyhoo, sorry it's a tad late but I couldn't do it earlier.**

**Review if you wish to know what happens. Unless, of course, you are **_**Oracle Vas**_**, which in that case you already know everything that's going to happen because you are the all-seeing eye! Hahaha!**

**X**


	9. Blackout

**I'm sorry! So very, VERY sorry, but I am so overwhelmed by senior year. **

**This is a longer chapter to make up for the lateness so…**

**Enjoy!**

**P.S- I'm surprised any of you aren't completely confused, because I re-read the previous chapter and I kept thinking 'What the hell was I writing about?' Just in case some of you are, the reason that Jasper's blood-lust has lessened so significantly is because the 'monster' within him now sees Bella as a mate. So it's goal has changed from draining her, to changing her!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

Chapter 9: Blackout

I waited anxiously at the peripheral of the gymnasium doors, fidgeting with the collar of my button down shirt and attempting to reign in my eager and erotic thoughts.

I had touched her. Touched her in a way that I had never imagined possible. Caressed her warmth, felt the way it quivered beneath my touch, the way the blood flowed beneath the snowy film of skin… And I had left her alive.

…But why?

I knew the answer to the question before the thought had even completely formed.

No matter what I did any more I was losing a raging battle. I either left her alone and suffered through my own torment at the absence of her presence, or I endeavored to remain in her company and slowly, but surely, give into the monster's desire for a mate. A part of my longed for the simplicity of the violent lust of her blood, at least that way I knew where the demon stood. Now I _needed_ her, needed her in much more ways than one… and I knew that the monster's latest pursuit was much more important that it's previous.

The sudden blow of a fresh scent alerted me to Bella's arrival and I spun quickly to face the doors as she lumbered over to me like an angel from a Michelangelo portrait. She _was_ an angel, my angel. A vision of the heavens, if there ever was one. Her hair hung around her sweaty forehead in a beautifully disheveled manner, while the fabric of her winter wardrobe clung to her subtle curves in all the right places.

God, how I wanted her.

She made an awkward attempt at a smile while she slung her bag onto her back and fumbled with the books in her hands. How adorably human she was. How feeble and yet utterly strong she was. Strong to be here. Strong to stand beside me on her second day of school and speak to me as if we had been friends for years. She had so much strength, so much power beneath the fragile exterior of her delicate body. She just had to realize it.

"Allow me," I said suddenly, sweeping her books into my own arms before she had a chance to object. For someone so incredibly insubstantial, she was incredibly stubborn when it came to accepting help.

Her mouth swung open in a preemptive protest, but she slowly closed it again and nodded once in my direction, whispering her thanks.

"Shall we go?" I asked politely, extending a free hand to her in a sudden yearning for her touch.

A sudden pool of blood rushed to her cheeks and she nodded slowly, slipping her scorching hot hand into my own. I hissed in quiet pleasure and pain as I curled my long fingers around her small ones. Shouldn't the very sight of the blood beneath her cheeks cause me to lurch forward in painful blood lust.

_React dammit!_ I screamed internally, wishing for the monster to abandon it's desire of mateship and return to it's lust of sustenance.

"Are your hands always so cold?" She asked suddenly as we moved off towards Biology.

I hesitated for a moment before answering, trying to phrase my words so that I would not blatantly lie.

"…Not _always._ In fact you'll see that I might be plenty warmer in a few minutes."

She nodded silently, squinting her eyes at the passing numbers on the buildings as if to discern where she was.

"It's building number two," I whispered quietly, steering her towards the large, stone brick building at the corner of the school campus.

"Ah yes, now I remember," She replied softly, wrapping her fingers tighter around my hand as crowds of onlookers stared most unashamedly at our retreating figures.

A crack of lightening ripped through the darkened sky and the same crowd of onlookers screamed in a mixture of fright and delight, running to seek shelter beneath the cover of the nearby buildings.

Bella's heart rate seemed to increase dramatically as the roll of thunder followed soon after.

"Not a fan of storms," I questioned quietly, aiming to keep her distracted as we moved into Biology.

"Not when I'm at home, but when I have no car and I'm in an unfamiliar town, yeah, they freak me out a little."

"Bella," I sighed softly, chuckling a little as we hung our coats on the racks. "Do you honestly think I would just let you walk home in this? Don't be absurd, I am giving you a lift home and if you refuse I am just going to have to walk you the entire way."

She snorted in an almost a challenging manner, but she agreed nonetheless and took her books from my arms before shuffling further into the class room.

It was only then that I noticed Edward sitting at the front desk of the room, eyeing my Bella with a stare that was far more than curious. His emotions danced from intrigue, to dissatisfaction and back to curiosity as Bella staggered forward and took her seat beside Angela Webber.

I could understand his confusion over my apparent presence in the junior class, but why should he suddenly be so captivated by Bella Swan?

His gaze snapped over to my own as he registered my thoughts and he pulled out the empty chair beside him, gesturing for me to sit down.

"Mr. Hale, is there are reason why you're in my class?"

I groaned loudly and dumped my own belongings on the table before spinning to face the always difficult manner of Mr. Banner.

"I'm sorry sir," I droned quietly, repeating the very words that I had spoken to Coach Clapp this morning. "But I have rejoined the Junior class and as such, I've re-enrolled myself in Biology."

Again, there was a ripple of gasps as the students whispered their mutual murmurs of my seeming failure at the senior year. Their were feelings of shock, alarm and not at all to my surprise; satisfaction that one of the Cullens had finally shown failure in the academic department.

"Very well, take the seat beside your brother."

I nodded curtly in appreciation and moved to heave myself upon the metal framed chair, most unwilling to subject myself to the onslaught of questions that I knew Edward would unleash.

"Well this is different," He whispered quietly, speaking much to low and fast for the human ear to pick up. "Since when have you openly admitted to failure, especially one which you have never made?"

I ignored his jab at my self control, and answered with a simple two word answer.

"Since today."

"Oh come on, Jasper," He sighed roughly, tilting his head slightly to better communicate with me. "This Isabella can't be worth repeating Junior year."

"Her name is Bella," I snapped suddenly, "And I must say, that statement is incredibly rich considering you how you were just appraising her."

He snorted quietly but did not press the issue further. Why could he not accept me for who I truly was, faults and all? Why did he have to nit pick at every decision I made as if he knew that he could do it better.

"I don't think that, Jasper."

I pushed a hand roughly through my hair and swore faintly, wanting nothing more than to take Bella in my arms and run with her till the edge of the earth.

"It's an infatuation," He interrupted quickly. "I think you need help."

I gripped the edge of the table tighter, splintering the delicate wood and crushing it into a snowy pulp.

"How dare you tell me what I can and cannot feel," I bit back lethally, throwing the wooden pulp across his lap. "You're the conflicted hundred-and-seven year old virgin vampire. What relationship advice can you possibly offer?"

"Oh right," he retorted just as heatedly, "Because I don't go around having sex with whoever will have me, I have no knowledge of what constitutes a relationship?!"

"Hale and Cullen," Mr. Banner boomed loudly, clearly unimpressed with our interruption of his uninspiring lesson. "Is there something you would like to share with the class? Or should I just put my lesson on hold so that you can finish your very important debate?"

I sneered immaturely at Edward, but remained silent, sensing Banner's frustration.

When neither of us replied, he smiled in satisfaction at his authority and continued his lecture on the cells of plants vs. animals.

"Now I'd like you all to team up for the next experiment. I'll be handing you the stem of the local Aster flower and I would like you to dissect it so that we can study the cells within the leaves."

A deafening crack of thunder reverberated in the hollow room, followed by several shrill screams of fright. The storm was obviously extremely close and the atmosphere in the classroom grew incredibly dense with hormone levels.

"Stay calm students," Mr. Banner attempted to intervene, beckoning for them to retake their seats. "I'm sure the storm will pass, lets just stay away from the windows and continue with the lesson."

A second streak of lightening tore through the sky, followed by an even louder thrum of thunder. The fear seemed to streak higher than the hormones in that moment, as a third lightening bolt split across the horizon.

Then, as if on cue with the vociferous screams of students, every light across the simple school extinguished, leaving nothing but an uncontrolled, frightened collection of peevish pupils.

"Oh great," Edward sighed sarcastically, moving slightly as if to distance himself from the rest of us. "Will you calm them down…"

"Oh right, because I'm going to be able to placate a bunch of teenagers high on the thrill of a blackout."

He eyed me off slowly, before suddenly shifting his gaze towards where Bella sat.

"What?" I asked suddenly frightened, "what's she thinking?"

It seemed as if Edward's face fell slightly in that moment, but it was reserved once more before I had a chance to recognize it.

"No, I wasn't her I was listening to," he informed me reluctantly, "I was listening to Banner, I think they're going to send us home."

I nodded slowly, weighing the pros and cons of that statement.

"But she's okay, right?" I asked again, curious as to why he would dismiss it. "She's not too freaked out or anything?"

A whole minute of silence passed before he turned unwillingly to face me.

"I don't know…"

I spun quickly in my chair to face where she had been sitting, suddenly frightened that she was not there. But there she sat, in the same frightened posture as the girls surrounding her.

"What do you mean 'you don't know?' She's sitting right there!"

"I can't… I can't really read, or see.." He began slowly, stuttering in a most un-Edward like fashion.

"What?"

"…Her mind."

It took me a moment to accept what he had spoken as truth. How could Edward not read her mind? Why should Bella Swan be an exception to a gift which had never encountered issues before?

"I don't know, Jasper. I don't understand why she is different."

A small part of me was overjoyed at this revelation, glad that Edward would never understand such a personal part of Bella. But the other, more protective part of me, was screaming in worry. Apprehensive of what was wrong with her mind.

"STUDENTS!" Mr. Banner bellowed loudly over the screams of the class, clapping his hands loudly in an attempt to redirect their attention. "I've just received word that a very fierce storm is going to hit Forks in about an hour, so I've been instructed to send you all home immediately."

Several cheers of contentment sounded through the class room, followed by a disgruntled sigh from the teacher.

"Yes, well, don't be too happy. This is going to be a bad storm, I wouldn't recommend being out tonight. Once you've packed up your free to go, drive safe."

Every student rushed from their seat in that moment, as if fearful that Mr. Banner would suddenly spin around telling them that he was only joking and they would have to stay in his classroom for the remainder of the day. I watched as the whirlwind of students ran from the class room, cheering songs of praise and running to the parking lot as if it was Spring break.

"I should get home," Edward said conclusively, rising fluidly from his chair and throwing his belongings into his bag in a grace that could never be mistaken for human.

"I'll see you at home then?" He asked quietly, already knowing where my decision laid.

"Yeah," I smiled coyly, unintentionally peeking at Bella. "I've got some things to do.."

He gave me one last fleeting, humorous, glance before slipping elegantly from the room, leaving only Mr. Banner, Bella and myself.

"You ready to go then?" I asked brightly, picking up our coats and walking slowly towards the anxious human before me.

Her bottom lip pursed softly in contemplation and I inwardly groaned at the temptation to reach out and capture that plump lip between my own. She was _too_ desirable, _too_ provocative for her own good.

"Look, Jasper…"

I almost laughed at her then, sensing her rejection of my proposal. She was so unbelievably selfless. Selfless to the point of possessing no self preservation.

"…It's really kind of you to offer, but you heard about the storm, it's going to be really bad. I don't want you driving home and getting caught in that because you had to drive me."

"And I don't want you walking home in it," I rebutted, taking a step closer to her. "Listen Bella, I wasn't joking when I said that I would walk with you. If you refuse this lift, I'm just going to have to follow you home and then we'll **both** get caught in the storm."

She stared at me quizzically for a long while, her smile growing larger with each passing moment.

"You know you're really stubborn sometimes," She said finally, laughing a melodious sound which ignited a deep happiness within me.

"I guess that make's two of us then," I replied laughing, slipping her jacket onto her shoulders and steering her somewhat forcefully out of the room so that she had no choice but to submit.

The parking lot was all but empty when we finally arrived, all of the students having taken the opportunity to race home. The thunder and lightening continued to crack menacingly overhead and each time it did so, Bella shook violently in fright.

"Here we are," I said proudly, slipping my legs over the hostelry of the bike and passing Bella the large helmet. "Hopefully we'll beat the rain, but if not…"

"You'll just get me wet?" She asked smiling brazenly as she slipped the helmet over her face.

I laughed shakily as my sudden erection throbbed painfully against the metal frame of the bike. Did she have any idea of the impact of her words? Did she even understand the double meaning behind what she just said?

She hoisted her jeans over her hips before heaving one leg over the leather and straddling the waist of the bike.

Oh, how I was wished for her to straddle other things. For her to use her legs for something more than she could possibly know.

Her arms wrapped around me this time without assistance, locking around my torso and causing her to unintentionally thrust forward in an effort to better her balance.

She really would be the death of me.

"You ready??" I asked loudly, hoping for the sound to penetrate through the thick padding of the helmet.

Her head bobbed against my back and I threw my foot against the start peddle, roaring the engine to life.

_Well then let's ride._

The road slipped from underneath us as the bike tore through the parking lot, swerving onto the open road and heading North towards her house.

This was heaven. It was most hilarious, really, that this morning I had considered this position to be hell. How could I have ever thought this to be torturous? How could I have ever grimaced to be between her legs the way I was now?

Another streak of lightening illuminated the darkened sky and Bella's hands clawed tighter into my flesh, straying further towards my erection.

Okay, so _this_ was hell now. Having her be so close but not close enough. Having her touch me where she was, but not where she could be. I needed to be closer to her, nearer to her infectious warmth.

A large roll of thunder boomed once more, followed almost immediately by a heavy pounding of rain. It seemed to creep across the sky in unnatural speed, soaking through my hair and clothes and causing the already slippery road to become even more lethal.

I could feel Bella shaking behind me, but it took me a moment to realize that it was not chills which caused her body to tremble, but laughter. She was laughing.

I smiled softly to myself, but then burst out laughing with her. Laughing at the situation, laughing at the rain and laughing at ourselves.

It was not long before the familiar Swan residence came into sight, peeking indistinctly on the horizon at first, but slowly becoming more distinct as the road wore on.

I pulled to a gentle slope at the lip of the drive, turning off the ignition and jumping from the bike in all too-vampire like speed.

Bella continued laughing as she slipped the helmet from her head and grasped my hand tightly in hers as we ran through the torrential rain towards the cover of her patio.

"Quickly," I said in mock impatience as she fumbled with her keys in the door.

She pushed back playfully against my chest and I whimpered in an almost painful pleasure, as her nails dragged slowly across the marble skin.

The door finally gave way under our protest and she ran in immediately, completely oblivious to the effect she'd just had on me.

"Get inside," She said hastily, staring as I stood motionless at her doorway.

"No, I should probably get back…"

"Oh, no you don't," she said earnestly, grabbing the collar of my shirt and pulling me inside. "You think I'm going to let you drive home in this? You'll kill yourself! You will stay here until the storm passes or I'm going to walk you home."

She stared boldly at me, attempting to look menacing as she held her hands on her hips. But in that moment she was anything but menacing. In that moment she was irresistible.

Her wet hair clung to her translucent skin in manner that was beyond sexy. Her shirt, now completely soaked through revealed the straining buds of her frozen nipples, fighting against the fabric and making me all but lose every morsel of self control.

I had never been more turned on in my life.

"I'll stay," I croaked out hoarsely, pushing a hand through my own soaked hair and shuffling past her into the living room. "But I may never leave…"

She laughed softly and moved into the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge in an effort to find food.

Oh, how she had no idea of the sincerity behind me words. There was no doubt in my mind that, given the chance, I would never leave her again. But she would grow older. She would age and die, while I would never change. **Could** never change.

"You hungry?" She asked politely, poking her head from behind the refrigerator.

"No, I just ate."

In many respects, the statement **was** true. I had eaten this morning… _What_ I had eaten was a whole other issue.

"Make yourself comfortable," She continued, scattering a whole lot of food packages on the kitchen table. "And try to ignore the school photos scattered around the house."

I chuckled softly and meandered over to the small couch, sinking into the pillows and pretending to watch something on the television.

Everything had changed now. The line between what the monster wanted and what I needed was beginning to grow fuzzy. Our desires were merging, our goals becoming one. What ever fights that I had fought with myself would be nothing compared to what I needed to decide on now.

When it came to the issue of Isabella Swan, the battle between myself had only just begun.

**Ha!**

**SSOORRRRRRYYY!!! I hate school, I hate it! Hhhaaattttteee iiittttt!!!!**

**X o x o x o x o x o x o x o x o x o x o X**


	10. Today and Tomorrow

**Thank you so much for all of the reviews. They made me so happy and your support really took the stress off, so thank you very, very much. I'm glad so many of you are enjoying the story so far, I only hope the chapters and plotline continue to impress.**

**I hope this chapter says thank you to all the reviewers from the last chapter.**

**This is dedicated to _Lecia_**** for being an awesome friend. So thanks hun, love ya!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

Chapter 10: Today and Tomorrow

Only ten minutes had passed since I'd first passed the threshold into Bella Swan's heated home… and for ten minutes I had been twitching uncomfortably at the far edge of the couch, staring brazenly at the goddess before me.

Didn't she realize that the clothes wrapped provocatively around her body were soaked to the bone? Could she not see how awkwardly I sat, watching, listening, hanging on her every word- praying that she'd leave, whilst simultaneously hoping that she never would?

…I was in love

…or at the very least, severely infatuated with Isabella Swan.

She finished with the sandwich she'd been eating, pushing the crusts aimlessly around the plate and shuddering violently each time the storm hit viciously outside, trying to continue telling me about her mother and the previous life she'd led in Phoenix. When she'd finished speaking I came to only one conclusion about her; She was utterly magnificent.

She cared more about her mother's happiness than she did for her own welfare. The rain, the gloom, the town that she detested so, was a place that she elected to move just so that she might give her mother a chance for true happiness.

She was selfless, righteous, kind, caring… And I wanted to be with her for all eternity.

The monster within cheered in delight, pleased with our apparent mergence of goals. I visibly shook in disgust and began to reposition my posture on the coach, attempting to hide my arousal.

"…And so here I am," She finished up, glancing briefly to meet my gold eyes with her brown ones. There was a timid innocence that lay beneath those deep orbs, the kind of virtue and integrity that was so difficult to find in modern generations. But far beyond that, there was a hidden strength and power. A force that pulled me into her like nothing I had ever experienced before.

"But what about you," She continued slowly, casually flicking a piece of wet her across her shoulder. "I've only heard snippets of gossip about your family, but I'd be interested in the truth. You were adopted, right?"

I nodded once, reluctantly tearing my eyes from the water droplets cascading across her chest and leaving faint water marks in the denim of her jeans.

"Carlisle and Esme have been my parents for a long time now. Just as Edward, Rose, Emmett and Ally have been my siblings."

She kept quiet, willing me to continue. A part of me knew that I shouldn't be talking about this, but that same part of me couldn't stop. She was like a magnet, drawing out all my secrets and past experiences. But more than that, she made me _want_ to share these things with her… because talking about them, talking with her, made me feel _human._

"I honestly don't remember much of my biological family, it was a different time, a completely different life. But I can't bring myself to regret that, either. Carlisle and Esme have been everything that I could ever hope for in parents, so I don't think I'd want to know a life without them, a life without that love."

She smiled wistfully at me, propping her head up with her hands and staring me fully in the face.

"Too corny?" I asked cautiously, suddenly feeling like a school boy being laughed at by his crush.

"No, not at all, quite the opposite.."

"Meaning?"

She smiled once more, stepping from her position in the arm chair and moving to sit beside me on the couch.

"Meaning that I'm beginning to think you are one-of-a-kind."

She cocked her head to the side as if to appraise my features, leaving me smiling like a dope and suddenly feeling very self-conscious.

"I'm just trying to figure out what you are," She said slowly, squinting her eyes slightly and leaning in as if to inspect my pores.

I didn't like the implication of 'what.' It implied that she already knew, knew that I was something other than human. But wasn't that what I truly wanted- The truth? To have her know what I was, what I am, so that I could be with her in the way I truly wanted to be?

"They don't make guys like you anymore…"

She said the words so softly that I was unsure if she meant for me to hear them... But I did. And they sent a surge of bliss straight to my cold, still heart.

The heavy mass of rain pelted over the roof, keeping a steady thrum and beat that made the silence somewhat unbearable. I could handle the lack of conversation, but it was my own urges that kept me stiff and silent in fear that I might jump her. I needed to touch her, to hold her in my arms. When she was speaking I could concentrate on the words, concentrate on the things she spoke of, but now…

A large bolt of lightening must have struck a tree outside, for a deafening crack bellowed through the house, followed by a sudden tremble that shook through the very foundations of the Swan residence.

Bella's reflex occurred not a second later, with her heart beat jumping through the roof and her body itself, jumping towards the opposite end of the couch.

Despite what I knew I should have done, I laughed heartedly and threw a hand across her back, pulling her closer to me so that she was sitting across my lap… or more correctly, so that she was **straddling** my lap.

When I twisted her to face me, I realized -with some pleasure- that she had been closer than I had anticipated and her nose now skimmed my own, her lips mere inches from mine.

"S--Sorry," She breathed slowly, stunning me with the floral scent of her breath. "I should have… I mean, I'll move--"

Her eyes probed deep into my own, looking for the answer to an unasked question. In that moment I forgot everything that I was aiming to suppress. Forgot the monster, the goals, the vampires, the humans …and just thought of her.

"Jasper?"

I moved so cautiously then that I was sure she would shuffle away, telling me that I was some sort of pervert trying to take advantage of her in her own home…

…But she didn't.

She molded her chest against my own and when I lightly touched my lips against hers, she clenched her legs tighter against me. _This_ was heaven. _This_ was better than blood, better than sex and better than anything I had ever experienced in my hundred-and-fifty plus years. I swam in our combined arousal and felt my still heart flutter at the tinge of love that floated in the air.

Her soft, plump lips moved lightly against my own, sweeping as if she knew that there were boundaries, knew that this life or death. My hands moved across her thighs, up her hips and along her back, pressing her torso firmer against my own. I could feel her nipples straining against the fabric of our shirts and I fought back the urge to toss her onto her back right then and there. Slowly the kiss grew more heated, burning a lustful flame through our melded bodies. She wound her fingers into my hair, clutching me closer to her as my hands pushed her hips into my own, showing her, letting her feel exactly how much she aroused me.

_You could do it now,_ My thoughts reminded me, playing on what I desired most. _All it would take was one tiny bite to make her yours… To make her __**ours**_…

I wouldn't, I knew that- But even as I was rejecting it, the other half of my mind was planning it, showing me a lustful life with my vampire bride… With my vampire Bella.

I **did** want it, more than anything. And as the woman I loved kissed me feverishly, it was all that I could think of, all that haunted my mind.

A high pitched ring reverberated through the otherwise silent house, tearing Bella from my embrace and throwing the both of us back into reality. She jumped quickly from my lap, running towards the phone like a child caught stealing candy and held the receiver to her face, panting from a combination of fright and lust.

"Hello?"

"_Bella?"_

I recognized the voice on the other end as Charlie and propped myself upright on the couch, fearful that he could have somehow seen our position not moments ago.

"_I tried calling earlier but I think the lines were down. Listen, Bells, this storm is going to be a bad one--"_

"I know dad," She interjected quickly, sensing -as I did- the hysteria in his tone. "We got sent home early because of it."

"_Good, I don't want you outside in this Bella, you'll be killed. But that's not why I called.."_

The receiver was silent for a moment, only the faint hum of interference was evident buzzing through.

"Dad? You still there?"

"_Sorry Bells, I'm here. Anyway, I rang to tell you that I probably won't be able to make it home tonight. I'm really sorry, but there's a lot of things going on down here and I'm going to be needed all night. Besides, if this is as bad as it is supposed to be, I probably shouldn't be on the road."_

"That bad?" She asked faintly, twisting the phone cord in her fingers and chewing on her bottom lip.

"_Yeah, 'fraid so, storms seem to bring out all the freaks."_

She snorted softly at Charlie's odd sense of humor and turned away from me, facing into the kitchen.

"Will you be okay, dad?"

"_I'll be fine, I'm with plenty of people-- You on the other hand."_

"I'm fine dad, really. I got a lift home with a friend--"

"_What's wrong with your car?"_ He asked quickly, the note of hysteria creeping back into his voice.

"Oh right, sorry, I forgot to tell you- It broke down. But that's not the point. All I'm saying is I'm home with a friend now, and if this storm is as bad as you say it's going to be, I will certainly not be sending them home anytime soon."

She spun slowly to face me and I winked at her, earning myself the most delicious blush in return. I almost laughed at her use of non-gender specific words. She was clearly trying not to lie to Charlie, but at the same time, she did not want to tell him the truth.

"_Oh.. Well good. Maybe they can stay the night. There's some spare linen in the closet if you wanted to make her up a bed."_

I both felt and saw the guilt cross her features then, her mind obviously contemplating whether or not to correct him.

"Okay dad, I'll make them up a bed now… Just be safe okay?"

"_Sure thing, Bells, you too. I'll speak to you later."_

The dial tone rang out then, followed by a whispered goodbye into the silence.

Bella placed the receiver back into the phone hook and turned back towards my position on the lounge. A touch of embarrassment colored her features and in the most human manner of comfort that I could think of in that moment, I opened my arms to her.

A bright smile sprawled across her face and she sauntered towards me, landing with a small thump on my lap.

I felt so very human, so very foreign to this whole new life with her. I was like a virgin again- Albeit, a highly experienced virgin, but a virgin nonetheless.

"The storm's going to get worse," She whispered, laying her head against my chest. "Charlie suggested you stay here.."

"So I heard," I replied chuckling, wrapping my arms around her frail body and stroking her hair. "I suppose it would be wise, you know, especially with the motorbike and all."

She lifted her head from my chest and stared me in the eyes.

"So you wouldn't mind? The couch isn't always the most comfortable thing to sleep on and it can get really cold, not to mention--"

I silenced her by pushing my lips lightly against her's once more, brushing the soft skin with tenderness and sighing contently as I laid my forehead against her own.

"No, I don't mind."

She smiled a goofy, teenage smile and I couldn't help but smile with her- her happiness was so infectious.

"Just so that we're clear," she said softly, avoiding my eye contact and staring at her lap. "You don't have some equally gorgeous girlfriend that will hurt me if she ever finds out about this?"

_This was wrong…_

"No, I've never really met anyone like you Bella."

_So wrong…_

Her eyes met mine in that minute of silence, a feeling passed through us was like nothing I had ever felt in all my empathic years. I needed her. Not just for lust, or blood or any basic animalistic desire. I needed her because now she held a part of me. A part that I had never given to anyone; Now, she held my heart. It was foolish, idiotic and completely irrational that I should give it to her, but that was love, wasn't it? And I would take her's while she offered it… Before this ended. Before she found out what I was and ran screaming from my presence.

"What about you?" I asked quickly, dismissing the thoughts that haunted me the most. "Any crazy ex boyfriend who will kill me if I come near you?"

She laughed brightly and I couldn't help but smile at the melodious sound. "No, not me. You?"

"A few," I replied softly, causing her to catch her breath. "But all my ex-boyfriends are quite friendly most of the time."

She laughed again, this time brushing a hand casually across dampened chest. "I meant girlfriends."

"I know," I said slowly, savoring the sensation of her heated flesh on mine. "They're okay too."

She pushed her arms around my neck and held my own gaze to hers.

"I feel like I've known you a very long time, Jasper."

"I know, me too."

"Years, possibly decades," She said slowly, gauging my reaction. "I know that sounds like some idiotic, teenage love crap… But it's true."

"Nothing you say sounds like crap," I reminded her, pushing her hair back from her neck. "But this 'thing' we have now… It won't be easy."

She stared at me for a long moment then, as if contemplating whether or not to rebut. Eventually, however, she must have sensed the sincerity behind my words, for she nodded curtly, never shifting her gaze from mine.

"Why is that I believe you when you say that? That I believe that there is something not right here?"

"Because you're a smart girl, Bella… and you know danger when it stares you in the face."

"So now you're dangerous?" She asked disbelievingly, clearly not impressed with my choice of words. "I don't care, Jasper, I don't."

I stared at her for a long moment, letting her sentence hang loosely in the air.

"You will."

She sighed exasperatedly and held my face in her two small hands.

"Okay then, how about we just make an agreement that until you figure out what it is you really want, I don't have to know. I can be me and you can be you and we'll just go from there?"

"You make it sound so simple," I replied quietly, forcing the monster's delight from my mind.

"It is."

"It's not."

"Okay," She sighed, moving from my lap to sit beside me. "I believe we've reached what is most commonly know as a 'dead-end.'"

I laughed lightly, despite the serious tone I was aiming to keep up.

"How about we just live for now and then we'll deal with your issues in the morning?"

"So stubborn.." I reminisced quietly, putting my hand into hers.

"You're right, you can be stubborn, but I'm willing to overlook it."

I laughed loudly, then, and scooped her back into my arms. There was something about her warmth, the soft glow of heat that emanated from her body, that begged my hands to touch her.

"Okay then," I said reluctantly, stroking my thumb across her face. "We have today to just _be_… But tomorrow…"

"Yeah, yeah," She said dismissively, taking my hands in her's.

"…We'll deal with tomorrow when tomorrow arrives."

**No, they are not going to have sex. What are you crazy? Hahaha, I warned you in my profile what I was like! However, once they get there... that's a whole other story ;)**

**I honestly never expected them to get this far in chapter ten, I was planning on Jasper still procrastinating the hell out of everything. But these characters have a mind of their own and when they want to kiss, they get to kiss.**

**Again, thank you for all your support!**

**X o x o x o x o x o x o x o x o X**


	11. Lust

**Oh sweet mother of god- I have one more exam left before I am FINALLY done with all my work… It took long enough!**

**So while this chapter may be late (incredibly so), It is the last of it's kind until after the Christmas break ha-ha! Also, I thought you should know -and please don't freak out- that I am going on holiday for a few weeks over the season and I am highly doubtful that I will be updating whilst I'm away. But I leave in just over two weeks, so I will cram as many updates before than as I can- especially in the second week because I will have no school then :D**

**Thank you for all the reviews though, they really helped me through this shitty work load lol.**

**This chapter mostly deals with Jasper's urges and how he has to control them. Sorry if it's a tad 'meh', but I thought it needed to be dealt with. **

**Warning: Language; not much, but I thought I should say.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

Chapter 11: Lust

Surely this was the closest I would ever get to heaven. I was, undoubtedly, a specimen that was neither dead nor alive- but this was certainly no purgatory. This was the icing on the cake, the cherry on the top, the piesta resistance… this was everything.

The beautiful woman lay sleeping on my lap, her hair thrown wildly around my chest as her steady ebb of breath blew tendrils of the dark brown locks around my face.

Exquisite.

The afternoon had passed as somewhat of a blur- the majority of the time being dedicated to a meticulous question and answer game regarding each others lives. I didn't want to lie flat out to her, so I kept the history minimal; bending the truth to better suit my past. She wanted to know about my life before Forks, the school and home that I had previously known. I answered with the most recent history, always careful to not mention something out side a three year boundary. She had no idea the amount of schools that I had been to… No idea about the identities and roles that I had played.

When she spoke I listened with a hungry ear, always eager to drink up even the most minimal of details from her past. She was like some spectacular puzzle, and with each bit of history that she revealed, I grew a little closer to setting all the pieces of her life right.

The storm continued to rage relentlessly outside the Swan residence all afternoon, shaking the house and surrounding environment, and completely living up to the expectation that Charlie had created for it.

Occasionally it would startle Bella's nerves more violently, and she would spring herself from wherever she was sitting towards the corner of the room; Always cagey, always wary of the unseen force outside.

I had successfully managed to pass through dinner, never arousing any unwanted questions about my appetite- or lack of, as the case was. I was sure that Bella's suspicion was pricked, but she remained quiet, staring inquisitively over her own bowl of pasta as her mind attempted to answer what it couldn't understand…

…I was different. Abnormal. Unusual.

And she knew it.

But we didn't speak of it. No, in accordance with her own rules we let the night unfold how it would, not daring to think upon the consequences of this relationship until tomorrow.

And so here she was, wrapped between my arms as she slept through the irritating buzz of a senseless commercial playing on the television. I timidly stroked the pale plane of her cheek bone and her head rolled back against my shoulder, her body reacting off it's own accord to the touch of one who desired her so. The snowy skin of her throat was stretched before me, but there was no bloodlust, no fight to take her life.

"Mmm… Okay…"

She tumbled amongst my arms, murmuring her sleep talk into the damp fabric of my shirt and sighing heavily as her dream continued.

I felt a twang of jealousy as I watched her dreaming contentedly, visiting a place through her subconscious which was off-limits to me; I couldn't sleep, couldn't dream. I hesitantly gathered her in one arm and used the other to grab for the remote. It was dangerous to have a television on in a storm. If it hadn't been for her irresistible pleas, I would never have allowed her to turn it on in the first place. But there was something soothing about the hum and the glow, she had said. Something comforting and remindful that she wasn't alone.

It saddened me to know that she still felt like that. But she had played the adult with her mother for so many years of her life, that I supposed there was a certain accompany of isolation that would be expected when she could no longer play that part. Her mother had re-married now. She no longer needed her daughter to play the role that a husband could fulfil.

"Please… I don't care…"

I smiled as the angel in my arms scrunched her facial features in irritancy. She was obviously not getting her own way in the land of dreaming. I almost felt sorry for whoever she was arguing with in her head. Whoever it was didn't stand a chance against the mighty stubbornness of Bella Swan.

"Mmm… Yes… Ohhh…"

I stiffened almost immediately as the first moan rolled from her sweet lips. I stared, awestruck, as her back arched against my arms, her head rolling over the edge in ecstasy.

She was dreaming alright, she was dreaming something truly wonderful.

I held her tighter towards me as I was overcome with her own feelings of lust. She was drowning in it, wading roughly through a dense fog of desire… and she was taking me with her.

I dug my fingernails into the worn leather of the couch and groaned loudly as the scent of Bella's arousal reached my nose. How vivid was this dream!? Was it picture perfect quality? Surround sound?

She stilled suddenly in my lap, rendered immobile as if someone had struck her upside the head. A whole minute passed before she moved again, and I breathed in relief when she did, her body melting into my arms and her limbs loosening as she collapsed against me.

What the hell was she dreaming about?

"…Jasper."

I stared dumbstruck at her; Eyes wide and mouth gaped as I took in the goddess before me.

She was dreaming of me. She was dreaming of me with desire, want and lust in her heart.

I was taking her towards the bedroom then, before another thought could enter my mind. She stirred momentarily in my arms but she didn't wake, didn't rouse. All I could think of was her, her and her fantasies. Were they like mine? Did she lust after me the way I did her?

I climbed the stairs two by two, and all but burst through the door when I finally reached her bedroom.

It was odd, really. Her bedroom seemed so much different from this side of the window. So much more… _human_.

Human.

…Of course it looked human. She **was** human. But I didn't want to face that.

I sighed roughly and loosened my strong hold around her waist, staring down at the now peaceful angel in my arms.

I could never be with her in the ways she dreamed. In the ways **I** truly wanted…

Not while she was human.

I wanted to touch her body, feel it moving beneath me as I made love to her. I knew how to please a woman, but this would be different. I could make her feel loved and cherished. Make her feel precious and valuable; worthy of a love beyond the children of Forks High, Washington.

…But then there were the more animalistic urges. The desire to take her wildly. To make her scream my name in ecstasy as I became one with her in every possible way. I wanted to lie between her legs and never leave. Always holding her. Feeling her.

I held back the sob that formed in my throat. It was as if I was suddenly being pummelled by a string of irrational emotions- The emotions that I had been unwilling to face. Regret, helplessness, want, need, desire, anger…

…It all equalled up to love.

I loved her. Loved her with my entire being.

How could I not be with her like that? How could I sit by and watch her become attracted to others, fulfilling her needs while I sat back helpless to aid her?

I moved over towards the small, purple comforter and laid her silent form on the top of the mattress, allowing my hand to linger over the parts of her body that I most wished to touch. I could feel the heat emanating from the very fibres of her skin and I breathed in the heady scent of her arousal, revelling in the hope that I was the catalyst for it's presence.

I watched with private glee as she rolled onto her back, hitching the hem of her shirt against her waist and giving me a mouth watering view of her perfect, alabaster skin.

She was too perfect. Too irresistible.

I leant down across her body, placing my hands either side of her head as I stared down at the twitching body beneath me. Just because I wasn't allowed to touch, didn't mean that I couldn't appreciate the specimen. The aphrodisiac. _My_ aphrodisiac.

She shuffled again, this time moving her head roughly on the pillow as her plump lips pouted slightly in displeasure.

God, she was amazing.

I leant forward carefully then, letting my blond locks stray across her forehead as I placed one gentle kiss across the lips that taunted me so.

As soon as I pressed my cold stone mouth against her soft warm one, her entire body seemed to freeze up and I feared for a minute that I had somehow crushed her. But then I felt the skin between my lips move in response and I groaned allowed as her hands snaked across my taut back, winding themselves into my hair and tugging slightly at the roots.

Her eyes opened briefly, staring me somewhat bewilderedly in the eyes, before they were weighed down again by desire.

The majority of my brain -the wise, erudite, hundred plus vampire aspect of my mind- knew that this was wrong. It understood that I had been battling with my own desires not even one minute earlier. But the randy, young, inexperienced boy in love dismissed the logic without another thought; running his hands across the body of the woman he loved and tumbling them with some force so that Bella was perched across his lap.

"Jasper… I'm sorry… I don't know what I'm doing," Bella gasped between kisses, grinding her pelvis across my incredibly noticeable erection.

What did she mean she didn't know what she was doing? She was kissing me, she was encouraging me to perform all those desires that she had dreamt of in her mind.

My hands trailed down the front of her blouse and I all but ripped the shirt from her body, as I gasped in awe at the skin beneath the fabric. It was pale, translucent… perfect.

I spun us once more so that she was pinned beneath me as her hands worked reverently at my shirt, ripping the buttons open and sliding her searing hands across my chest before pushing the shirt down my shoulders.

I released my attack on her mouth and stared into the eyes that had become almost black with desire. She smiled longingly at me and I could literally see the lust and want that lay inside her eyes' deep, dark pools.

She wanted this. In the same way that I did. It was clear, her eyes reflected the exact same lust that I was sure was in my own.

…My lust.

…**My** lust?

I shuddered back from her then, sitting at the opposite end of the bed and throwing my head into my hands.

"_Jasper… I'm sorry… I don't know what I'm doing."_

Of course she didn't know what she was doing. Because it wasn't her doing. It was _my_ doing. _My_ lust.

In that moment I had never truly hated myself more. I hated who I was, what I did, what I was capable of and what I inadvertently did to others…

…I made them feel. I made them feel what ever **I** was feeling.

I was a sick freak who was tormenting the only woman I'd ever loved into doing an act that she wasn't even sure she wanted.

I was aware that Bella was next to me now, but it didn't matter. How could I ever be with her now? How would I ever know that what she was feeling was genuine, and not just a reflection from my own twisted 'gift.'

Gift? It wasn't a gift, it was a curse.

"Jasper, I'm sorry. I've never been like that, ever. I don't know what came over me."

I lifted my head from my hands and looked into the face of the tortured angel beside me. Now she felt guilty? Responsible for something that wasn't even her fault?

She pushed a hand through my hair, but I shuddered from her touch, jumping towards the other end of her room.

She stared suddenly fearfully at me, looking around the room as if she couldn't have followed the swiftness of my movement. Of course she couldn't. She was human. Her foolish eyes could only take in what her mind would believe.

"Jasper, what's wrong?"

I stared silently at her, inspecting a growing bruise on her lips and waist.

What a sick fuck I was.

So caught up in my own desire, that I didn't even realize that I was bruising the body beneath me.

"Your rules… I said no… This wouldn't be easy… You said let it be…"

I was murmuring indistinctively playing back the afternoons events in my mind. She wanted to ignore it. I warned her, but she wouldn't listen. It was her fault. Her fault that I had lost control.

"Jasper," She said hesitantly, drawing my attention to her approaching form. "You're scaring me. Sit down, please."

I laughed loudly, shaking the glass frame of her window with the ferocity of the tone.

"You're scared now?" I asked heatedly, sweeping to stand before her. "You should be scared. I told you, didn't I? I told you that this would be hard, but you wouldn't listen, would you?"

Her brown eyes clouded with fear and I moved swiftly behind her, causing her to scream and back away from me, her eyes darting quickly around the room.

"I wanted you Bella, but you'll never want me in the way I need."

"Jasper, enough," she interjected, trying to get closer to me. "Act sane, please. You're not even acting human!"

I laughed again, grabbing her roughly at the shoulders. She winced and tried to push me back, her bra-clad breasts heaving in exertion.

"…If only I were."

And then I pushed her against the bed and leapt from her window.

Running.

And I kept running…

**Hmm…**

**X o x o x o x o x o x o x o X**


	12. Misery

**Sorry, I know. But I had to make an unexpected trip to Melbourne this week and I only just got back- Hence the reason why I haven't replied to any of your reviews either. I appreciated them all, so thank you so much! I'm afraid this is the last update I will get out before I leave for my holiday. Unless I try to update while I'm away…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

Chapter 12: Misery

Everything was dark now; shadowy, gloomy, black… silent. My feet moved mechanically in front of one another as my eyes sought out what they could not see clearly. Shady silhouettes appeared in the peripheral of my vision but there was no way to make out whether they were shadows of the forest or those within my mind.

I was alone…

…again.

Her face flashed through my thoughts every time my eyes wavered shut, so I fought to keep them open; rejecting the pictures of her tortured expression, her fearful eyes. It was a fear that I had inflicted upon her, a fear brought about by my true face- the face of a murderer.

A brilliant streak of lightening ripped across the darkened sky, momentarily brightening my dark existence and revealing to me precisely where I had wandered to. I had run for so long now that I hadn't realized that I'd reached the outer limits of Forks, bordering on the edge of Port Angeles. Dim lights from the nearby shops peaked through the dense leaves of the forest, lighting up the streets like tiny candles struggling to burn in the ferocity of the encroaching storm.

Why did I wander here? Why to this tiny tourist town?

I moved slowly now, wary of any human idiotic enough to be out in the storm. I didn't know how I would react to a human scent here, hanging delectably in the air while I was so melancholy. Would I take them? Relish in the momentary relief and invigoration of a human's blood?

It was not only my own misery that I was battling anymore, but the monster's too. What it desired more than anything was to gain Bella as a mate, to finally find another creature that shared the thoughts and feelings that it did.

But I had taken away its chance… its chance, _my_ chance. She was no longer mine. No longer mine to touch and hold as she had been mere hours ago. I was now, once more, a recluse, a loner… a complete and utter idiot.

I stepped through the leafy barrier separating myself from the town and inched forward from within the trees with bated breath, watching for the most microscopic movement.

The boats within the harbor thrashed violently on the moors, fighting viciously against the rough blows of wind and rain. The masts of at least four boats seemed only inches away from snapping clear off the yachts.

What a storm I stood within. A storm around my body and a storm within my mind.

It seemed impossible that I had stood within my own state of rapture exactly forty six minutes earlier. How had heaven turned to hell so quickly?

_You tend to cause such affects quite frequently,_ my thoughts reminded me softly, a misdirected touch of sympathy coloring the tone.

I didn't deserve such sympathy, not when I had so callously been the cause of my own misery;

Bella, Alice, Carlisle, Esme, even myself- I had disappointed them all.

All of my wallowing and self pity had left me soaked to the bone, standing motionless as the rain continued to pelt my face and clothes. I peeled the fabric from my upper body and threw it into the forest, striding down the soggy hillside and further into the town.

As I walked by, I noticed that most of the shops had barricaded their windows and doors with large slabs of wood, trying in vain to keep the storm from breeching the sources of their income. However, several shopkeepers either didn't feel that wood was necessary, or they were simply to lazy to fortify their own shops, for many were left unguarded against the wind and rain and had broken through to reveal the contents of what was inside.

I stood against one window in particular and shuddered at my reflection. Why could I never appear human? Why did I always have to look so… attractive? I noted the air of conceit in my own thoughts but I couldn't help but form the opinion that I was -and always would be- inviting, striking, attractive.

With my shirt no longer in place to hinder the rain, large drops of water ran across my bare chest; sinking over my abdomen and running over my noticeable hipbones, until disappearing beneath the denim of my jeans.

It was ridiculous! I was a walking, talking Calvin Klein ad campaign. I threw my fists at the only window that was possibly unbroken, shattering the fragile glass and eliminating the reflection that I didn't want to have to face.

But there it was again, on the other side of the street. My body, my face, my eyes as black as pitch…

…I could never escape myself.

Though I knew this thought to be fact, it didn't prevent me from running wildly to the opposite end of the street, smashing each and every window into a fine, powdery dust. My fists hurdled angrily at every reflection, scattering the glass but never puncturing my own impermeable flesh.

Sated, I stood from my crouched position and gazed upon the chaos that I had created. It was minor, really, in comparison to what the storm had already done. I knew that nobody would suspect otherwise when they woke to find they're beloved shops shattered.

_A small price to pay_, I thought selfishly, _A small price so that I do not have to gaze upon myself._

Nobody in, or around, Forks used security cameras- The case of finding someone who did was always rare and far between. And if, by chance, my actions were caught on film, what would anyone see but a mad dash within the storm? Acting mad for actions that no one could for see, acting mad… for _her._

I turned against the door of one particular shop and slouched against the wood, sliding down the wet and landing with a soft thump on the cement.

How could I have ever thought she'd feel the way that I did? How could I have thought that I had possibly found another that loved me in the way that I so desperately craved?

She was nothing but a mirror- reflecting whatever the hell I saw within myself.

But even as I tried to convince myself of this, my thoughts strayed to the memory of her kiss. The tender touch that turned ravish as I held her in my arms.

A quiet sob slipped from my lips and I threw my head against the door, banging my skull repeatedly until it tore through the wood. With a disgruntled sigh, I pulled my head back through the door and threw it open, stepping into what I realized was a music store.

A feeling of guilt slipped through me like icy water running down my spine. I had always respected music, loved the way it made one feel. And now I had ruined the home of some of the greatest tunes ever created.

I wandered over towards a large collection of records labeled 'JAZZ' and rifled through the names, smiling as the albums brought a different memory to mind.

Sarah Vaughan, Charles Mingus, Bill Evans, Miles Davis, Jimmy Smith, Clifford Brown, Max Roach, Lee Morgan, Joe Henderson, Elvin Jones, McCoy Tyner , Art Blakey, Pharoah Sanders, Eric Dolphy… _John Coltrane._

My favorite artist. Favored not only for his impressive skills and talent, but for the most recent and painful memory that it brought to mind.

The first time that I truly saw Isabella Swan.

I lightly stroked the weathered skin of the album cover as if I were touching a lover. The wrinkled paper fluttered beneath even the most timid of strokes and I held it closer, inhaling the scent of the past.

I needed to hear the melodious sound of the saxophone, it's soothing tunes and nostalgic sensations.

I found the old turn table almost immediately and slipped the record into place, pushing play and watching as the arm swung into place, lightly touching the vinyl and producing a truly magnificent sound.

Even through the ferocity of the storm around me -both inner and outer- the sounds of John Coltrane comforted me. They brought me back through time and space, to a place where I was still with Bella. A warm, happy place where we were together.

I swayed slightly with the music and stretched my body across the counter top, flicking my foot in time with the beat.

This is where I wanted to be, where I _needed_ to be.

In my mind, with her, always with her.

One particular section of music began to repeat slightly, stuck on the chord of a tuba. I stretched up and lifted the arm from the vinyl record, silencing the unnecessary repetition and lying back down on my arms.

It wasn't so much that I was irritated with the music itself, but with what it represented. I could dream all I wanted, but it wouldn't change my situation, only I had the power to do that.

I sat bolt right and jumped from the surface as if electrocuted.

What the hell was I doing?

Jasper Whitlock was not a moper, he was a man of action! I could whine and whinge all I wanted but it wouldn't change anything- **I** had to change it.

If I wanted Bella I had to do something about it, dammit! What did I expect to happen while I lay here, moping and clutching onto a record as if it were the woman I loved?

I threw myself from the shop with such speed then, that I was certain, if someone were to stumble past, my presence would go unnoticed. I ran through the forest with a vigorous ambition now; I would get her back. I would do what ever needed to be done to make her mine…

* * *

The tiny A-Frame house came into sight once more and I relished in the scent of my beloved. I had no idea what I was doing, what I would say or how I would explain myself- but I felt strong, renewed, revitalized.

The large tree that had fallen out the front acted as prefect leverage for me to hoist myself up to Bella's window, swinging lively over the branches and grabbing the wooden window sill with a deafening crack.

I pulled the window open as quietly as possible and slipped through the entrance silently, shaking the water from my hair to her timber floors.

Her scent was stronger here and I exhaled in private glee at the torture that did not reach me.

Even through the dark I could see the large mass of blankets that covered Bella's body. I wondered how quickly she'd gotten to sleep? Whether she'd dropped from exhaustion or perhaps suspected that I were a dream?

I slipped over quietly towards her bed and laid a timid hand upon her form, only to find that there was no form whatsoever.

My hand sunk further into the mass of linen until it reached a springy mattress, confirming my suspicion that Bella was not, in fact, here.

Sudden fear paralyzed me as I raced from her bedroom to the bathroom, frantically checking through the house for my treasured being. I searched frenetically through the house to no avail, slumping against the recently occupied leather couch and throwing my head into my hands.

Why the hell was she not here?

Realization struck me suddenly and the strength that I had felt just moments ago slipped away to be replaced by an eerie sensation of both guilt and overwhelming fear.

She had gone in search of me…

…Gone.

…Into the storm.

**Speak to you in a few weeks after my holiday (maybe sooner!)**

**Merry Christmas!**

**Happy New Year!**

**Be a dear and give me a wonderful Christmas present- A review!**

**X o x o x o x o x o x o X**


	13. Despair

**Hello All!**

**Thank you so much for all of the reviews, I was so happy to recieve them all. I am still on holiday and will not be back for another two weeks, but I felt so bad for not updating, that I found the nearest Internet cafe and typed up this chapter. Be aware that I only had an hour on the computer to write this up, so it may be quite crappy.**

**Also, as my regular reviewers know, I love to reply to all. But, given the circumstances, I simply didn't have time. Replies will resume when I return from my holiday.**

**Happy New Year! Cheers to 2009!**

**Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

Chapter 13: Despair

I stood motionless in the darkness of my beloveds kitchen. A kitchen that, until moments ago, had been like any other.

...Now, it was something else.

Now, it was my prison.

I stared at the ill-offending colors of the place; Harsh yellow, dull greens, the grayish fog of dirty grime smeared across a metallic sink...

...They didn't fit together- they never would.

My hands searched blindly in front of me for what I would not find; her warmth, her breath and fragile embrace.

_She was gone. She had disappeared and it was entirely my fault._

The sharp scraping of wood against glass threw my attention to the kitchen window as the storm blew the branches against the cool, thin barrier.

It seemed then, that my mind was thrown into overload. All the thoughts and fears ran screaming through my head in a deafening screech of fury. I scraped my hands across my face as the pain became too much to bear. There was too much doubt, to much fear to process.

I slumped against the linoleum floor of the kitchen, grabbing the walls wildly for what I knew would be the first step- action, I needed to make a plan.

At last my hand grasped the cool plastic of the phone and I pulled with quiet desperation so that I could reach the dialing pad.

I knew the number well enough, I only prayed that the receiver would be willing to help.

The line connected almost immmediately and I could have screamed with delight as I heard the breathy voice on the other end.

"Jasper?"

I sighed heavily and gave a quiet sob of recognition.

"I just saw it, Jasper, I'm so sorry." There was an uncomfortable pause and I felt my heart give a violent lurch.

Why was Alice sorry?

"What did you see, Alice?"

She paused once more and I almost snapped the phone in two.

"Alice, what the hell did you see?!" I asked with more force, shaking violently with my own emotion.

"...She's out there, Jasper. She's in the storm--"

"I know where she is," I interrupted, anxious to get to the crux of her vision. "But what's happened to her? Tell me what to do!"

I heard Edward's exasperated sigh in the background, followed by a quiet mumble laced in sorrow and anguish.

_"Just tell him, Alice. He has a right to know..."_

My chin began to quiver slightly as I heard Alice's exhale of agreement.

"Jasper, you can't blame yourself... She shouldn't have been out in this, but she tried to follow you and she.."

She paused once more and the pain that consumed me was like nothing I had ever felt before. It ran furiously through my veins and spread a poisonous hatred throughout my body.

"She fell into the Quillayute river and then... the vision ends."

I crushed the phone into a powdery pulp and was running then without another thought. My limbs screamed in protest as I tore angrily through the forest but I forced them to continue, moving at a unnatural pace to reach a ticking time bomb.

_I still have time. I still have time. I still have time_.

But even as I was thinking it, the doubtful half of my mind was rejecting it.

_The Quillayute river gets incredibly rapid during storms. It's over, it's finished._

I screamed so loudly that several birds flew fearfully from the source of the sound.

She would not die- She **couldn't**.

The slush and wash of the river reached my ears and I forced my limbs to tear faster; Searching, seeking, claiming.

The Quillayute river ran the border of the invisible barrier between wolf and vampire- but it didn't matter. I would gladly break the treaty to save the one I loved. To save her life, and therefore, save my own. It didn't matter that I risked my exposure, It didn't matter that I might destroy myself, all that mattered was that I found her.

I breathed a heady gust of air in and noticed that her scent was stronger here. It ran hotly through my veins, but I was unsure whether to take this new evidence as positive or negative.

Was it fresh because she was still here, or fresh because of spilt blood?

It was then that I felt the very core of my existence shatter...

...There she was. Face down. Floating through the river.

If I had thought that I had ever felt pain before, I knew now that it had been a small smidgen of how true torture tasted.

I felt paralysed, crippled, empty. And yet, even though I knew my efforts to be futile, I moved mechanically into what felt like a gentle stream and held her fragile body in my arms.

Her warmth had all but disappeared- Faded. Forgotten.

I threw myself against a nearby bank, holding her body tighter to my own.

My beautiful, beautiful Bella. My everything, my existence, the girl that I would gladly die for had died for me.

Her limp body fell gently against mine as I sobbed angrily into her hair.

I had let this happen. I had run from her in a fatal game of hide-and-seek.

...A game that had destroyed more than one life.

An eerie silence settled over me, blocking out every other sound in the world.

The silence smothered me in it's hostility, covering my ears and eyes and mouth. Yet even through my smothering of sound, one minuscule noise reached my ears.

A quiet, indistinct thump reached my ears as I cradeled my head against Bella's cold chest.

I stilled almost immediately and didn't dare to breath, lest I miss that glorious noise once more.

_Thump-Thump._

It was weak and almost entirely gone- But it was there. Struggling against all other odds, a quiet heart-beat rang deafeningly in my ears.

I sat up almost immediately and pressed Bella's body against the damp grass beside the river.

It seemed that even in disastrous circumstances, Isabella Swan was an incredibly stubborn person; Fighting relentlessly against the encroaching shadow of death.

I moved my mouth to her's with such force that I was sure that she would bruise. But for once, I didn't care that I would harm her, I only cared on keeping her alive.

I breathed forcefully and deeply into her mouth, pushing gently against her lungs in an effort not to break her ribs.

Nothing.

I repeated my actions several times over, waiting with bated breath for some movement from her body. One shuffle, some sign that she would recover.

"Dammit Bella, fight!" I screamed, lowering my mouth to hers once again. I released her just as quickly and stared wildly into her empty eyes. "Where is the woman that I love?! Where is her stubbornness? Her unwillingness to lose!?"

I pushed roughly on her chest this time, wanting nothing more than to revive her, wanting nothing more than to see her angry, to see her defend herself.

And then, my ears were gifted with the most beautiful noise in the entire world; gagging, spitting, retching.

She spluttered violently like a fish out of water and rolled onto her stomach, regurgitating every ounce of water swallowed. Her body heaved and shook with exertion, but I had never seen anything so magnificent in the entire world.

"Oh Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella," I repeated, throwing her into my arms and repeating her name as if it were some holy prayer. "My beautiful, stubborn, completely idiotic Bella!"

I didn't care that she may hate me, or the fact that she was barely conscious- I held her head against my own and kissed her as if she were my only source of life.

I didn't know how long had passed -minutes, hours, days, months, years- but at some point, I gently removed myself from her embrace and held her shaking body against my bare skin.

Her head rolled back against my shoulder and she stared inquisitively into my eyes.

"You have a lot to answer for," she coughed quietly, her hardened eyes shining like a bright beacon in a storm.

I laughed loudly and kissed her once more, relishing in the return of my angel.

"Oh Bella," I sighed softly, kissing gentle patterns across her face. "You can have all the answers in the world, but you must promise me one thing."

She seemed to be teetering once more on the brink of consciousness, but she nodded all the same.

"Promise you'll be mine forever?"

She nodded once more and then slipped into unconsciousness.

**I know it's short and very rushed, but I only had an hour! I've got 2 minutes and 18 seconds left to upload!!**

**x o x o x o x o x**


	14. Folk Tales

**Hello all,**

**Happy 2009 (sixteen days later…)! Oh well, I'm back again, so hopefully this chapter will make up for the inconvenience that I'm sure my holiday caused for some of you, lol!**

**Enjoy, it's a long chapter!!**

**Warning: Language and sexual references.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

Chapter 14: Folk Tales

This was a death march. A stroll from the gates of heaven, to those of hell. True, Isabella Swan was alive -Unconscious, yes- but she was still breathing. But what did any of this matter in the face of what I had done, what I was still required to do?

"_You can have all the answers in the world…"_

What the hell was wrong with me?!? How could I have promised her the answer to a question that would inadvertently lead to our relationship's demise? Was I trying to make myself unhappy? Trying to destroy the one good thing that had happened in over ten decades of monotonous living?

The angel in my arms stirred briefly against the onslaught of rain, twitching slightly before resting once more against the planes of my chest. I could have run from the storm, I realized that, but my mind was in overload and every thought was obscured by the vision of my distressed divinity, fleeing from the place which I had willingly admitted was occupied by seven vampires.

I couldn't lose her like that, I **wouldn't**.

_Oh, the woe of love…_

I threw my hand against my head, silencing the unhelpful manner of my own thoughts.

All I needed to do was get her home, get her out of the storm and get her into the warmth of a bath. Step by step, I told myself, just take things step by step.

The large white house loomed into sight on the horizon, throwing the first rays of morning light in a most obscure pattern across the skies. The sight would have been almost beautiful, had it not been for my own internal distraction and the dark storm clouds which continued to hang low over the dismal town of Forks.

We drew closer towards my home and the first thing I noticed was Bella's large red Chevy sitting motionless near the garage, an assortment of tools and trappings littered around its base. I almost laughed at the sheer determination of Emmett when it came to repairing motor vehicles, but I was struck once more with the pang of guilt caused by my betrayal of his trust.

Would he help me now? At the time that I needed his support most, would I find myself rebuffed by his own spurned spirit?

Before I could dabble in my own melancholy thoughts once more, a swift blur of movement bounded towards me, a mixture of fear and relief coloring the emotional ambience.

"It's okay, Alice," I explained, eager to move out of the rain. "I think she might be unconscious, but she's breathing."

She simply stared at me, her mouth gaping and her eyes clouded by confusion.

"How… I don't… How did you…"

I smiled my reassurance to her and moved closer towards the entrance of my home, overjoyed beyond words that Alice held no smidgen of disappointment or resentment over Bella's escape from death.

"Oh thank god!"

I looked up to see Esme standing aghast at the front door, holding open her arms as if to take Bella into her own grasp.

I hesitated at the periphery of my home, unsure of how to handle this new change in atmosphere. Were they accepting Bella now? Accepting what I now felt and what we were destined to become?

"Please, Jasper, I'll take her to Carlisle.."

I stared silently into the face of my mother figure and cautiously -but reluctantly- slipped Bella's fragile form into her embrace.

She was gone then without another sound, slipping wordlessly up the stairs and heading to where I could only imagine to be her and Carlisle's bedroom.

Now what? Did I delay the inevitable for as long as possible? Perhaps I could pretend that anything Bella had thought unusual was all a dream, all part of the symptoms of her own comatose mind.

_A brilliant way to enter a new relationship_, my mind added sarcastically. _I think any girl would just love to enter into a commitment with a man who was willingly lying to her every day they were together._

I groaned aloud and threw my hand against the wall, unintentionally breaking through the jip-rock foundation and covering the floor in a powdery dust.

_Good job…_

"She'll be okay, Jasper."

I spun quickly to the surprisingly low timbre of the voice and found Emmett leaning solemnly against the hall, his face and mood severely crestfallen.

"What if she's not Emmett? Huh? What if she's so fucked up after all of this that she never wants to see me again?"

He remained silent, willing my rant to continue.

"Or better yet," I rambled, my voice raising an octave, "what if she's fine with me now and then runs for the hills when she finds out _how_ it exactly is that I saved her, what I did-- What I am!"

Emmett simply stared at me, an irritatingly understandable expression contorting his features. I had no right to take out my issues on Emmett, I knew this fact with perfect clarity. But rambling all my fears and angers out loud helped me to sort them out, helped me to distinguish what was rational and was not.

"Look, Emmett…" I sighed softly, talking a step closer to him. "I'm really sorry man, about everything that I've done to you and everything that I'm sure I'm going to do to you in the future…"

His lips twitched briefly as if he was going to smile.

"…I just can't get my head around this shit at the moment. I don't get it. I don't get how you do this, how you work out relationships. How do you ever know if the decisions you are making are right or whether they're just going to mess things up more? I know these are my issues and I know I have no right to ask for help from you -given everything that I've done. But if there's anything you can say, anything you can give me that will help me sort all this out, I will be in your debt for eternity."

His face broke out into a grin this time and he moved towards me, swinging an arm over my shoulder.

"You are so not getting out of it that easily," he threatened, though I could hear the underlining acceptance in his tone. "What if I don't want you in my debt, huh? What if I just want you to be my minion, my slave that goes forth and does my bidding?"

I didn't explain to him that to do those things, he **would** require me to be in his debt, but instead laughed along with his jibes, was awed by the knowledge that he had somehow resurrected Bella's cripple of a car, and attempted to make all the mental notes possible while he explained to me the dynamics of his relationship with Rosalie.

Hours could have passed while I waited for Esme to return downstairs, perhaps even weeks had passed since I'd last seen her. But at some point during mine and Emmett's discussion, Carlisle glided down the stairs with a heavily resolute state of mind and beckoned for me to join him.

I gave a quick thank you to Emmett, not wishing to disturb our recently rekindled friendship, and then jumped quickly from my position on the floor to join Carlisle at the foot of the stairs.

"She's awake, Jasper."

My eyes shot instinctively to the stairs, as if expecting to see her waltzing down the marble at an moment.

"She is still in our room, I think you need to speak to her," he explained, his eyes glittering with the words he would not pass.

"What… what can I say to her?"

My mind was at a complete loss. The storm outside had slowly begun to cease and yet my internal battle had only just began. A tiny slip of sunlight flitted through the window on the top floor, illuminating the dust particles in the air and laying gracefully across the skin of my exposed chest.

"How can I possibly explain this?" I asked hopelessly, directing Carlisle's attention to the sudden glitter and shine of my diamond skin. "How do I explain what we are? There's no way I can let it go now, I'm in far too deep. She saw me, Carlisle! She saw me jump from her window into a raging storm and survive! How can I possibly--"

"Do you love her?" He asked slowly, ceasing my pointless rant.

"I… What, I don't, Carlisle… I mean--"

"Do. You. Love. Her?" He repeated once more, splitting each single word into an individual sentence.

I stared from my own abnormal appearance into the understanding eyes of my father and breathed out a sigh of utter renouncement.

"Yes."

"Then tell her, Jasper. If you love her, she needs to know what you are, what we all are."

"But what if--"

"If she does not reciprocate your feelings," he explained, answering the unspoken question. "Then I'm afraid we have to leave. Leave Forks, leave Washington… Leave Isabella Swan."

That thought alone cut through my heart like a ragged knife. It would be more than being simply spurned by your lover, it would mean having to move states, possibly countries, from the person you loved.

I was suddenly gripped by a fear that I had never experienced in my life. Fear for not only Bella, but for myself. Because I knew I would not survive without her.

"Go, son."

I nodded, unable to articulate my thoughts. I could feel the gut-wrenching fear gripping me like a vice and I moved with deliberate steps, making my way to what I was sure would be the destruction of my heart and soul.

Her scent drifted with such torturous amiability that I felt I might break down and cry right then and there. After today would I never again be tempted by her? Never called to her body by the lust that encased me when in her presence?

I followed the wondrous perfume into Esme and Carlisle's room and knocked so softly at the adjoining bathroom door that one might have suspected I didn't want her to answer.

"Come in."

_Dammit._

I opened the door as slowly as if I were afraid she were sitting directly at the other side. I did not, however, need to worry about her position until I spotted her huddled close with her knees drawn to her chest, the bubbles around her covering the snowy skin that I desired so.

My throat suddenly felt very dry and I attempted to shift my position, lest I reveal how very attracted I was to her at that moment. My eyes dragged across her bare shoulders, admiring the light tones of her skin that were flushed slightly pink with the heat from the bath water. God, how I wanted the bubbles to disappear and reveal to me the body of the goddess beneath. What I wouldn't give to join her in that bath water. To feel her bare, wet skin sliding against my own as I moved roughly within her and--

Her soft laughter drew me out of the dangerous fantasy and I smiled slightly with embarrassment, drawing the chair at the sink closer to me so that I might sit beside her.

"So…" She begun quietly, her own eyes drifting over my bare chest and abdomen.

"Emmett fixed your car!" I said suddenly, so loudly that I made my own chair tumble slightly. "He says it was just a problem with you gear shift or something, I'm sure--"

"Cut the chit-chat, Jasper," she said suddenly, rearranging the bubbles so that they covered her exposed thighs. "You know what I really want to talk about."

I shrugged slightly, averting my eyes from her own.

_Oh yeah, that'll work- Play dumb, I'm sure she won't see through you_…

"What, do you think I'm an idiot, Jasper?"

"No, No, of course not," I retorted, aiming not to displease her more. "I… I just didn't know what in _particular_ you wanted to speak about."

She raised one dark eyebrow slowly in a clear expression which told me she didn't believe me.

"Okay fine," I snapped darkly. "Ask me! Ask me what the hell you want to know!"

The crudeness of my tone caught her and I immediately felt terrible for raising my voice.

"Okay, fine!" She answered a little more strictly. "Let's just start with all the really weird things that happened over the course of the day and night…"

I cringed visibly, knowing exactly what was coming.

"Let's start with when I first met you!" She hissed, her anger getting steadier. "You turn up from no where and offer me a helping hand- fair enough, but your hand is strangely freezing cold. So I think, 'okay, that's fine, it's cold today,' only it doesn't get better! When you help me again in gym, your entire body is the same freezing temperature as your freakin' hand. I'm grateful for the help, so I don't mention it, 'Just the weather,' I keep telling myself, 'maybe this is what people feel like in Forks.'"

I smirked softly despite the gravity of the situation and she seethed quietly, continuing her discussion.

"Fast forward to my house," she said angrily, clearly upset with the lack of response. "I offer you food, you refuse. Okay, fine, maybe you'd had a big breakfast, but come dinner time you don't eat again and unless you anorexic -which I severely doubt-" She said slowly, admiring my taunt chest once more. "It's kind of odd. Fast forward once more to the lounge room, we kiss, that's human enough.."

She began to blush quite severely and I found myself suddenly pleased that she appeared to have enjoyed it too.

"And then we whittle away the afternoon talking about the past and old schools, which you seem quite hesitant about. As if you're trying to work your own past at the same time and you're hesitant to share it. Moving on, Charlie calls to warn me about the storm and then I discuss the conversation with you afterwards and you respond as if you heard Charlie on the other end- As if you have the hearing of a dog! I fall asleep during the storm, have an… interesting dream--" She blushed once more "--and next thing I know your kissing me. But it's something else, it's completely overcome by lust and I can't help but kiss you back. Like something is pushing all rational thought from my mind and forcing me to focus on how good it feels to have your hands on me."

I let out an audible sob when she said this and a sudden silence gripped the air as Bella reached a tentative hand out of the bath water and grabbed my own. She squeezed it softly and brushed her thumb over my hand as she had done when we first met. She had no idea how much I regretted the moment of which she had just spoken. No idea of how close I had come to… raping her. There was no other word for it.

"You okay?" She asked quietly, the anger and irritation all but gone from her voice.

I shook my head slowly, "I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm so, deeply sorry for that.."

"No, don't," she said quietly, beckoning me closer to her. "We both did that.."

I laughed humorlessly and moved towards the edge of the bath, overcome by my own remorse.

"You have no idea what I did to you, Bella. What I almost…"

I trailed off quietly, staring into the mirror on the adjacent wall.

"I want to know," she continued quietly. "I want to know what's going on, okay? The warnings, the '_this thing we have won't be easy, I'm dangerous'_--" I laughed softly at her poor imitation of my own voice. "--I need to know it all. Why did you freak out in my room? How the hell did you jump from a two storey window and run into a storm that by all accounts should have killed you?"

This was it. The moment when it would all fall to pieces. And there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it.

"Do you remember what I asked you? In the river, before you passed out?"

She blushed shyly and nodded softly, refusing to meet my eyes. "I told you I'd be yours for eternity.."

"Kind of corny, I know," I said slowly, sensing her embarrassment.

"No, god no!" She said suddenly, almost standing upright in the bath. "I thought it was beautiful…"

_This is going to hurt._

I smiled softly at her, then said "well, feel free to back out of that deal once this conversation is over."

She sat upright in the bath, staring my inquisitively in the eyes.

"You're going to tell me everything?"

I nodded.

"Okay, turn around," She said quietly. "If we're doing this, I kind of don't want to be naked."

I understood immediately and tried all to hastily to give her space, resulting in both me and the chair being sprawled across the floor.

I could hear all too clearly the sound of her body moving as she slipped some of Alice's clothes on. The skim of underwear across bare thighs, the fastening of a bra clip, the fly being pulled up, shirts thrown over exposed shoulders and breasts--

"Okay, spill."

We walked silently outside until we were by the lake, none of us having uttered a word since the bathroom.

I stared across the wide expanse of the lake, wondering how best to divulge this.

"Have you ever heard the legends of the Quileute? Or any of the history of Forks?" I began conversationally, sitting down on the wet grass beneath a large Fern tree.

She clearly didn't understand where this was going but she shook her head silently, sitting down beside me.

"I have. They say that the Quileute descended from wolves and they've been living off the land for years, protecting the town and it's inhabitants."

"Okay," Bella said slowly, resting her head on her hand. "Protecting the town from what exactly??"

_Here it goes._

I turned and faced her straight in the eye.

"From us."

She took a sharp intake of breath, but otherwise remained silent, pleading me to continue.

"You want to know everything, Bella? Then why don't we start from the beginning, from the beginning of the Cullens."

Her eyes had widened quite significantly with interest, but she remained as still and quiet as an inanimate object.

"Carlisle, Esme, Edward, Emmett and Rose first came to Forks in the summer of 1936." I didn't dare look her in the eyes, for I knew that if I did my voice would break, the words left unspoken. "There were limited places where our kind could exist in the ways that Carlisle wished, we didn't exactly have a wide array of real estate to choose from." I heard her swallow softly, and her heart beat steadily growing higher.

"I wasn't with them at the time, I lived a much… different life before I met Carlisle and the others. But I've heard the story enough times to give an accurate account of what happened. I believe the Quileute tribe leader found my family on their land while they were… _eating_ and, having dealt with our kind before, would have killed my family had it not been for Carlisle's ability to deal rationally and calmly with the tribe. They made a sort of agreement, or treaty if you will, regarding the land and the people. Carlisle and his family were permitted to stay in Forks if they kept far from La Push and the tribe. There were other clauses in the deal, but I won't bore you with them right now, what I'm trying to explain with this story is the relationship that has existed between the two 'families' for so many years--"

"How old were they?" Bella asked quickly, a light sheen of sweat having covered her face. "Your family, I mean. How old were they when they first came to Forks?"

She was not meeting my eye, but staring just over my shoulder, her pupils having dilated with fear and confusion.

"Physically… They appeared then, as they do to you today."

Her chin quivered slightly and she turned to look me in the eye.

"…You're immortal," she whispered faintly.

I nodded once, though the absence of an inflection at the end of the statement told me that she was not asking a question.

"Why?" She demanded quickly, wiping the sweat from her forehead with her palm. "What are you?"

"Traditionally?" I was stalling, "We are the enemy of the wolf?"

She stared past my shoulder once more, her brow furrowing in concentration. "A wolves only predators are man and beast."

"Perhaps I should have been more specific," I whispered, yearning for her to look me once more in the eyes. "We are the enemy of the _were_wolf."

She sighed quite loudly and pulled a hand through her hair. "So we've entered a mythical territory…"

"Did you ever think we were talking about humans? About a mortal coil?"

"I don't know," she whispered hopelessly, "I guess not."

A single tear rolled across her cheek and I instinctively pulled her closer towards me, unsure of whether she would push me away.

"You're right, this isn't easy," she said quietly. "Just tell me, Jasper. I can't do this, I can't wait in this limbo of not knowing. What is the enemy of the wolf, what are you? You said you that the tribe caught Carlisle eating, but I thought you didn't eat."

"Well, I suppose if you want to be technical, no, we don't _eat_," I mumbled, now trying to distance myself. "We feed, we… _drink_." She looked at me eye to eye and I suddenly felt very naked, exposed. "We drink from life's most fundamental source…"

She simply stared aghast at me.

"Blood," I finished lamely, watching as a sweat bead rolled delicately across her hair line and down her pale cheek- the skin now almost as white as cloud.

Her body began to shake visibly as her lips tried to form the name of which she now understood.

"Vampire."

It was spoken as a whisper of realization. Rasped out like the final breath before darkness, before that final resting place.

I caught her eye once more and she immediately looked away, staring blankly across the lake.

"Yes… and that's the truth."

"What blood?" She said quickly, "what source?"

"Animals… mostly."

I knew that final word was my downfall when more silent tears began to fall across her pallid face.

"Mostly?" She squeaked quietly, while her body instinctively drew away from me.

"We slip up, not often, but it's happened." She looked like I struck her upside the head. "Trust me, Bella, no one hates me more than I hate myself in those moments, but it's difficult, when we're hunting, or when someone cuts themselves.."

I let the sentence hang there, not daring to finish the words myself.

"Then why… why do you.. I mean, why are you here? With me, now? Is it not difficult this very moment as you speak to me?"

"You're different," I said quickly, aiming to reassure her. "Think of it as if my personality is split into two. One side is Jasper, me, the man you're sitting with right now, the other… he's more primitive, he's the half of me that thirsts, that feeds, that makes the decisions when it comes to life and death. But let's just say that when it comes to you, both personalities share the same view point.. So it's easy, being here I mean, there's no danger with you."

"Okay."

"Okay what?" I asked, my spirits rising slightly.

"Okay, I have to go," she finished softly, picking herself up from me and wandering silently away from the Fern tree.

I could feel my heart splintering, the very essence of my soul being ripped into tiny pieces. This was it. The end. The end of Forks, the end of me, the end of _us_.

"Bella, please," I shouted suddenly, running to her retreating form. "Please, no one can know anything, not that they'd believe you, but promise me something. If you're never going to see me again, then promise never to mention me again. We'll disappear, all of us, we'll go away, make a new life…"

When she got to the red Chevy she turned on the spot suddenly to face me.

"I don't want you to go, Jasper. I just need space, and time, please, just give me that. A few days is all I need, and no, I will not be speaking to anyone about this unless I want to be shipped to the nearest mental asylum as quickly as possible." She breathed deeply and then swore under her breath. "I don't know what I expected when I asked you to explain everything, I just…"

She looked up at the large Victorian house and then back at my face again.

"Just give me time…"

I nodded rapidly, though the fear and sting of rejection was thick and heavy around my aura.

She walked over to the front of her truck and hoisted the hood open, reaching almost her entire body into the car for a full minute before it roared to life under her hot-wired hands.

She closed the hood and moved again to the driver's door, pulling it open with some force.

"I love you, Bella," I said suddenly, overcome with the fear that this would be our final moment. "I know I have no right to say it, but I do, I love you."

She looked almost as if she were going to speak, but instead nodded silently, slipped into her car door and slipped from my life… Perhaps forever.

**So, this was pretty darn hard to write. I hope it didn't turn out rushed or sort of unrealistic, but if it did, you get the basic idea of what went down anyway!**

**Plus, you got the whole extra long chapter so be grateful haha! **

**Reviews = Motivation**

**And review replies commence as of this chapter, sorry to previous chapter reviewers!!**

**X o x o x o x o x o X**


	15. Words of Wisdom

**A/N: Somewhat earlier than usual…**

**For the life of me, I cannot recall Stephenie Meyer's take on the whole "Vampire/Alcohol" thing. So for the sake of this chapter, let's just say that alcohol _does_**** have an affect on a Vampire- They just have to drink more to be influenced.**

**Warnings: Language and Adult themes of masturbation. If this makes you uncomfortable, I'm asking you NOW to stop reading. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

Chapter 15: Words of Wisdom

* * *

"_If we deny love that is given to us, if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss, then our lives will be empty, our loss greater."_

* * *

Herbie John, Javan, Brandan Behan, Jason Jordan and James Barrie…

These people knew their shit. They understood. They knew exactly what the spurn of rejection felt like. The constant ache, the sting, the burn. The sensation that every single nerve and cell in your body was disintegrating in a slow, but torturous, throb of agony.

…God, I was pitiful.

I took the cold, hard texture of the bottle-lip to my mouth once more, downing the cool sting of the liquid rapidly and laughing softly to myself.

The human remedy to heartache- liquor. Pure genius.

It had been precisely one-hundred and six hours, forty three minutes and twenty three seconds since I had last seen Isabella Swan.

Twenty four seconds, twenty five seconds, twenty six seconds…

And for the past forty-plus hours of that time, I had sought comfort with the company of a whole assortment of fresh friends. Friends who knew exactly how to numb the pain of my bleeding heart-

Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, Peter Smirnoff, Arthur Guinness… My good, _good_ friends.

I clutched the bottles closer to my sprawled out form, rolling the smooth glass over my bed spread to discern which liquid I would consume next.

You had to hand it to these humans, when it came to depression, they new the perfect remedies to counterbalance emotion.

_It's the __**expression**__ of emotion that they struggle with_, I thought spitefully, mentally admonishing one Bella Swan for such an act.

She had left me. Ripping my cold heart from my stone flesh, she had stolen the last precious thing I had to offer and left me bleeding, hurt and hollow. Nonetheless, I had returned to school that morning, refusing to let the pain of my soul mutate my erroneous exterior. _Who knows?_ I had thought so carelessly, allowing a tiny glimmer of hope to cloud my reason. _Maybe she really does need time. Maybe she'll come around and we can finally be together again…_

But hope is nothing but a bitter man's illusion that sets him up for heartache once again.

She had **not** shown herself that morning as I waited with bated breath for the familiar drone of her decrepit engine. She had not shown herself in Gym, or Biology, or even -as I clutched to the idea hopelessly- in the cafeteria for Lunch. Nor had she graced Forks High with her presence for the next two consecutive days. And I, filled with a sudden spite and rancor, followed her example and ditched that hallowed, drizzly Friday; Fleeing to the local liquor store and charming the attractive counter-clerk into an afternoon of hard-on's and hard booze.

Tracey, or Tiffany perhaps, had been her name. She had been wanton and willing. But though the temptation had been ripe, I had cradled the booze to my chest like a newborn, and run from her all-too-agreeable presence to the comfort of my own room and territory.

Edward, in an almost un-heard of act of generosity, had allowed me access to his library of original, first-edition books, and I had spent the night consuming an ungodly amount of alcohol, whilst sobbing over stories such as _Orpheus and Eurydice_ and _Jane Eyre_.

Saturday had passed in much the same fashion, interrupted only occasionally by the visits from members of my family, offering me words of courage and pity. Alice had joined me on Sunday morning, sitting at the edge of my bed post and attempting to console me with her own words of wisdom in the matter of love.

"True love does not come by finding the perfect person--," she had whispered to me slowly, attempting to seize the alcohol from my grasp. "--But by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."

I had dismissed her quickly then, before seizing the nearest full bottle of whiskey and consuming the contents almost entirely.

**I** was imperfect. Damaged goods. Flawed. Defective. Inhuman. It was no wonder that Bella had run from my presence the minute I had enlightened her to such a sordid secret. Who would want to be with one whose past was drenched in the blood of others?

So now, thirteen hours after I had dismissed my final companion, I sat numbly at the edge of my bed, watching as the final flickers of sunlight faded away beneath the horizon.

"Another end to a spectacular day," I whispered solemnly, my hands searching blindly for more liquid antidote. Upon finding none, I reluctantly peeled my body from my bed and stumbled from the confinements of my room in search of more.

The house was dark and faint whispers of concern from my family reached my ears. Though somewhat touching, the constant murmurs and careful trepidation of my family began to grow weary. I had hard enough time dealing with my own emotions, let alone those of my siblings and parents.

My hands found the smooth marble surface of the stair case easily, and -in a sudden burst of recklessness- I swung my leg over the banister and slipped down the surface with glee, laughing my short-lived mirth exceedingly loud.

"Son," Carlisle greeted me, holding my shoulder steady while I swayed slowly at the foot of the stairs. "You look…"

I stared blankly into his eyes, smiling softly at the hard, penetrating stare that I found.

"…like absolute shit," he finished suddenly, dragging me over to the lounge room.

"Yay, intervention!" I cried sarcastically, swinging onto the chaise lounge and mounting it like a horse. "You know guys, we're really making this thing a weekly habit."

Rosalie scowled slightly in the corner of the room, her arms draped somewhat protectively over Emmett.

"So," I smiled brightly, slapping the space on the couch behind me, "Who's gonna ride my horse now that Bella's out of the picture??"

Edward grimaced at my distaste and leaned resolutely against the entrance, staring at me with a fixed expression as he no-doubt rifled through my thoughts.

"The alcohol has completely played with his mind. It's forced him into a false euphoric state," he stated evenly, speaking to the others as if I weren't there.

Emmett gave a quick, humorless laugh and wrapped an arm around Rosalie's waist. "Did you see the amount of booze he bought on Friday? It was probably more than a human drinks in a year- Of course he's happy and horny!"

Rosalie's face broke into a small smile, but she reverted to a scowl once more when I gave her my thumbs up.

"Jasper, listen to me," Carlisle said slowly, sitting opposite me on the edge of our new coffee table. "The only reason we haven't left Forks yet is because Alice has seen neither Bella's betrayal of us, **or** her acceptance or refusal of your love--"

"She seemed pretty refusing when I last spoke to her.."

"--That being said," he continued, disregarding my interruption. "If you don't get your act together soon and prove to her **and** us that you deserve anything close to love, then we will be out of here quicker than _you_ can say Jack Daniels."

Alice sniggered softly behind him and I attempted to sober my mind as I took in Carlisle's words.

"I've been offered a job in a hospital in London, Jasper. It would be only to easy to make the transition between here and there. Think about _that_ when you go off to make your next liquor store stop."

With his final words spoken, Carlisle rose from his hunch by my knees and exited the room fluidly, followed by Esme, Alice and Edward.

Emmett gave me one last fleeting glance of disappointment before following behind his family, Rosalie close in tow. She halted at the doorway and gestured for Emmett to go on, before spinning to face me with a pitiful expression.

"It hurts, Jasper, I know. It hurts more than anyone will ever understand, but you can't continue like this.."

I snubbed her remarks and tossed myself back against the lounge, muttering that she had no idea what I was going through.

A sudden surge of lethal anger emanated from her, before she kicked me from my position near the floor, sending me crashing once again through the glass coffee table.

"You think I don't know what you're going through better than anyone?" She screeched loudly, picking me up by the nape of my collar and forcing me to meet her eyes. "_You_ have no idea what real heartbreak is! So Bella didn't immediately jump into your arms when you told her what you are- Who gives a crap?! I was raped and beaten by the man I loved. At least when Bella pulverized your heart, she left the rest of your body intact."

As she threw back down against the shards of glass, I was swept under my own crippling waves of guilt and I suddenly felt very sober.

"God, Rose… I'm sorry, I just--"

"Forgot?" She snapped quickly, the sharp edge of her heels crunching the glass into powdery pulp. "How easy it is for one to forget another's pain in light of their own."

"I'm so, so sorry," I whispered softly, wincing as I picked myself up from the debris. "I don't want to be like this, Rose. I hate this feeling. I hate taking it out on the rest of you, I just feel so…"

"Lost," she said quietly, sinking down beside me and leaning against the plush fabric of the lounge. "It's like you're shrouded in darkness and you think that if you can just find a light, if you can just see where you are, you'll be able to get out. Get back to where you were, to who you are." She turned to face me, her eyes strangely understanding. "I didn't have anyone when I went through this, Jasper. But you have so many people who care about you, so let them try to help." Her face broke into a soft smile, "Let me lend you a compass.."

I laughed with her and linked a hand through hers, flesh on flesh, stone on stone. A moment of silence passed and I breathed in an unnecessary breath as I tried to clear my mind.

"You know, Miss. Hale, I do believe we've had our first real twin moment," I announced closing my eyes against the growing thrum in my ears.

She laughed a soft, musical laugh and squeezed my hand in hers. "Well, we've been pretending to be siblings for years, it was bound to happen sooner or later."

I laughed once more and then grimaced as the burn in my throat grew stronger. My incessant drinking over the past few days had left room in my diet for little else, and the prolonged absence of my natural substance appeared to be finally catching up with me.

"So, you're going to shape up or ship out, Mr. Whitlock, is that correct?"

I nodded slowly without opening my eyes. "As of today, I'm a new man." My stomach gave a violent lurch. "Or, perhaps, as of tomorrow."

She squeezed my hand once more before I felt her rise beside me and brush the tiny specks of glass from her denim jeans. "Well, I suppose I have to tell Esme that we require yet another table for the living room. You would _think_ that she'd stop buying glass ones, seeing as we go through these things like disposable tissues."

I smiled to myself as I imagined Esme pacing somewhere in the far reaches of the house. Ranting silently to herself about the carelessness of her children.

With a lithe step, Rosalie departed the room gracefully, leaving me in the painful aftermath of my three-day drinking binge.

* * *

After four very arduous, self-admonishing, sobering hours of hunting, I returned to the Cullen residence on the lake to wash away the remaining stains of animal blood and my own self pity.

No one spoke to me when I returned, either as a direct result from what they had overheard with Rosalie and I, or simply because they sensed my desire to be alone. The fresh consumption of blood had washed away the alcohol from my system, leaving me in a steadfast state of mind.

The contrast between how I had last walked these stairs and how I used them now was impalpable.

Reality was fucked.

I moved sluggishly towards my bedroom and grimaced as the stench of alcohol reached my nose. I collected the bottles quickly and dumped them on the balcony outside my room, promising myself I would deal with the issue tomorrow.

The moon was almost beautiful tonight, and I might have appreciated it more, had it not been for my own blatant disregard for **anything** beautiful tonight. Why should I be reminded of beauty, when it was beauty itself that had rebuffed my advances?

I slammed my door closed roughly and tossed myself against the pit of linen-ware that was my bed.

_My_ beauty. My beautiful, beautiful Bella.

I glanced briefly at my balcony once more, momentarily craving the substances that had kept me numb for so long. I wanted the numbness. The emptiness that accompanied alcohol. I didn't understand how humans dealt with these issues day by day. How did they survive after each heart ache? After each rejection and refusal of their love?

In a fleeting surge of incomprehensive fury, I threw my hand roughly against the smooth head-board, slicing the thick mahogany would in half. Splinters of wood pulp scattered around my face and neck as I glanced briefly at the havoc I had caused, softly smirking as I remembered the last time I had snapped a bed-head in two…

My latest conquest between sheets.

I could not remember the face, the shape or even the name, but I could recall precisely the actions that I had undertook in persuading her to join me.

…So innocent, so naïve to the true intentions of a man. I had captured her interest like no other human had; Striking, strong, charming and attractive beyond all measure, it had almost been too easy to convince her to give herself to me; Body and blood.

But that had been many years ago. Before Alice. Before the Cullens. Before Bella.

I groaned aloud as I imagined taking Bella in the same way that I had taken that no-body all those years ago. Would she scream the same way? Beg for the pain to stop? Or would she moan in ecstasy, her head thrown back and eyes squeezed shut as I thrust violently within her virgin self? I didn't imagine that anybody had yet touched her in the way that I wished I could. In my mind, none had yet caressed the smooth silk of her skin, tasted her pleasure on their tongue as she screamed to high heavens in bliss. She was _mine_. Even if she refused to see it at present time. But when she did see it… Oh, what a day we would have. Passion, lust, desire. Nothing but grunts, moans and the sounds of our bodies slapping together in pure, unbridled ecstasy.

My hand instinctively moved lower towards my cloth-clad crutch as I felt the familiar ball of growing tension in my abdomen. Sure enough, as my hand slipped beneath the waistband of my jeans, I felt a sturdy hardness that was stiff enough to put any foolhardy playboy to shame.

Masturbation was not something that I indulged in regularly, but the dull ache in my balls and the restless state of my current mind was enough to persuade me otherwise. Tossing my jeans and briefs off with a sudden enthusiasm, I stalked briskly towards my ensuite, closing and locking the bathroom door behind me to ensure no unexpected visitors decided to pay their dues.

As I moved towards my glass shower, I was momentarily distracted by the familiar blood-red wall. I stared inquisitively at the paint for a few moments as the color brought about new connotations; love, romance, heartbreak. I dismissed the thoughts as quickly as they had come and stepped into the glass cubicle, throwing the pressure and temperature to their full extent. The sensation the of pelting water against my nether regions withdrew a sharp and satisfied hiss from my lips. It had been so long since I'd indulged. So long since I'd last let myself drift into my own sordid fantasies. Here, with no one but my self for company, I could allow my dreams to take me to a place where reality would not. Behind the gossamer glass of my bathroom, I could make Bella Swan do what I want, no matter how distasteful or unlikely.

I gripped my manhood stiffly and moaned aloud as I envisioned Bella's movements. She would take me hard within her warm hands and move excruciatingly slowly along my shaft, brushing over the head with her thumb and tantalizing every nerve ending. My own hands followed Bella's in my fantasy and I pushed my skull against the shower wall as my breathing grew shallow. She would then slip her own wet body against my own as she shimmied down my chest, burning my flesh with the heat from her skin. I began breathing harder as my strokes grew rougher and longer with eagerness. I threw my face into the pulse of the showerhead as I imagined how easily her mouth would slip over the throb of my head, her tongue searing the velvety coat of my cock. I was close now and I increased the pace of my strokes, loving the pressure building at my core. In my minds eye, Bella finally devoured me entirely and my hand twisted roughly into her soft tendrils of hazelnut hair. As she moaned around my pulsing cock, I finally came undone and shuddered at the intensity of my orgasm, spilling my own seed across my firm hand.

I stood breathing heavily for a few moments of silence, allowing the pressure of the shower to draw me back to reality.

Blunt, honest reality.

I re-adjusted the pressure of the stream and bent my face beneath the flow, smiling as soft trickles of water wandered across my face and neck.

_Bloody realism_… I thought silently, reluctantly ceasing the ebb of water and stepping from behind my glass confinements. _It would all be so much simpler if we could dawdle in fantasies perpetually._

I begrudgingly removed myself from the fog and fantasy of my ensuite and threw myself unceremoniously against my arm chair. A past moment was plaguing my thoughts, an insignificant instant in which Carlisle had spoken of my frequent dwellings on my life. At the time, he had been referring to my constant desire to resist, and yet they sprung to mind now- Utterly, and somewhat frighteningly, appropriate to my current situation. I closed my eyes tightly and laid my head against the plush fabric of the cushions, repeating the words over and over in my mind and cringing as I dwelt upon my uncertain future;

_The best thing about dreaming is that fleeting moment, between awareness and ignorance, when you don't know the difference between reality and fantasy. When you feel with your entire soul that the dream is reality and for the one brief moment…_

…_You think it really happened._

**Okay, couple of things to say. First up- yes, I'm sorry, I know a lot of you wanted Bella to rush back and say "Oh, Jasper! I don't care what you are- Eat me!!" But I felt that this chapter was important in establishing a little more of Jasper's feelings and reactions to her snubbing him. Let's just remember, he's never been in love, so he's not going to take the rejection very well.**

**Second- In regards to Jasper's fantasy-fun in the shower, I can only say this: I don't have a penis (ha-ha!) so if there's something that really doesn't seem right, I apologize. **

**Reviews are awfully kind.**

**X o x o x o x o x o x o x o X**


	16. The Art of Seduction

**A/N: This is the longest chapter I've written, choc-full of Jasper goodness. I quite like it, haha! We finally get some real goodies after a **_**long**_** break without goodies.**

**This is a shout out to the anonymous reviewer, **_**Jaspers Wife**_**. Thanks so much for the support, and for that sweet little Greek translation! And to all the anonymous reviewers, you guys -As well as all you reviewers with accounts- are awesome!**

**Warning: Sexual references. See above; **_**real goodies**_** ha-ha!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

Chapter 16: The Art of Seduction

One week had past since the conclusion of my injudicious drinking binge- a serious lapse in my judgment, if there had ever been one. Esme stalked my shadow near constantly, hovering behind walls or simply finding excuses to relocate her presence so that she was centrally around my own. The first few days I found her company strict yet soothing; the perfect combination to deter me from resuming bad habits. However days drew longer with the week, and it was now a little frustrating, if not insulting, that she appeared not to trust my self control.

Each day I would leave the house to feed, hunting for the majority of mid-morning and returning only when I was sure Esme would be otherwise occupied. The large majority of my mind knew that she was simply being an overprotective mother, caring and looking out for the son who had been snubbed in love. But the bitter, sarcastic portion of my brain, which -coincidentally- had taken the brunt of Bella's rejection to heart, mocked Esme incessantly, often wondering if she would hand me out colored pins to signify the milestones of my sobriety.

I did not return to Forks High that week, relying on my past prolonged absences as an excuse for a raging sickness that had returned just when Carlisle thought I had been healed. Mrs. Cope had spluttered and coughed with tears when I had rung to clarify the reasons for my absenteeism, even going as far as to send flowers and 'Get-Well' cards with my siblings on their return from the dismal school. I had, of course, laid it on pretty thick when I'd made the call; wheezing and croaking like a man on his death bed, then laughing hysterically as soon as I'd put the phone down. It had been the one entertaining highlight, of an otherwise miserable week.

Carlisle had been called to the Swan residence early Wednesday morning, by a stuttering and clearly worrisome father. He had felt uncomfortable at the prospect of visiting a patient who knew his own deepest secrets, but I had persuaded him to make the visit; claiming that her life might be in danger, not to mention, that it would satisfy my own selfish curiosity. When he returned carrying a scent so devastatingly familiar that it physically hurt me, I had fled his presence almost immediately, locking myself in the attic with only the cobwebs, my thoughts and nostalgia to keep me company. I had later discovered that Bella had not been to school since the morning after the storm, confirming my own suspicions that what I had told her had effectively destroyed her.

"Her body is simply reacting to the fragile state of mind she's in," Carlisle had said, peering over his book at me after thoroughly cleansing his body of all things Bella-ish. "At the moment she's presenting flu-like symptoms, nothing too serious. I gave the usual prescriptions for drugs, but I think that she's only going to recover and return to school when her mind finally accepts the situation for what it is."

I had then proceeded to ask whether she had questioned about me, clinging to the foolish hope that maybe she thought of me the same way that I did her. But Carlisle had politely informed me that she had not said much at all, but stared warily at him as if her were a dream.

From that night onwards, despite the protests of my thoughts and family, I had visited Bella Swan in the same fashion that I had made my first trip to her home; as a bystander, an observer at the periphery of her open window. Carlisle had agreed with me that it wasn't necessary to leave Forks yet, given that Bella was unlikely to ever speak a word of our family again, let alone scream our secrets from the rooftops. And though I was sure we would never again share the company of each other in the way we once had, the sick, masochistic side of me couldn't help but be drawn to the presence of one who'd hurt me so deeply.

The first night that I visited her, I had convinced myself it was for the sole reason of collecting my motor bike, a possession that I held most dear to me. I was unsure how Bella had explained the enormous vehicle to her father, and I was apprehensive as to what the fate of my bike would have been if Bella had told Charlie that she had indeed ridden on it. However, I returned again the next night, and the night after that, though I already knew that my bike was safe amongst the several other Cullen Vehicles. Most nights I simply watched her sleep, comforted by her even breaths or the steady thrum of her heart. But occasionally I would enter deeper into her bedroom, observing what books held her interest, or most recently, her music taste. Each time I visited her, I was torn and tormented by the desire to touch her heated flesh. Yet I returned each night again, willing to endure the torment if it was the only real way I could be in her presence. I wasn't sure what exactly I wanted from my voyeuristic visits. Did I expect her to wake up? To tell me how glad she was to see me and that none of the vampire stuff mattered? Those were unequivocally the things that I desired, but certainly not what I expected. The truth was, if she had woken up on any of my visits, the likely response would have been for her to scream bloody murder and demand that I leave at once.

And so it was, with much grievance on my part, I had traded Saturday's late night visit with Bella, for a 'family night' inside with my siblings. You had to love the effort they put in to keep me distracted. Emmett was his usual rowdy self, Rosalie lifted the tenacious attitude she reserved for humans and acted incredibly kind to me, Edward even indulged our fun with his 'gift,' where the aim of a game was to evade his ability. I learned from Alice that my old friends, Charlotte and Peter, were expected to be in Forks the following week and that they traveled with one other male. Ordinarily, this news -and the entertainment that my family provided- would have been incredibly successful at distracting me from momentary bothers. The problem was, Bella was momentary. She was perpetual.

Sunday morning found the Cullen family, myself included, huddled around the large dining room table- an arrangement only enforced in times of dire need. A body count was beginning to build in the areas of Washington State, many surrounding towns having racked up at least one victim with suspicious circumstances. The maul marks on all the victims appeared to be the workings of some sort of animal, but the humans were yet to discover any beast alive that could inflict the imposed damage.

We knew better.

The trail appeared to have began on the outer limits of Richland, working it's way down through Yakima and Tacoma, before hitting Everett just outside Seattle. Carlisle was sure that it was the work of a skilled and highly experienced vampire, but Alice was blind as to who or what this person's purpose was. Edward had tentatively, but critically, suggested that perhaps Peter and Charlotte's new company had irregular feeding habits, but Alice had refuted his suspicions almost immediately, claiming that her visions showed the trio crossing the Canadian border to reach Forks. After three long hours of discussion and strategy, we finally split our separate ways, deciding that if the trail grew any closer to Forks we would attempt to head of the predator before he or she reached the town border.

So all in all, my week -thought highly eventful- had been utterly and undeniably miserable.

I stood now on the same spot that I had stood every morning for the past week; at the far edge of my balcony, watching the horizon. There was a miniscule break in the sky where the sun was momentarily visible in it's steady rise, before slipping unseen behind the dark mass of clouds that lined the Peninsula. Each morning I would wait for the fleeting appearance of light, only to be disappointed once more when the darkness enveloped me again.

I held my arms tighter around my midsection and teetered backwards into my room to prepare for the first day since my 'recovery' of a truly awful disease. I wondered if it were possible for me to avoid having to confront Mrs. Cope, not particularly wanting to face her well wishes and smiles for my health. I supposed that an appearance at the office was required at some point during the day, but I found myself contemplating whether or not I could time my arrival with said receptionist's lunch break.

Alice bounded into my room then, carrying an air of grace and glee that I bathed in for momentary satisfaction. Over the past few days, despite the horror of death and sickness that surrounded us, Alice had been rather cheery and merry, singing soft tunes and prancing about the house emanating a warm glow. At first I suspected it might be Bella's rejection of my love, but when I had confronted her about it, she had laughed openly in my face, telling me that perhaps my ego needed a little deflating. Now she stood before me with a wide smile gracing her features and the sort of expression that hinted to the fact that she knew something I did not.

"Good morning, sunshine!" She sung brightly, skipping over towards my wardrobe and rifling through the clothes. "First day back at school, we have to have you looking pristine so that all those hormonal girls are drooling at the mere sight of you…"

I sighed exasperatedly and stood behind her, my arms held open like clothes rack as she piled on the items I would wear. The truth was, I cared less now than ever about attracting attention. If the one woman that I desired would not notice me, why encourage others to?

"Jasper, Jasper, Jasper," She tutted her tongue lightly, before pulling out a pair of shoes and placing them on the top of my arms. "The game we are about to engage in is not for the light hearted. I will not put all my effort into making you look good, if you're not going to meet me half way."

"What are you talking about, Alice?"

"The art of seduction is a practice that both humans _and_ vampires have been participating in since the dawn of time," She stopped suddenly and snapped for me to get dressed before continuing. "Given the right circumstances, the desired prey can be captured with minimalist efforts, provided that one student--" she pointed at me, "--follows every lesson and command of their teacher," she pointed at herself.

I finished pulling her attire selection over my head and she gestured for me to spin, pursing her lips slightly as she scrutinized my every detail. Then, without warning, she rifled back through my wardrobe and withdrew a rough, leather jacket, throwing it into my arms and demanding that I put it on. I did so without question and she clapped her hands wildly, drawing me in front of a large, full-length mirror.

"Step one, complete," she announced happily, trotting off towards the door.

"Alice, stop!" I demanded, reaching her before she could make a hasty exit. "What are you talking about? I don't want to learn 'the art of seduction.' There's no one in that school worth seducing anymore.."

"Oh, really?" She asked quietly, her eyes twinkling with the words she would not speak. "You don't think that one, Bella Swan, might return on the very day that you do? After all, did she not arrive at Forks High on that same day that you had first returned after six weeks or rehabilitation?"

I stared at her blankly, completely oblivious as to what it was she was trying to tell me. Had she seen something in her visions? Something regarding Bella and myself, or my plight to court her?

"Oh, for god sake!" Alice sighed loudly, clearly impatient with my inability to comprehend her words. "Bella will be at school today. You will be at school today. It is the first time you've seen each other-- well, the first time that you both know the other is there--" she said with a scowl, hinting at my late night visits to her home. "And you have to play this to your advantage."

I remained silent while she stared blankly at me.

"Think about it, Jasper!! It can go one of two ways today. Either, you remain the way you are now -stoic, solemn, alone- and you freak her out all together, _or_ you show her exactly why she developed feelings for you in the first place and you seduce the hell out of her!"

Despite my better judgment, my face broke into a large smile and Alice applauded condescendingly, pleased that I had finally understood what she was saying.

As low as it was, as wrong and potentially harmful as the prospect of what Alice was preaching seemed, I could not help but be delighted and a little intrigued at the possibility of seducing Bella Swan.

With a slight swagger to her hips, Alice left the room, pausing only briefly at the periphery to scrutinize me once more. "Lesson number one; despite what girls say, the bad-boy image never gets old. Take your bike to school today and leave the helmet off, the 'sex-hair' style _really_ gets a girls motor running."

I nodded once more, ignoring the nagging voice in the back of my head that told me Bella was above such frivolous behavior and attraction. Would she finally give in as I acted out Alice's lessons? Or, like an elastic stretches too far by my efforts, would she finally snap into pieces, bringing about her's and my demise?

A loud and weary voice shouted 'yes!' to me, but Carlisle's voice echoed repeatedly in my head, reverberating against the walls of my inner mind and lighting a flicker of hope within my heart.

"_I think that she's only going to recover and return to school when her mind finally accepts the situation for what it is."_

If Bella was now well enough to return to school, did that mean that she had accepted the situation? Accepted me and the enormous amount of baggage that I carried?

The Grandfather clock in the living room began to chime incessantly, signifying that it was eight am and high time that I left. Edwards Volvo seemed to rev at the exact moment when the final chime turned to silence, so I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder before heading down the stairs at an unnatural speed.

It was an unusually dry day for Forks, and though the clouds still hung ominously in their constant threat of down-pour, the drive through to the school was almost pleasant. With a mixture of anticipation and raw fear stirring in my gut, I arrived in the parking lot to be greeted, once again, by an assortment of different onlookers and emotions;

The males seethed with jealousy and discontent, while almost every female's aura was clouded in lust and desire. But I cared not for the want and yearn of women near and far, if _she_ did not feel the way the majority of her peers did, then why feel enlightened by my general appearance's acceptance?

I walked swiftly into the school, bypassing each pupil that stared most unashamedly at my behind, before catching up with a delighted looking Alice waiting coolly by the lockers.

"What did I tell you? The sex hair has got it going on!!"

I laughed sarcastically at her and attempted to push down the locks of hair which were currently strewn in a messy manner around my head.

"What do you think you're doing!?" She reprimanded swiftly, batting my hands away from my scalp. "I'm not going to meticulously plan out these lessons if you're gonna go ahead and ruin them!"

I mumbled an apology and avoided my reflection in the grimy glass of the windows, wary that if I were to see the hairy halo around my head, I would attempt to smoothen it down.

"Good, okay!" She said satisfactorily, "You've got Civics first, followed by double Calculus, then lunch--"

"I know my timetable, Alice!"

"--But I don't take Civics, so I'll only be in Calculus with you… That's okay!" She said cheerily, attempting to work something out in her head. I was unsure if she was simply ignoring my earlier comment, or she was so caught up in her own scheming plans that she hadn't heard me. "Alright, so we'll have about an hour and a half of serious cramming in which I will attempt to teach you all I know about the opposite sex, which you then later put into practice." She looked up, smiling innocently at me as if I were to cheer along with this notion. When I did not, she continued.

"Lesson number two," She said sternly, "If you bump into Bella before our little 'discussion' second period, do _not_ engage her!" I opened my mouth to protest but she cut me off again, silencing my prattle with a hand. "I know you want to talk to her, Jazz, I really do. But this _is_ important, if you do what I say you'll come out on top."

"So what am I supposed to do if I see her, turn around and walk the other way?"

"Oh heavens no," She replied with a short laugh. "The aim of all this is to seem aloof and indifferent to the entire situation. If you act like nothing's happened, _she_ will pursue _you_."

In some sick sort of way, Alice's words were beginning to make sense. Bella would no doubt be curious as to my reactions to her, perhaps she would even yearn to hear more about me. If I, however, acted in the complete opposite way, she would eventually be forced by her own desires to seek me out.

"You're an odd little pixie, Alice…"

She seemed to take that as a compliment, for she smiled widely and nodded her head once.

"Alright, it's time to put phase one into action! You go to class now, and remember, do not engage!!"

I laughed airily and ruffled her hair before gliding off towards Civics. It was odd to feel so light hearted. It was probably the first time in weeks that I had felt so young and… human?

Human. I almost laughed out loud at the irony of it. With all the charm and strength that I possessed, it was not my vampiric actions, but my human ones that would work to capture Bella Swan's heart. The rules had now changed. I could not appeal to her in the ways that I did to others, for she now knew the mystery and secrecy behind the Cullen family. The 'wanting-what-I-can't-have' factor had disappeared, I would have to revert to human tactics and trades to draw her in.

I dashed quickly through the rain as I made my way towards building D, avoiding the high appraisal that students everywhere appeared to bestow upon me. I reached the Civics door just in time for the bell, and I shuffled in stealthily as the other pupils took their seats.

As soon as I passed the threshold of the class room and breathed in that cripplingly sweet scent, I knew that Alice's plan had met a hitch. She was here, in the classroom, sitting attentively at the edge of her seat as the last few students joined the class. How was I supposed to ignore her now? What if she turned around to speak to me? Or what if I was forced to sit by her?

_Dammit, Alice!_ I thought inwardly, cursing her inability to see a future that had been mere minutes away when we had spoken.

Okay, I needed to breathe. I knew the basic gist of what Alice's lessons entailed, I simply had to be aloof, unattainable and perhaps a tad arrogant. I needed Bella to desire my attention, but to bestow none upon her until I had spoken to Alice.

In the lowest, most human gesture I could think of, I coughed a little too loudly to be considered a sickness in a bid to alert Bella to my presence.

It worked.

Her head immediately turned to the loud interruption in the corner of the room and I felt the surge of curiosity and fear, followed by a touch of irritancy. I smiled to myself. The more I ignored her presence, the more irritated she would become.

I slid the jacket from my shoulders slowly then and threw it over one of the spare hooks against the wall, flushing inwardly at the amount of lust such a simple action appeared to generate. It was impossible to discern Bella's feelings from the throng of fellow females, but I prayed that she too, had contributed to the mounting desire in the room.

In one last gesture that I was sure would throw timber on the pupil's lustful fire, I turned slowly and ran a hand roughly through my titled 'sex-hair,' shaking drops of rain water down my face and neck, and watching with delight as an almost synchronized sigh ran through the room.

"Ah, Mr. Hale!" The teacher, Mrs. Serrow, announced giddily, just as influenced by my presence as the rest of the class room. "I do hope you're feeling well, you've been sick for quite some time."

I gave her a curt nod, briefly explaining that Carlisle believed the illness to be cured, before heading towards the back of the class room where a two-seater desk remained empty.

I glanced at almost every student that I could as I passed, but when my eyes reached Bella Swan's form, I deftly avoided her gaze before landing on the student beside her; Jessica Stanley.

_Don't do it…_ My thoughts warned quietly, severely disagreeing with what I suddenly desired to do. I ignored the voice regardless, and as soon as my eyes met with miss Stanley's, I winked.

A surge of furious jealousy welled up inside the lone companion next to Jessica and I moved swiftly towards my desk then, fearful that I would erupt into a fit of laughter and hence giveaway the game.

Bella -who knew right well what I was and the ramifications that came to becoming too close to me- was jealous. The thought alone was priceless. After ignoring my presence for the past two weeks, she was finally beginning to show some interest.

I put my bag on the desk with a loud thump, then chose to sit not directly behind Bella, but in the seat just to the left. That way I avoided Jessica Stanley's constant glares, but was seated centrally enough to encourage some side way glances from Bella.

My choice proved to be a wise one.

Intermittently for almost the entire lesson, Bella Swan stole glimpses at my form, confusion and aggravation growing with each and every glance. Each time her head would tilt in a pre-warning of her forthcoming leer, I would glance the opposite way of her; never meeting her eye and giving the impression that I had no idea she was looking in the first place.

Jessica continued to whisper quiet compliments of herself for the hour, stating to Bella that she was sure I had taken a fancy to her, whilst wondering aloud whether I would ask her out. Bella offered little comment in return, but seethed with silent envy each time Jessica mentioned the wink.

When the bell finally rang for second period, Bella seemed to take an excessive amount of time packing up her things, as if she hoped this would give her an opportunity to speak to me. The prospect was sorely tempting, but Alice's shrill voice seemed to scream in my head each time I considered the option. Instead, I swiftly grabbed my bag over my shoulder and stalked to the front of the room before throwing my leather jacket over my shoulder and moving into the rain.

Alice was all too pleased to see me when I met up with her for Calculus, explaining that I had passed her first test with flying colors.

"You knew?!" I asked incredulously, thinking of how I had cursed Alice's cluelessness the hour before.

"Of course I knew, what am I, stupid? I needed to see how you would act without guidance!"

When we entered the class room and I could no longer abuse her with stories of how the lesson _could_ have gone, Alice launched into a full blown lecture and analysis on the actions that I had taken first period, and how I could refine my skills over the day.

The entire two hours passed in much the same fashion; our Calculus teacher, Mr. Wren, knowing better than to attempt to catch out two pupils that knew more about the subject than himself. Alice congratulated me on such things as my wink, the strut through the class, and my constant avoidance of Bella's eyes. I agreed with her that the hair toss was probably overkill and that perhaps my hasty exit had convinced Bella that I was avoiding her, whereas she may previously have simply suspected there had been no opportunity to speak.

When the bell for lunch finally rang, Alice went over the plan once more before swiftly departing to meet the others for a brief hunt. I felt guilty for not joining my siblings, but Alice had convinced me that 'the plan' was more important and reminded me that perhaps the presence of four other vampires may frighten Bella off.

Each time I thought about the looming confrontation in the Lunch Room, my stomach seem to flip and tie itself into knots. This was Isabella Swan, rejecter of love, stamper of dreams; I should be dreading her presence, not desiring it.

The stampede of hoards of hungry humans alerted me once again to my surroundings and I moved swiftly into the Cafeteria, dumping my school books and bag on the table closest to the grimy windows before grabbing a lunch tray.

Phase two -as Alice so eloquently put it- required the most concentration as I had to rely heavily on what she had seen in her visions and then time my own movements accordingly. I stood motionless at the pillar closest to the exit so that those who were already seated could see me, but those who entered did not. At precisely twenty-three minutes past eleven, Bella trudged into the Cafeteria carrying an air of misery and gloom that immediately caused me heart to ache for her. Her eyes briefly flickered to each of the rapidly filling tables ahead of her, before becoming downcast once more and her emotions sinking further into despair and disappointment. She moved towards the lunch trays as if her limbs were held down by heavy weights and shuffled into the mounting queue for food without another glance at the pupils surrounding her. I took this as the chance Alice had described from her vision and slid in behind Bella's warmth, savoring the sensation of being this close to her again.

She began filling up her tray sloppily, her hands moving as if mechanical and her mind seemingly not taking in what her eyes stared blankly at. I mimicked her actions, placing items on my tray which I cared less than nothing for. But then again, I cared little for anything anymore. At the moment my mind was a haze. Her warmth, and the scent which accompanied it, swirled around my mind as a soft cloud; stunning my senses and making it impossible for me to care about anything other than the goddess ahead of me. I wanted to touch her, to reach out and caress her cream skin. But somewhere in the far reaches of my mind, beneath the mist and blur of Bella's influence, a voice was screaming it's demands at me. Immediately, and a little _too_ willingly, I moved closer to Bella as she collected some cutlery for her tray, placing my cheek over her shoulder and whispering my words at the lobe of her ear.

"Hello, Bella."

With a high-pitched yelp, she spun swiftly on her feet, her tray slipping sideways from her hands and her heartbeat suddenly thundering through the roof. I grabbed the tray and it's contents in mid flight, grasping the bowl of lasagna and placing it evenly in the middle of the tray once more, smiling at my spectacular save. Those in the Cafeteria who had witnessed my feat erupted into applause, causing Bella's emotions to flush with embarrassment and her cheeks to color with a deep rose tint.

Even in the current situation, I could not help but appreciate how truly beautiful she was. With her flushed face, her heaving chest and those wide, innocent appearing eyes, I couldn't help but smother the moan that threatened to fall from my lips.

"Sit with me?" I asked quietly, still grasping both her's and my trays in my left hand.

When she continued to stare wide eyed at me -her voice seemingly silenced- I stifled my pride and extended my right hand towards her, my mind screaming in warning at the imminent rejection.

I could have screamed with pleasure as I felt the scolding burn of her hand slip into mine and I grasped it firmly, refusing now to let her go once more.

_Screw Alice's lessons!_ My mind screamed cheerfully, blissful beyond words for this momentary satisfaction. _She's coming with you already, just woo her dammit, WOO HER!_

I ignored the voice reluctantly, steering through the crowd of onlookers to reach the one empty table in the room.

With much disinclination, I released Bella's hand from my own and gestured for her to sit, moving my books and bags from the table to the floor. She moved with much trepidation and took her seat closest to the crowd, her eyes scanning the tables and her teeth unconsciously chewing on her lower lip.

"Something wrong?" I asked carefully, noticing that the crease between her eyebrows signaled there was something she couldn't understand.

"Just wondering if this table is jinxed or something," she said indifferently, now turning her gaze back to the table in question.

I burst out laughing at the absurdity of the statement and moved her tray in front of her, gesturing for her to eat.

"And why would it be jinxed?"

Her eyes met mine briefly before she picked up her fork and began stabbing at the questionable meal in front of her, a touch of curiosity and fear mingling with her blissful warmth.

"The other tables are all really full," she answered, spearing a bit of lasagna and placing it in her mouth. "But no one comes any where near this one. What, did someone puke on it or something?"

I laughed once more before thinking of how best to word my answer, not wanting to come off as incredibly conceited.

"Well, this is '_the Cullen table_.' It's common knowledge, Bella. I doubt that people sit here even when we're absent from school."

She snorted quietly, mumbling something about 'royalty' and then grimaced at the meal in front of her, pushing it slightly to the side. I glanced down at my own tray, salad and fruit, before thrusting it in front of her with a fresh set of cutlery. She looked as though she might protest, but then a shade of realization colored her features and she gave me a curt nod.

"I guess you don't really need it," she mumbled, picking up the apple in front of her and rubbing it on her coat sleeve.

When I remained silent, she chanced a fleeting look in my direction, blushing madly and biting into the apple when she found me to be scrutinizing her.

A smile sprawled across my features and I seized the apple from her grip, biting down in the same section where she had laid her own mouth. The fruit itself was somewhat repulsive, but the taste of Bella upon my tongue sent a raging shiver through my spine.

"Tasty," I murmured through my gob full of pulp, wiping my mouth on the back of my hand.

"You like the taste?"

"I was referring to you, not the apple," I whispered softly, leaning across the table and giving my best attempt at a seductive smile.

She blushed furiously and then took the apple back into her hands, refusing to meet my eyes again.

Alice was right. The honesty was unnerving and certainly unexpected. But it didn't seem to frighten Bella, quite the contrary in-fact; she was aroused. I found this information rather startling and I leaned back into the safety of my chair, opting for a turn in conversation.

"You were sick," I stated rhetorically, suppressing the desire to ask why the hell she had never made contact with me.

"So were you," she bit back, picking up her fork and stabbing a cherry tomato. "But I highly doubt whether you were _actually_ sick, since all the research I've done says that it's impossible for a _vampire_--" She whispered the word as a breath, "--to fall ill to human sickness."

"Ah, so we've been a busy beaver then?"

"What did you think I would do?!" She seethed quietly, jumping slightly as the bell for the end of lunch rang. "I got home and convinced myself that I'd simply had some sort of delirious dream. Either that or I had, in fact, died in that stupid storm and that all of this was all some sick part of purgatory!"

"Well you currently seem quite convinced otherwise…" I stated evenly, moving my bag over my shoulder and standing.

"Yes, well…" She stuttered, running a hand through her hair and rising from her seat. "Eventually I decided that you were _not_ a dream at all, but something so terrifyingly real that it chilled to my very bones."

A stab of pain rippled through my gut as the implication of those words set in.

"And then what?" I questioned, desperate to get to the crux of her own feelings.

Her eyes met mine briefly and they were so wide and full of pity that I immediately turned away. I felt like such an idiot. I could seduce and flirt till the cows came home, but it would never change her feelings on what I was… what I am.

The bell for fourth period rang and Bella cursed quietly, flinging her bag onto her back and pushing in her chair.

"Come one, Jasper. We're going to be late for gym. Let's just… forget about this for now, we can talk later."

I snorted quietly, but stalked after her as she made her way to the door.

"I do recall you telling me that we would 'talk later' two weeks ago. If that's your definition of 'later' than please do tell me so that next time I'm prepared."

A deep shot of guilt clouded her at once, but she refused to turn around, picking up her pace as we ran down the echoing hall towards the hall.

We burst through the doors at an alarming speed, the entire class already sitting in their gear across the bleachers, staring accusingly at our late arrival.

"Miss. Swan, Mr. Hale, how nice of you to finally join us," Coach Clapp said sarcastically, crossing his arms over his chest in a clearly unimpressed manner. "Get into your gear, quickly! We've got some theory to go through before we start some prac."

Bella did not need any more persuading than that. She shot around the corner into the change rooms almost immediately, and with one last glance at the class, I shot in after her.

Before she could dash into the women's room, I grabbed her by the wrist and pinned her against the wall, crushing my body against her own. Her chest heaved roughly against mine and I could feel the strain of her nipples through her bra, rubbing most erotically against my own. Her breathing grew shallow and weak, and this time I was sure that it was not only my own lust that was causing a violent flame to burn between us.

"Just tell me, Bella," I said quietly, moving my lips towards her neck and lightly kissing her pulse point. "Tell me this one thing and I won't bother you till after Gym. Do I frighten you so much that you cannot stand to be in my presence? That we can not even be friends?" I sucked slightly on the point where her pulse thudded against my lips and she drew in a sharp breath.

"No, Jasper, no…"

"'No' as in stop? Or 'no' as in we _can_ be friends?"

"Don't stop…" She said breathily, "Please don't stop…"

I groaned into her skin, wondering vaguely when our situation turned to this, and licked lightly from her neck to the junction at her jaw. Her taste was indescribable. Pure bliss, pure pleasure, pure _lust_.

"Jasper, I'm sorry, I didn't mean… I didn't mean to--"

"Answer the question, Bella. Can we at least be friends, then see where it goes from that?"

I moved my pelvis against her's and she gasped at the contact, clearly spurred on by the evidence of my own desire. Her pupils were blown so wide that they took up almost her entire iris. She wanted this, she wanted _me_. I didn't care if it was by my own skill, or her lust was only momentary, I gazed into her eyes and I saw the exact same conflict and want that I had been battling with for the past two weeks.

"Yes.." She whispered quietly, her lips slightly trembling with anticipation.

I released her then and stalked towards the men's room, fearful that if I did not stop now I would take her roughly against the wall. When I reached the entrance, I turned back to find Bella still panting quietly, her hair a messy halo around her angelic face.

"Get changed, Bella, we'll speak later.."

Her eyes met mine fleetingly, and she nodded before moving towards her own change room, her aura still clouded with a heavy lust and desire.

Once we had both changed and rejoined a rather impatient Coach Clapp, he informed the class that we were to begin self defense in response to the recent murders surrounding Forks. We were asked to get into pairs and we would then be instructed how to apprehend an attacker to make time for an escape.

Having dragged a number of plush, blue mats across the linoleum floor, the gym was now considered 'safe' to practice fighting skills. I suggested that a few more mats would be a wise idea and reluctantly agreeing, Coach Clapp sent for ten more.

What I was most fearful of was the threat of injury or bloodshed and my response to such a situation. I knew, being partnered with Bella, that I would not allow the blood to be her own- But what of her class mate chums or the teacher himself?

I moved Bella and myself to the mat closest to the exit, that way I could at least attempt at an escape if worst came to worst. Bella still seemed to be reeling in from our recent escapade, and I wondered -ludicrous as it may be- if I had done the right thing in leaving her so unsatisfied.

_Oh, right! Cause you should have just stuck your hands in her pants right there!_ My mind thought sarcastically, never missing the opportunity to mock me for the simplest of thoughts.

"Okay!" Coach Clapp's voice echoed through the hall loudly, "I want you all to decide who is going to be the predator first and who will be the prey."

Bella snorted quietly, mumbling "Well, that's easy enough," before glancing back at the floor.

"Predators, listen up! I want you to move one arm around the neck of your prey-- Don't squeeze him Newton!-- and then gently move in so that their back is flat against your stomach."

Bella cocked her head incredulously to the side, before rolling her eyes and gesturing for me to do as he'd said. I stepped in behind her, moving my left arm around her beautifully fragile neck and lining my torso against her back. I was painfully aware of how hard I already was, and I was quite sure that Bella now knew too. She gasped quietly at the sensation before relaxing once more and moving further into my embrace. God this woman was the devil! I muffled my moan against the skin of her upper neck and snaked my other arm around her waist, pressing her closer towards me.

"Okay, prey! I want you to mime-- MIME YORKIE-- the action of slamming down your right foot on the foot of your attacker." The class followed suit immediately. Bella lifted her leg slowly and then pushed it back down to the front of my shoe. Each movement caused her body to rub against my hard-on and I was suddenly swept from all thoughts self-defense related, to one thousand different ways that I could take Bella on the floor. I had no idea what this meant. Did she want me now? Did she yearn for my body the way I did hers? And most importantly, what of the issue of the monster that I was?

"Good job! Alright, predators will then wince in pain… Wince in pain!" He said pointedly when none of the 'predators' made any movement. I released Bella slightly, but moved my lips back to her ear lobe, lightly kissing the soft flesh I found. The shiver that ran down her spine seemed to run back through my toes and I grasped her once more, reluctant to ever let her from my embrace. "Okay, then prey, you'll have the chance to move your right arm back and elbow your attacker in the face. Remember, mime it guys! This is self defense-- I'm watching you, Yorkie!"

Bella shrugged her right shoulder from my grip, loosening my hold around her and causing my left arm to skim across her breast. I sucked in a sharp gust of air and Bella leaned her head against my shoulder, her breath and chest heaving heavily.

"What… What would happen if I _actually_ elbowed you in the face?" She asked huskily, miming the movement of the action.

"Honestly?" I asked, moving my right hand over her abdomen and tickling the bare flesh I found. "You'd probably just break your humorous bone.."

She nodded against me and continued miming the movement, straightening up a little as Coach Clapp passed by the pairs.

"Excellent! Okay, you've done a good job everyone. Next lesson we'll swap roles and try out some new movements. Bell's about to go for fifth, so you may as well get changed. Newton! Yorkie! Yeah, that's right funny guys! You think this sort of this is a joke? You stay and help clear away these mats."

The two in question sighed loudly and began grudgingly moving the mats towards the store room. Jessica seemed to be asking Bella something, but I couldn't concentrate on the words, my mind was filled with nothing else but what I had to do now.

Without another word, I grasped Bella's hand in my own and ran from the Gym, leaving Coach Clapp and the rest of the class behind. I found an empty class room almost immediately, and burst through the door roughly, dragging Bella in after me. I shut the door and drew the blinds quickly, turning to see Bella breathing heavily behind me.

"We need to talk," I said quietly, echoing the same words she had used on me that fateful Wednesday two weeks ago.

"What do you want me to say, Jasper?" She said angrily, reverting once again to a cool and resolute exterior.

"You said we could be friends," I said slowly, stalking towards her in the way an animal corners it's prey. "But how can we be friends if you hate what I truly am? If the truth of it all _'chills you to your bones.'_"

She scoffed and spun away from me, her heart beat thundering violently in her ribcage.

"Look at me, Bella," I said calmly, spinning her to face me once more.

Her eyes filled with angry traitor tears and she wiped at them furiously with the back of her hand, angry at her open display of weakness.

"Bella--"

"No!" She said angrily, moving over towards the black board. "I'm sorry, Jasper, I really am sorry that I didn't contact you when I said I would. But what did you expect me to say? That it didn't matter? That it was going to be 'okay' because I simply don't care? It matters dammit! And all of this--"

"Bella, I didn't expect you to just accept it."

"--Don't interrupt me!" She scowled, pacing the room furiously. "All of this is so beyond what I am, so yes, I'm having trouble dealing with it… You could kill me, Jasper. I know it, you know it, okay? So forgive me for not calling you the day after I found out you had the potential to crush my skull with your finger tips! I needed the time, Jasper. Because now I can look at the situation more objectively."

I opened my mouth to speak, but she gave me a glare that warned me not to interrupt her once more.

"…I don't think you chose to become what you are, because you're a good person, Jasper, despite the… _slipups_--" She shivered slightly, "--you've had in your past. And I have feelings for you, I do, and all that damn time I spent cooped up in my room caused those feelings to fester. But they're feelings that I've never experienced before, emotions that I couldn't even begin to describe and I don't know how to handle them."

I was walking closer to her, my face now mere inches from her own.

"Tell me, Bella. Three words, that's all I need to hear. And if you can't say those three words now, then give me hope that there'll come a day when you can shout it from roof tops."

"I can't…" She said quietly, free flowing tears running salty lines across her pallid cheek.

"Why not?" I whispered faintly, my lips breathing the words onto her own.

"Because if I say them out loud then this becomes something real. And if this real, then everything that we have, everything that we could hope to be, becomes something we can't control…"

I was kissing her then without another thought, taking all her fears across my lips and extinguishing them to the fire that burned between us. Her tears ran heavier across my skin and I wound my arms around her waist, holding her against me as if my mere support could hold us together perpetually. She sighed against my lips and opened her mouth slightly as her searing hot tongue met my ice cold one in a surge of passion and fervor that caused every fiber and hair on my body to stand on end.

I didn't care anymore, not about my past, not about the wars, or even my inability to resist in the manner my siblings had achieved. Because I finally understood. I could finally see what it was, _how_ it was, that Esme and Carlisle continued in a world shrouded in darkness. Why Emmett and Rosalie found solace even at the darkest points in their life. There would be no more fleeting appearances of light in my morning, following by incomprehensible darkness. No more contemplating why it was I had been placed on this earth.

I'd found the reason of my existence and I'd be damned if I was going to let the natural causes of human death keep us apart.

Bella Swan belonged to me… In this life _and_ the next.

**Will they get a fairy tale ending? Pahahahahahaha!**

**This is a hefty chapter… A lot went down ; )**

**Please show your appreciation and leave a review. Especially you first people who read it. Yeah I'm talking to you kids that have this on alert and simply ignore the option to leave feedback lol!**

**Quick question regarding relationships. Do you actually want the whole Alice and Edward thing? Cause I find it incredibly incest-y and I don't think they'd be compatible at all. Those of you who think I'm crazy and want them together, please tell me now. Those of you who want another Michal (Amor Prohibido) deal with Alice, please say. When I say 'Michal' deal, I mean one of my own made up characters haha.**

**PLEASE LEAVE YOUR ANSWER.**

**Reviews = Confidence.**

**X o x o x o x o x o X**


	17. Here and Now

**A/N: Sorry this note is so hefty. First off, I am really sorry for the delay on this chapter. But school has resumed and as those of you have been through senior year know, there is a shit load of work that is required of you. I will, however, be able to get at least one chapter out a week- more if school is slow.**

**Secondly, my god you guys, I absolutely love you! The previous chapter was so well received and it just made me feel so loved haha! **

**To answer the anonymous reviewer "Liza's" question, the reason that one of the classes went for almost two hours was because it was a double-period. The others all go for one hour ; )**

**Finally, this chapter is dedicated whole heartedly to my good friend, Nia-ox. Whose constant support and brilliant writing was the reason I started writing in the first place.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

Chapter 17: Here and Now

_Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired -Robert Frost_

I watched as the tiny flickers of sunlight began to play on the horizon, teasing the peninsula with their delicate threads of light before splaying an intricate, golden design across the sky.

Almost time, now.

I began to furiously pace the room, a feat that I had actively been participating in for the past hour and a half. A brief glance at the large, wooden clock at my wall gave me an accurate indication of the current time, and I furrowed my brow in irritancy as I calculated the lengthy hours that I was still required to endure.

One, maybe two hours tops?

I groaned aloud as I imagined myself pacing silently for that length of time. Perhaps I could simply arrive earlier? Pretend that I had gotten the times mixed up and whisk the girl away into the morning light…

"Certainly not, Jasper."

A small smile played on my lips as I recognized Alice's voice at the periphery of my door. Things had certainly improved in regards to mine and Alice's relationship. There was no more hostility, no more question of unrequited love. Just simple siblings. Me and her. Her and I.

"Did I do something to offend you, ma'dear?" I asked slowly, spinning back from my window and walking towards a strangely animated Alice.

"It's not what you've yet done, but what you're planning to do," She replied, her eyes squinting slightly as she appraised me. With a silent shake of her head and a purse of the lips, she continued. "There will be absolutely no whisking away of one Miss Bella Swan today, Mister."

I laughed out loud and ran towards her, lifting her into my arms and swinging her around wildly the room. I had never in my life felt more jubilant than I had in the past few days. Until recently I had not believed that such emotions existed within me. And yet here I was, not twelve hours after my goodbye to Isabella Swan, feeling more enlightened by the mere prospect of seeing her again than I had felt in over a hundred years of living.

The week had passed as a blur, a haze of oddly euphoric emotions and an almost constantly painful arousal. Following our classroom rendezvous, when I had finally mastered the self-control to release her from my lips, I had asked Bella the simple question of whether or not she desired for us to be something more than friends. My heart almost burst with relief when she mumbled an oddly incoherent affirmative and I had taken her into an embrace once more and kissed her till the bell signalling the end of fifth period had rung.

The rest of the week, though no where near as eventful as the beginning, had been full of experiences so foreign to me that I had been forced to repeatedly question my siblings about their nature on the return from school each day. When Bella had casually slipped her hand into mine on the way to Bio on Wednesday morning, I had become so overzealous at the prospect of such an intimate touch that I had almost crushed her fingers in my grip. She had laughed and mumbled something about my uncontrolled enthusiasm, but I could still see the unmasked fear that lay beyond the witty banter in her eyes. She didn't trust me… Not completely, anyway.

Each class that I had with her was a mixture of ecstasy and utter gratification. Each class that I had without her was an hour of longing and simmering bitterness at the absence of her touch. As our self-defence lessons progressed in Gym, the positions and tactics that we were required to act out grew more and more intimate. I had grown to understand each simple reaction of her body and was now able to orchestrate a truly breathtaking symphony of her own gasps and quiet moans. She had later told me -under much blushing and a speech subdued by stuttering- that she seemed to constantly find herself overcome by an embarrassingly large amount of lust whenever in my presence. I had laughed a little too loudly to be considered mere mirth and had quickly opted for a change of topic, mentally reminding myself that I needed to control my own emotions around her.

Lunch times were spent in a similar fashion to that hallowed Monday morning, occasionally joined by an exuberant Alice, who Bella had brightly told me she rather liked. During Thursday's lunch, despite my own belligerent protests, Emmett and Rosalie had joined us in the cafeteria, politely introducing themselves as my 'siblings' before skipping back towards the _Cullen Table_ and resuming their untouched lunch. My anxiety over Bella's response to them must have been clearly sprawled across my face, for she laughed out loud at me before telling my that she was beginning to grow quite fond of my family. I had offered a sarcastic comment in return, whilst mulling over Edward's own apparent distaste for Bella and wondering if it was all due to the simple fact that he could not read her mind.

Friday evening found me positively trembling with a growing fear of rejection as I planned how best to ask Bella on an official date. However my fears -which had been growing steadily for the entire day- had been doused almost immediately after I had breached the topic, with an equally nervous Bella accepting my invitation. I had cried out with glee for almost the entire trip home, winding through the slippery roads at the maximum speed and laughing aloud as the wind tore through my hair.

And so, having just seen the tiny flickers of light signalling Saturday's morn, I could not help but feel slightly overcome by the impending occasion of mine and Bella's date.

"Date."

I said the word slowly, savouring the sensation that it left along my tongue. For all my years of living, for all the _experience_ I possessed with the opposite sex, I knew little about the human ideals of 'dating' and the locations or activities that were preferred. I scowled slightly and mentally admonished myself for not preparing more research. What if Bella hated what I planned? What if she didn't want to be alone with a blood thirsty vampire? Or what if she was deathly allergic to the food I'd had prepared? What if I killed her?!?

"Oh dear god, I'm going to kill Bella Swan!"

Alice let out a bark of laughter and threw her most recent fashion choices towards my appalled expression, wrapping an arm around her gut as she howled with hilarity.

"I-- I n-- never thought I'd see the day--" she cried in amusement, her own emotions making it difficult for me to remain surly. "--When Jasper Whitlock, Casanova extreme, Mr. Love em' and leave em' would be frightened of a first date!"

I scowled at her and turned away, throwing her chosen clothing over my body.

"I don't know anything about dates, Alice," I whined helplessly, pulling a hand through my matted hair. "All **I** know about dates is that they are those weird little fruits of the giant date palms and that they contain a lot of fibre!"

If it was possible, Alice laughed louder, her exuberant cries echoing through the entire house. I swatted her roughly over the arm and walked away from her presence, muttering something about her unreliability as I walked down the stairs.

"First date, bro?" Emmett asked brightly, sitting Indian style on the lounge as I walked into the lobby. "Pretty scary, huh? Lot of pressure for you to perform. If the first date's not good, she might not want a repeat."

"Oh thank you very much, Emmett," I said sarcastically, slumping down beside him on the couch. "I'm stressed enough as it is without your commentary."

He gave a quick snort before bashing me on the shoulder and resuming his own activities. It took a moment of my own silent contemplation before I realized that Emmett was not, in fact, playing the X-Box, nor was he watching the television…

…He was reading?

"What and why are you reading, Emmett?" I asked amusedly, unable to keep the tone of shock from my voice.

"What? You think just because I like games and hunting, that I don't have the intellect to engross myself into a proper book?"

For a minute I was stunned silent by my own poisonous guilt. Was that really all I thought of Emmett? Could I see nothing but a big bear in the lovable brother who had been nothing but welcoming since my arrival?

"Kidding mate, calm down!" His face broke into a bright smile and I smiled with him, pleased that I had not yet effectively destroyed out relationship. "Look at this," He whispered faintly, shuffling over towards me so that I was pushed against the furthest arm of the lounge.

He book-marked the page of the giant tome with his index finger before closing the cover and showing me the title. I took in the large, cursive, golden letters and began to read the by-line.

"Top Ten Female Erogenous Zones, A Guide to Pleasing-- Emmett!" I chastised quickly, a little embarrassed -yet not at all surprised- to have found him reading the book.

"What?" He asked nonchalantly, turning back to the page his index finger had bookmarked. "I found it in the school library, it's not like--"

"You found _that_ in the school library?!" I asked aghast, wondering which section he could have possibly found it under.

"Yeah, isn't is cool?" He asked proudly, clearly under the impression that he had stumbled upon a real treasure. "I don't know why the hell a Forks school would have it, but hey- finders, keepers, huh?"

"Yeah," I murmured affirmatively, resisting the temptation to ask Emmett if I could borrow it. I shivered slightly as I thought of the way I could touch Bella under the guidance of the book. I hardly needed any more education in the subject, but the allure itself was sorely tempting.

I politely excused myself and moved quickly back towards my room, attempting to conceal my sudden -yet somewhat expected- hard on. I thought briefly of relieving myself in the bathroom, but decided against it; resolving that I had 'relieved myself' more often in the past week than I had in my long lifespan.

"You're still here!" I sighed in false disappointment, pushing past Alice and laughing at the defensive expression on her face.

"_Actually,_ I just came to find you," she seethed quietly, crossing her arms over her chest and turning her nose up at me. "And what a state I've found you in--" She gestured towards my crutch and I threw an onslaught of pillows at her. "Let me guess, Emmett showed you the book he found in the senior's section of the library?"

I burst out laughing and nodded, sinking back against my bed.

"Or it could just be my company?" She mused further, chuckling with glee as I threw the bedside table at her.

"Is there something you actually wanted to tell me, or do you just enjoy humiliating me, Alice?"

The smile slowly faded from her face and she gave a quick nod, though the sparkle of hilarity was still evident in her eyes.

"I was just going to tell you that I have _foreseen_--" She moved her hands over her eyes in a very gypsy-esque manner, "--that Charlotte, Peter and our Mr. Unknown, are set to arrive between late tonight, and the early hours of tomorrow morning."

I nodded thankfully, grateful to have this information. I could -and would- not risk Bella's safety around my old friends, despite whatever claims they made about abstaining from their diet in Forks. It was risk enough for her to be alone in my presence, let alone allowing her within a ten mile radius of these travellers.

"You going to tell her?" Alice asked quietly, snapping me out of my thought induced haze.

"I don't know…" I mused quietly, rubbing my hands over my eyes, "Do you think I should?"

Alice stepped back from me with her hands in the air and a bright smile on her angelic face. "Completely your call, Jazz. You have to decide what you think she needs to know… But there are certain things that I would let her in on. Why she's always overcome by lust, perhaps? A lust that _you_ seem so incapable of controlling. You've got to be careful of it, Jasper. You can't let your hormonal instincts get the better of you around her."

I closed my eyes tightly and gave a silent concurrence, dreading that conversation the most. What was I supposed to day to her? How could I possibly explain the influence I had over her emotions and not cause her to flee from my presence?

"She'll be fine, Jazz," Alice whispered supportively, sitting besides me and placing a comforting hand over my forearm. "If there's nothing else I can tell to you, I can say this; she will not leave you today."

"No future is set in stone. Remember, Alice? You told me that. What if something happens today? What if I lose her?"

"If you keep asking yourself 'what if,' you're never going to get anywhere." She reprimanded quietly, squeezing my arm in an almost threatening manner. "Do you really want to just be one of those guys that constantly broods? Unable to do anything but dwell on what might happen or what could occur?"

I shook my head slightly, unable to ignore the voices that told me I wasn't good enough for Bella. That told me I wasn't good enough for love. Alice shushed me softly and cradled me against her chest.

"I know you don't think you deserve this, Jasper, but you _really_ do. You're a good person-- a _great_ person, dammit! You deserve to be loved. You deserve to have someone who cares for you."

I wrapped my arms around her midsection and she held my cheeks between her two petite hands, forcing me to meet her eyes.

"I want to hear you say it, Jasper," she said sternly, her emotions flickering with a vindictive anger. "I want you to push away every voice, every memory of anyone that ever said that you weren't good enough, and just tell me that you have earned this."

I closed my eyes again, attempting to hold onto her voice and to drown out every sound that screamed through my thoughts in protest.

"Can I just tell you how much I _want_ to believe I deserve her?" I answered in forced hilarity, smiling humourlessly and attempting to dissuade her from forcing me to say something I could not speak.

"Or you could just tell me that you're beautiful," Alice bantered back, understanding my silent plea and not pushing the issue further. She reverted, almost immediately, back to bright, happy Alice, but her emotions betrayed the careful mask of indifference that she wore- She was incensed and burned with illogical guilt.

Though I cared for her possibly more than any other in my family, Alice cared far too much for my well being, and often irrationally blamed herself for not 'saving' me sooner. I often wondered if I had made the right decision in sharing my past and personal life with Alice. I certainly cared for her beyond words, but when ever I spoke of the life I had lived before her, her aura always flushed and hummed with a deep and unquestionable anger. Anger at Maria, anger at the Wars and anger at herself.

"You know I love you, Al, right?" I asked quietly, squeezing her hand gently in mine and kissing her knuckle.

She laughed softly and nodded silently, unable to trust her own voice.

"You couldn't have come to me any sooner than you did, Alice, I mean it. You can't blame yourself for the life I lived before you, nor can make me forget it. I love you more than anything, but I will not tolerate you feeling guilty about something you had no power to change."

Her dark pupils widened with the unseen fury and her hand clenched a little tighter on my own.

"If it were just me, _her_ and a dark alleyway, I would totally kick her ass," Alice said confidently, omitting Maria's name from the sentence and referring to her in the way we most often did.

Years ago -before Forks, before Carlisle, before Bella- Alice had quite correctly deduced that names were too personal a thing to give to one that I had grown so much to despise. To name your enemy was to open a connection, to create an existing link between those who should be disconnected. By only ever referring to Maria through her gender, Alice and I had effectively severed all past and present bonds that I had felt we were joint through. I'd freed myself. No more duty, no more honour, no more sacrifice. Just the shadow of a memory; one that I kept permanently in the far reaches of my mind.

"She's awake," Alice said quietly, breaking the pensive silence with her melodic tones and ripping my thoughts back to present times. I stared agape at her bright, smiling face and she nodded once, answering the unspoken question.

It was time.

"I jumped from mine and Alice's embrace and began fretting around the room, picking up my leather jacket and wildly attempting to flatten my hair.

"Do you think she'll mind me coming this early, Alice?" I asked rapidly, pulling on either side of the dark blue scarf that Alice had given me to wear and endeavouring to make it sit right.

"First of all--," Alice replied calmly, swatting my hands away from the scarf which she had placed around my neck and tucking it into the dark, shapely sweater. "--_Never_ fiddle with the work of a fashion Master. Secondly, no, I don't think she'll mind your unexpected appearance at all. In fact, she'll probably be flattered that you couldn't wait to see her. Flatter her, show her a good time, it's not going to rain, snow, or hail on your date today, so it's smooth sailing from here on!"

I snorted quietly, pulling on the leather jacket and allowing Alice to bestow her final touches.

"That's a pretty big 'probably,' Al," I said despondently, picking off the lint on my jeans and slipping into my shoes. "What if she's still eating breakfast, or what if she's just getting changed and she's… completely… naked…"

My thoughts turned into a euphoric fog as I imagined what a truly wonderful sight that might be. To feast my eyes upon such glorious flesh and taste her as she writhed beneath my--

"Oi!" Alice snapped quickly, clicking her fingers in front of my face. "I'm beginning to feel all warm and fuzzy inside, so unless you want _me_ to jump your bones, then you should probably stop dawdling in what I can only imagine to be some pretty sordid fantasies!"

I cringed inwardly and swatted Alice away with my hand before heading towards the door.

"I don't even get a goodbye?!" She cried lamentably, her expression contorted into mock sobs.

I spun on my heel and crushed her into my arms, kissing her from cheek to cheek.

"I love you, you little freak!" I said cheerily, before releasing her from my grip and heading down the stairs at an unnatural speed.

"Good luck, man," Emmett called over the edge of his book, not even glancing up from the deep pages within the tome, but giving me an encouraging thumbs up.

I laughed elatedly and headed out towards the garage, throwing my keys into the ignition of the bike and racing across the open driveway without another thought.

****

The Swan's small, A-frame house came into view along the narrow street, its attic-like windows having fogged over almost completely from the heat within. I was thankful and indescribably relieved to find that Police Chief Swan's cruiser was missing from the slender drive; the fresh tire tracks revealing that he had left not moments before my own arrival. I pulled into the vacant spot and let the sharp air around me calm my thoughts. There was nothing else to worry about. There was no awkward fatherly introductions, no fear of a sudden downpour and no paranoia that Charlie would attempt to turn my bike into a pretzel...

…It was all smooth sailing.

I counted thirteen steps as I walked towards the door and then inhaled a deep gust of air as I knocked once on the door.

…Knocked twice.

…Knocked thrice.

I exhaled the same gust of air, took thirteen steps backwards and stared up at the curtain billowing from the upstairs window.

_Perhaps she can't hear me_, I thought fairly, making my way over towards the large tree besides her house and swinging myself into the branches.

I climbed through the throng of twigs rapidly, snapping several thick branches in my haste and slipping undetected into the open window. Her scent was so overwhelmingly strong here that I was sure she must have spilt blood somewhere. However, a brief glance around the room found the culprit. Several items of dirty laundry were crumpled together in the far corner of the room, their sweet scent like a painful reminder of that murder which I had could have quite easily committed so many weeks ago.

I held back the sob that threatened to fall from my lips as I thought of that which could have been lost. My momentary guilt and utter self loathing, however, was interrupted by the arrival of the woman in question. She bustled in as beautiful as ever, blushing brightly, wrapped in nothing but a towel.

I groaned embarrassingly loudly and grunted with the exertion that it took me to stand still. Alice's words echoed repeatedly in my head, warning me to control my emotion, warning me to behave.

"Jasper… God, what the… You gave me a heart attack," Bella stuttered continuously, her breasts heaving heavily with fright.

"I'm sorry-- I knocked, but… the window-- you didn't hear me…"

Her breathing grew less constricted as relief and realization set in. However, with realization came the awareness that she was close to stark naked standing next to me. A deep, burgundy tinge rose from her toes to her forehead and she clutched the cotton closer to her body, her eyes drifting from place to place around the room, searching for an escape.

"Oh, god, right… I'll leave!" I said suddenly, moving towards the door.

A sharp blow of fear and loss cause me to lurch forward and I gripped the door handle, breathing heavily against the intruding emotions.

"Please don't go, Jasper. If I'd known you were here, if I'd know--"

I put my finger to her lips as I realized the cause to her irrational fears.

"I'm not leaving the house, just the room," I said slowly, allowing my eyes to rake her figure. "Unless, of course, you'd like me to stay? To which I would be only too happy to oblige."

I pushed her closer towards the wardrobe for added effect, moving my crutch against her cloth clad body.

She gasped slightly and leaned into my ministrations as I tickled my fingers across her shoulders. Alice's voice was growing more and more distant, the voice of desire shouting louder than ever.

"Jasper…" She breathed my name softly, bending her hips against mine. I hung my face against the nape of her neck then groaned as she pushed me away.

I'd pushed her too far again, I'd pushed her beyond the limit.

As I prepared to sink to my knees and grovel in submission, Bella laid her own finger against my lips, slipped behind my body and closed the bedroom door.

**Hoo-hoo-hooo!!**

**Okay, so not really the most eventful chapter, but I think it really showed the dynamics of Alice and Jasper's earlier relationship.**

**What a hideous cliff hanger, huh?**

**Reviews provide motivation.**

**X **


	18. Control

**Late? Yes. **

**Thank you again for all your patience and support. This chapter picks off exactly where the last one ended. This chapter lives up to the (M) rating…**

**Warning: Sexual references and crude sexual related language. Do me a favour, if you're uncomfortable, DO NOT READ. I repeat, turn away from your monitor now. We have a semi-dirty talking Jasper in this chapter. Nothing too bad, but if you don't like it… (re: above.)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Chapter 18: Control

* * *

"_Lust is to the other passions what the nervous fluid is to life; it supports them all, lends strength to them each and every one. Ambition, cruelty, avarice and revenge are all founded on lust."_

* * *

I was breathing far too heavily to be considered healthy. It was all too much. Too much temptation, too much desire, too much _lust_.

Alice's reproachful tone faded into the back of my mind, lost beneath the invading thoughts of my patent yearning. There was nothing left to control me. No voice of reason to hold me back. I didn't care about consequences anymore, nor did I care about safety. She was asking, _pleading_ for me to take her, and who was I to refuse the requests of such a beautiful creature?

Her warm, dark eyes probed mine curiously, her pupils all but blown with her craving. She was so warm, so very hot. My name was breathed faintly from her lips and I closed the distance between us, wrapping my arms around her waist and pressing her body into my evident desire.

"Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella…"

I whispered name repeatedly, chanting the two syllables as if it were a prayer. She was beyond anything I had ever encountered before. Beyond _human_.

Her small, agile hands tore across my back and twisted themselves into my hair, tugging at the ends and moving my mouth towards her own. I knew the softness and warmth of that mouth. I knew the silken touch of her tongue, the moan and sighs that fell from her lips as a symphony of angelic sounds.

…And I knew that the moment her lips brushed against mine, all logic was lost.

I moved my mouth hungrily against her own, grasping the soft cotton of the towel around her hips and lifting her effortlessly into my grasp. Her head was tossed back in ecstasy and she roughly gyrated her pelvis against my hold, wrapping her legs around my waist and wedging the cloth obstacle between us.

"Dammit, Bella," I swore, grasping her thighs tighter and pushing her against the wall. "We can't… we have to…"

She pushed her pelvis against my painfully hard erection and moved her hand to trail down my shoulders. The glorious apex between her thighs emanated a scolding heat that fused our bodies together. There was no escape, no way that we could part. And it was all my doing. All my lust.

"I want this, Jasper… I want to touch you…"

I groaned against the skin of her neck and ripped our bodies from the wall, fumbling towards her bed and landing with a soft thump on the cushioned mattress. I pressed my body fully against her own as my hand trailed to the opening of her towel and slipped inside. Her eyes squeezed shut tightly and she gasped against my ministrations, leaning into my touch and encouraging me to delve deeper.

I could see my own reflection in the pools of her eyes; the matted expression, the hunger for her affection, the unmasked desire of a man who had been without water for weeks on end. I _needed_ to touch her.

My hand skimmed across her collar bone and danced down the pale skin of her chest. The flesh was so soft, too soft. I fingered the fabric of the towel delicately and then began to move it down slowly, revealing more and more flesh with each movement. When at last I'd pulled the garment down to her stomach, I moaned in gratification at the sight before me. She was so beautiful, so pure and good. My hands skimmed upwards towards her chest and I kissed her hungrily when my hands cupped her supple breasts, massaging the taunt nipples in my palms.

She whimpered against my touch and scraped her hands across my back, urging me closer to her, always closer. It had been so long since I'd been with someone in this way- too long. I constantly craved the vice like grip of a woman around my cock, the ride of ecstasy till I was milked to the very last drop. Now, at last, I had the opportunity again.

"Please, please… Jasper, Closer…"

I was breathing heavier now; each gasp laboured beneath our dense lust. I wanted to please her, to taste her, to have her scream my name to the high heavens in ecstasy as she came around my cock.

"Tell me you want me, Bella."

She mewed quietly and my words and arched her back towards my touch.

"God… I do, I want you, Jasper… I want you so much."

I ran my hand along the valley between her breasts, pushing the towel away from the rest of her body and revealing her perfect shape to my eyes.

"How much do you want me, Bella? How much do you think about me when I'm not here?" She continued to whimper as my hands travelled south, but I wanted the answers. I needed to know if she desired me a fraction of the amount that I desired her. "Do you ever touch yourself when you think about me, Bella--" She gasped once more in embarrassment and a deep rosy hue covered her face and neck. "--Because I do, Bella. I think about you when you're not around, and it's all I can do but to stop from touching myself when I think of you."

Her eyes were cloudy now, fogged beneath the desire that my words were generating for her. Her mouth was hung open slightly and her violent breaths blew tendrils of blonde hair around my face. She remained silent though, too dazed to give a thought to the questions I so desired answers for.

I moved my hands towards the soft curls at the junction between her legs and opted for a new approach.

"Have you ever had an orgasm, Bella?"

She nodded slowly and once again, the dark, reddish hue covered her body from top to toes and she squeezed her eyes tightly shut as I stroked the blazing heat between her thighs.

"Allow me to rephrase," I continued slowly, balancing my index finger tip at her bundle of nerves but showing no signs of movement or intention to create any friction at all. "Have you ever had an orgasm under the ministrations of someone other than yourself?"

She shook her head quickly then moaned and grabbed my shirt as I slipped my finger towards her slick centre.

"Have you ever come thinking about me, Bella? Thinking about what I could do to you?"

It took her a little longer to answer this time around, but when she gave a sharp and almost shy nod, I dragged my thumb back towards her clit and kissed across her collar bone until I was whispering huskily into her ear.

"You have no idea how that makes me feel. To know that you've desired me in that way, to know you've touched yourself wishing it were me… You're so beautiful, Bella. So very beyond what I could ever be."

Her eyes held the stubbornness and dispute that she wouldn't speak, while her hands began to push my shirt across my shoulders. I moved my index finger closer towards her entrance while I circled her clitoris with my thumb, eliciting an allegro of quiet moans and sighs from the goddess beneath me.

There was no point in resisting anymore. No point in fighting what I needed. I knew that this was what I wanted, and I was sure -beyond the shadow of a doubt- that this was what my inner demon desired.

Our union.

Sex forged a connection, a deep bond that would run between Bella and I like no other. A connection, only made stronger by love, would lead to a compromise; A sacrifice, a death on her part. Eternity. The one thing that I had and yet, was unwilling to share. The one thing that the monster wanted more than it did her blood.

A mate. Eternity. Companionship. And I was delivering it to him step-by-step through my actions.

"I'm going to make you come, Bella. Is that alright?" She gave a rapid string of nods and I groaned aloud at her enthusiasm, thinking only of my own gratification at the conclusion of our union. "I have a very particular of talent, Bella. A talent that I have refined over a hundred years of my life. Do you know what that talent is?" She shook her head silently and almost screamed when I dipped a finger inside her. "_This_ is my talent."

Her face was fixed in a silent gasp as I moved skilfully, yet unfamiliarly within her. Her flesh was beyond any heat I had ever experienced. It was scolding; a molten rock and fire that touched every fibre in my body. I moved quicker within her, increasing my pace and movements under the directions of her moans while my thumb moved roughly against her bundle of nerves. She was almost at her breaking point and I was harder than I had ever been in my life. I gyrated brutally against her legs, working my own painful predicament like a dog humping at its owner's leg. My jeans were too tight, too constricting for the task at hand. I flicked open my own fly and my tented briefs emerged as I continued to rub Bella according to her reactions.

I could feel her quivering beneath my touch and I knew that she was close to the summit. I bent low above her and breathed across her ear lobe as I whispered my demand.

"Come for me, Bella. "

With one last twist of my fingers and a well rehearsed flick of my thumb, a shattering cry fell from Bella's mouth as her walls clamped down across my fingers and her entire body shuddered with the extent of her pleasure. As the waves of her own climax rocked through my foundations, I groaned loudly in my own satisfaction and gripped her closer to me; reeling in a pleasure so authentic, that for a moment I believed myself to have come.

Hours could have passed while I stared at her sweaty form, waiting for her heartbeat to return to what it had been. Her mouth continued to swing agape, while a soft smile graced her lips, silently expressing her own pleasure to me.

I breathed heavily and rested my entire body along side her's, spooning her naked form into my side. I didn't know that it could feel like that. I didn't believe, in a hundred years, that I would feel her orgasm as strongly as if I had felt my own. It was as if I had taken more satisfaction from pleasing her than I could have ever gained at pleasing myself.

Did I need anything else?

_No._

I knew that this was all I needed now. Her pleasure was my pleasure. Why throw away everything that I had worked so hard to gain in one moment of blissful, blinding lust?

_Two points; Jasper, Zero points; Monster._

My raging hard-on was reduced to mere arousal and Bella was clutched so tightly to my chest, that for an instant it felt almost as if the thrum of a heart between us was my own. It pulsed steadily against my ribcage and I closed my eyes, allowing the brief delusion that it was mine to thunder through my veins.

My delusions…

In this moment I could pretend that I was human. I could forget the life I'd lived, the lives I'd lost, and I could pretend that I was good enough for her. There was no more internal struggle, no voice of paranoia in my mind, just two regular teenagers. Two regular human beings in love.

"…Jasper?"

I clutched Bella closer to me, allowing her invigorating scent to rock through my core before murmuring my attentiveness.

"I don't want to sound crass, or completely idiotic," She continued, wrapping her arms around my midsection. "But thank you."

I nuzzled my face into her hair and kissed her forehead lightly before answering.

"You have absolutely nothing to thank me for, Bella. But I want to thank _you_--" She made a noise of protest but I continued over the top of her, eager to convey my point. "--for accepting me, faults and all. For looking past my very rough exterior and showing me that there _is_ something in this universe worth existing for. That there is some sliver of decency left in the human race."

I turned her chin slightly to face mine and pressed my lips firmly against her own as I pushed every ounce of love I felt into her. Her arms wound around my neck and I kissed her deeper, conveying my love wordlessly to her and praying that she would do the same.

_I love you, Bella_.

I had not forgotten that she had yet to say the three small words out loud. But it was in these fleeting moments of utter ambience that I could all but feel the emotion radiate from between us.

"We should get going," I said quietly, breaking apart from her lips and unwrapping myself from our embrace. "I did actually have plans for today and I would hate for them to become unsettled because we had a little… _detour_."

She blushed crimson again and I laughed at the absurdity of her embarrassment, curious as to why she was more embarrassed about the discussion of the act rather than the act itself.

"You have no reason to be embarrassed, Bella. You are the most beautiful person that I have ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes on, and if you _ever_ attempt to hide that beauty--" She stopped fidgeting with the sheet that she was desperately trying to cover herself with, "--then I will be forced to take away your clothes and burn them all."

She gave a nervous bout of laughter and I picked her up from the bed, appraising her features once more.

"Beautiful," I repeated, kissing her lightly before releasing her from my embrace. "But beautifully late, all the same. I have to go make a quick call but put simple clothes on, I have a few more _adventurous_ activities planned for today and I don't want to be ruining any nice outfits."

She nodded once, slightly dazed, before spinning back towards her wardrobe and rifling through the clothing choices.

I smiled half-heartedly and turned back through her door, not missing the bruises that were beginning to rise on Bella's thighs and breasts.

I moved swiftly from the room behind me, silently flipping out my cell-phone and wondering why things suddenly seemed so different from this side of the door…

**So, yes. Jasper is having problems with controlling his lust. It's getting him into some 'pickles' and he's got to attempt to control all this.**

**Anyhoo, I know these past chapters have kind of dragged but I'll try to get into some good stuff next chapter. **

**School still sucks, so updates are still slow. Sorry.**

**Reviews? Updates.**

**X o x o x o x o x o x o x o X**


	19. Authors Note

**Authors Note:**

I have never, in all my time on Fanfiction, posted an authors note as a chapter- but just this once it needed to be done. As many of you know, I am in my senior year at school right now and as such, am struggling with the severe workload. It's known as the HSC in Australia, equivilant to the SATs in the US. It is the time when you say goodbye to your out-of-school commitments, goodbye to your social life and goodbye to any simple outlet that gives you fleeting joy. As such -much to my own grievance- I am forced to put Vida en Muerte on temporary stand-by. I know many of you will be upset, hell- I'm probably more upset than the sum of you put together. I love writing this story so much and conversing with the people who read it. But I cannot let my school work suffer anymore than it has.

I will miss you all terribly until I return. Please don't flame this, it will not encourage me to come back.

Sorry, ecaniaga.


	20. Giant Steps

**NINE FREAKIN' MONTHS HIATUS!?! What kind of story has over nine months off??**

…**Clearly this one.**

**I am FREEEEE!!!! No more studies or exams! I have burned all text books to cinders and danced on their ashes. Thank you so much to every one for the support, it's been absolutely amazing. I thank each and every one of you for your understanding and unwavering support. I'm not naïve enough to think I haven't lost 50% of readers, but I'm so glad to be back in the fandom.**

**There's a recap of what's happened in the story thus far below.**

**Warning: Many **_**explicit**_** sexual references/situations and language. Stop reading now if you are uncomfortable with it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight (God, it feels good to write that again!)**

(Quick reminder of what is actually happening in the story line; Jasper told Bella about the whole 'vampirism.' Bella freaked. Jasper drank. Jasper then confronted Bella about ignoring him-- they got a little frisky behind the school gym. Jasper asked Bella on a first date. On the way to pick Bella up for said date, Jasper walked in on her getting out of the shower, was unable to control lust; got frisky again. In the midst of all this friskiness, Jasper actually ended up bruising Bella's body a bit and left the room to make an 'urgent' phone call.

Meanwhile, the parallel plots; Charlotte, Peter and another unknown are coming to Forks to visit. Another nomad(s) appears to be around the Forks area, as there has been a rising body count. Bella does not know of this threat, nor does she know that Jasper's human-eating friends are coming for a visit.)

Think that's it… Now, what you've all been waiting for. I present--

Chapter 19: Giant Steps

"_Beautiful," I repeated, kissing her lightly before releasing her from my embrace. "But beautifully late, all the same. I have to go make a quick call but put some simple clothes on; I have a few more adventurous activities planned for today and I don't want to be ruining any nice outfits."_

_She nodded once, slightly dazed, before spinning back towards her wardrobe and rifling through the clothing choices._

_I smiled half-heartedly and turned back through her door, not missing the bruises that were beginning to rise on Bella's thighs and breasts._

_I moved swiftly from the room behind me, silently flipping out my cell-phone and wondering why things suddenly seemed so different from this side of the door…_

The phone connected on the third dial tone, the voice calm and rational on the other end.

"How could you not tell me?!" I seethed through clenched teeth, loping from Bella's bedroom door and charging down the stairs with the gracefulness of a troll.

The voice on the other end remained silent for a moment, before exhaling unnecessarily loud and speaking low and fast.

"Listen, Jasper, you need to calm down it's not exactly--"

"No, Alice," I interrupted, my mind hazed by anger, "don't you dare tell me it's not a big deal. She's bruised like a peach! I could have done so much worse, I could have killed her, or--"

"Yes, but you _didn't._ And I knew you weren't going to do any real harm--"

"How can you-"

"--So there's really no need to be making _quite_ such a fuss," she continued, unfazed by my interruptions. "Jasper, you haven't been with a woman in decades! Besides, Bella probably rather enjoyed the whole activity…"

She laughed lightly then and I felt the phone begin to splinter beneath my quivering touch.

"Alice. I am going to speak very calmly and then I'm going to hang up the phone. If you ever neglect to tell me of future situations where Bella may be harmed again… I will end you."

I hung up the phone and threw it across the room in a sudden rage. It did not afford me much satisfaction but I felt slightly calmer.

She knew. She fucking knew that I would bruise her. _Damage_ her. And she said nothing.

Bella stumbled down the stairs then and I masked my irritancies with a false, cheery smile. She laughed out loud at my apparent glee before sauntering over towards my silent form, leaning upward on her toes and pressing her lips against my own.

"I think I've just about drifted down from cloud nine now, so I'm ready to leave whenever you are."

I laughed softly and bent down to capture her lips in mine once more.

"Any chance of actually telling me where we're going?" She asked curiously, leaning back from my embrace and threading her fingers through my own as we moved towards the front door.

"Not at all," I replied, attempting to stealthily check out the growing bruises on her collarbone and neck. She tilted her head slightly as she caught me critically appraising her; something akin to confusion coloring her delicate features.

"What? Is there something on me?"

She brushed her hand against the bruised skin, wincing as she unintentionally aggravated the abused flesh.

"Ah, just another bruise to add to my growing collection." She shrugged her shoulders noncommittally. "It's okay, Jasper. In case you've neglected to notice already, I'm somewhat of a klutz."

I nodded slowly, running my fingertips against the flesh as she sighed softly in appreciation.

"I'm sorry, Bella."

She waved her hand dismissively, taking my hand back into hers as she locked the front door behind us. Bella glanced hesitantly at the sky, weighing up the risk of leaving sans raincoat.

"You'll be fine," I said reassuringly, handing her my helmet. "I had Alice on weather-watch this morning and she assures me that she's foreseen only cloud cover."

Bella stared incredulously at me for a moment; "how's that now?"

I remained silent for a moment, before laughing lightly; accustomed to speaking candidly of Alice's gift with those who understood it.

"Well, you see, Alice has a very… _handy_ gift. It happens sometimes, when humans with special abilities are turned, that these 'abilities' are transferred into, well, supernatural attributes."

Bella continued staring skeptically at me, her face colored with confusion; "What?"

I laughed again, fitting the helmet onto her head and flipping up the visor.

"Alice has the uncanny ability to see elements of the future, namely whatever she's focused on, but its all very subjective. The future isn't set out like a story, it changes rapidly with every decision."

"Alice can see the future!?" she repeated loudly, her hearing impaired by the helmet. "but that's, I mean that's so--Oh God! Shit, Jasper!" I laughed loudly. "Could she have us? You know, what we were doing… before?"

My laughter died abruptly and my jaw clenched tightly as I thought of my recent conversation with Alice, still angry over her flippant disposition.

"No, Bella. I doubt she was focused on the future of my sexual escapades."

Bella blushed and I tried to smile softly once again, leaning in to kiss her through the helmet. She laughed at my attempt to maneuver my lips to hers and I pulled back reluctantly, accepting defeat.

"So… I mean, do _you_ have any special attributes," she asked quietly, swinging herself over the bike. "Aside from what you've already… well, showed me."

I smiled smugly and swung my own leg over the bike behind her, pushing her closer towards the throttle.

"I have certain gifts, but we can talk about them when we reach our destination. Right now, I just want to get you there in one piece."

It was in this moment that Bella finally realized our odd seating placement.

"What are you doing?" she asked quickly, spinning on the bike to face me. "Why am I at the front, I can't drive."

I laughed and spun her back around. "Yes, I realize that, my Bella. But it's just a little more… _fun_ this way. We couldn't drive like this before because, well, lets face it; I hardly knew you. But now that I've gotten to know you a little more _intimately_, I think I'm allowed this small pleasure."

I heard her breathing grow shallower and I reached around to close the visor, aligning my body closer against hers. She shuddered when the bike roared beneath her and gripped her hands atop of mine, leaning back against me as I revved the engine.

This was going to be one hell of a trip.

I let the road fall away beneath us as we weaved through the slippery roads of Forks, clenching my thighs tightly around Bella's as she trembled at the speed. I could feel her frustration as I took the dirt road towards the Olympic National park, no doubt irked by my refusal to tell her where we were bound. But her irritancy was a mere blip on my emotional radar; already clouded by my lust at our current position. I loved that her body trembled at the exhilaration, how it bent towards my torso; swayed by a force she struggled to understand. I loved that I had given her pleasure, _such _pleasure, without needing my own release.

However, while _I _felt satisfied enough to bestow bliss upon my Bella without receiving anything physical in return, the more primal, animalistic element of my inner self was burning with an unquenched thirst for pleasure.

A thirst that was steadily growing stronger with each inadvertent grind of Bella's behind.

_God dammit, get a hold of yourself! _I mentally chided, attempting to alleviate the growing pressure in my lower abdomen. The bike jumped over a large, loose tree root and Bella slid further back into my embrace; now pressed firmly against my raging hard on.

…_Oh fuck it, _I sighed softly._ Well, your entire body is rock hard as it is. Here's hoping she doesn't notice the rigidity of one more certain appendage._

The bike jumped again and Bella's hands shot straight to my thighs, clenching roughly against the denim-clad skin until I could feel her nails scraping through the fabric.

I bit back a groan of pleasure and sat my chin atop her shoulder, grinding my teeth together to keep further noises from erupting from my mouth. I sighed loudly when I felt I had regained composure and attempted to re-route myself to our destination; thinking that perhaps I should have jacked off in the bathroom before we left so that I might be more presently focused.

Abruptly, I turned off the dirt road and onto an almost non-existent track, traveling due east where the forest grew denser and darker. Bella's hands crawled instinctively up my thighs, attempting to comfort herself while inadvertently further arousing me. I thought of simply putting her hands down my pants to gain some relief, but dismissed the thought swiftly; unsure of how I would react to the feel of her scorching hot hands on my icy, throbbing flesh.

_This is getting ridiculous, _I thought coldly, revving the engine in a bid to reach out destination faster. _If you don't get off this bike soon you're going to cum in your pants like some inexperienced virgin, like… like Edward Anthony Masen Cullen!_

The bike jolted suddenly at my momentary shock and Bella's hands shot to my forearms as I redirected us into the Olympic park.

_Well, at least her hands are at a safer location now._

I smiled humorlessly and increased the speed, sure now that we were moments away.

The Olympic National Park accounted for a good fifty plus percent of the Clallam County area, but there was a specific region that I sought out today, east of Forks near a bank on Boulder Creek. There, among the mossy trees, ferns and wildlife, was a truly spectacular treasure that ran from a tributary of the Elwha River; a natural treasure that I had taken pleasure in since mine and Alice's first arrival in Forks:

Hot, steaming, natural springs.

The destination choice was partly due to my desire to share such a place with Bella, but largely a selfish ploy of mine to get Bella wet and naked and warm.

Of course, Rosalie had pointed out that she may well detest the idea and that I was a "filthy, lecherous perve" for attempting to manipulate Bella in this way. But I was no Royce King, and I was certainly never going to force Bella to partake in any activities that she was uncomfortable with; regardless of my own selfish desires.

Soft tendrils of steam were beginning to show around the dense shrubbery now; a sure sign that we were getting close. I slowed the bike till it was crawling along the non-existent path, wary of being able to steer through the blend of fog and steam. Bella tentatively pried her hands from my arms and tugged the helmet from her head; gaping at the beauty that surrounded us.

"What is this place? It's… beautiful," she said in awe, cradling the helmet in her lap.

I brought the bike to a stand still and turned the ignition off, sliding myself off the leather upholstery and extending a hand for Bella to do the same.

"This, my inquisitive Bella, is _la salvación para los condenados."_

She stared at me curiously for a moment.

"Salvation for the damned."

A soft smile graced her lips and she took a step towards me, close enough so that our torsos lined up against one another's.

"You speak Spanish," she stated evenly, "I didn't know."

"I think you'll find there's an awful lot that you don't know about me, Isabella Marie Swan."

She shrugged her shoulders softly and smiled again; "Maybe that can change."

I laughed quietly before cradling her head in my left hand and leaning in to capture that plump, upper lip; smiling as her body instinctively gave into my touch. I ran my tongue across the soft, pink flesh, dipping into her mouth the moment she sighed in satisfaction. It was blissful; her smell, her touch and taste, and it was growing more and more difficult to restrain myself. The boundary between our black and white worlds were being distorted by shades and specks of grey. My right hand snaked around her back and I crushed her body against mine, walking her backwards until she was pinned between my body and a large, oak tree. On impulse, I ground my pelvis against her, slipping between her warm thighs and wrapping her legs around my hips.

God, how I needed to be inside her. It had been so long for me, _too_ long since I had been with a woman, and I wanted her, _needed_ to feel her tight, hot flesh contracting around my cock.

I kissed her deeper and her tongue moved roughly against mine then, pushing closer, deeper, further into my mouth. Closer to my teeth. Closer to danger.

I pulled back abruptly then, dumping Bella unceremoniously on the ground.

"Jasper?!" she cried out, standing back up and gaping at me; a mixture of amusement and disbelief scrawled across her delicate features. "What the hell was that?"

I tugged a hand through my hair and swore to myself, taking a step back from Bella, away from further temptation.

"This isn't good, Bella," I murmured quietly, turning to face her. "We can't get too comfortable around each other, we just, we can't. What if something happened, what if I…"

I allowed the sentence to fade to silence; tiny broken fragments of what could have been.

"There are things you don't understand, Bella, _so many_ things. You know basic facts; who we are, how we feed, but there is so much more you don't know."

Bella raised one dark, sculpted eyebrow and took three steps towards me.

"I'm not objecting, Jasper," she said calmly, taking one of my hands within her own. "I _want_ to know these things, alright? Or… or as much as you can tell me without breaking some sort of weird, vampiric code."

She laughed quietly then and I placed my index finger across her lips to silence her. "It's a little too late for that, Bella." Her eyebrows pulled together in confusion and she opened her lips to protest again. "Enough," I said quietly, taking my finger from her lips and shaking my head softly. "Today's not supposed to be solemn. I'm sorry, I'm being a wet blanket. Let's just focus on here and now, shall we? And this very small sliver of salvation that I have left."

She scoffed shortly, but let the issue pass.

"…It really is beautiful," she said again, moving towards the swirling ribbons of steam that curled around the moss trunks and shrubs. "It's so foggy and…" She pulled at the collar of her shirt and turned to face me again, smiling, "hot? …Jasper, why is it hot?"

I smiled smugly and stalked towards her.

"Close your eyes, Bella, and I will _show _you why it is hot."

Her eyelids fluttered close without complaint and I took her hand in mine, leading her down the hillside to a row of large boulders, roughly around the same height as her.

"Okay, open your eyes."

Bella looked around the area curiously, before meeting my eyes once again.

"Ah, yes. The source of the heat; boulders." She laughed loudly at her own joke.

"No, Bella, hot springs," I elaborated, climbing up the face of the rock and gesturing for Bella to follow suit. With some difficulty, she hoisted herself up the smooth boulder edges, straddling the row before hopping below onto the other side.

A moment of silence passed where Bella stared across in awe at the sight in front of her.

"I… I can't believe this," she whispered in admiration. She was standing on the pebbly edge of one of the largest, not to mention undiscovered, hot springs in the Washington State. "How… I mean, when did you find this?"

I sat down on the pebbles and leant against the large boulders, pulling off my boots and socks.

"I am full of many secrets, my Bella, _this _is just one of them."

She frowned and sat down at the waters edge, tracing her fingers through the waters surface.

"It's so warm," she said quietly, leaning her head back in contentment. Her eyes snapped open suddenly and she turned to face me; "why didn't you at least tell me we'd be around warm water? I could have brought my swimmers…"

She stood up from the waters edge and came to sit by my side.

"I _could_ have done that," I answered with a smirk, pulling my shirt over my head. "But then I _really_ didn't want to miss out on the sight of your naked body gliding through the steamy water."

A dark red hue colored her features from her head to toes and she glanced down towards her feet.

"Oh please, Bella," I laughed quietly, pulling at the fly of my jeans. "Have you forgotten that I've already seen you stark naked?"

Her eyes shot to mine and she stood up suddenly, poising her hands at the hem of her sweater. "You're on," she said with a smirk, and with that, tugged both her shirt and her jumper over her head.

I watched with unmasked glee and adoration as she peeled the rest of the clothes from her body, chucking the items into a pile on the shore before diving through the warm water and leaving the barest of ripples.

Her head poked out of the water some thirty feet from the pebbly shore and I could just make out one highly raised brow as she stared at me incredulously.

"What's wrong?" she teased, swimming backwards through the water. "You afraid I'll see you naked?"

I laughed roughly and in one quick movement, pulled my jeans down my body. I knew I was hard, incredibly so, and I wondered how Bella would react to… _it_? Nonetheless, she kept her eyes trained on me as I walked towards the waters edge, a deep blush coloring her face. I could sense her arousal and trepidation as I moved through the spring, and it called to me like a drug.

The water scolded my skin as I moved in deeper and I hissed in satisfaction as it swirled around my pelvis. It was hot, pleasant, arousing; everything that my Bella was to me.

"It's… nice, huh?" Bella mused quietly, her eyes darting from my torso to my face and back again. "Nice and, uh, warm," she finished lamely.

I laughed quietly and dove beneath the water, rising up a few feet from where Bella was treading water.

"Yes, it is _nice_ isn't it," I replied. "It gets up to 138 degrees sometimes."

She smiled softly and moved to swim closer to me.

"Maybe its best for both of our well beings if we stay a few feet from each other; given our current predicament."

She stopped moving closer abruptly and began gliding backwards to where she had been.

"Is it… difficult?" she asked quietly, cocking her head to one side. "I mean, is the whole 'I-want-to-suck-you-dry' a little over powering?"

I laughed at her odd analysis of the situation and shook my head silently.

"It's not like that, Bella, it's… it's very difficult to understand."

She remained unmoved and shrugged her shoulders; "I'm kind of bright, Jasper. Why don't you give me a try?"

I opened my mouth to argue the issue further, but realized that this was exactly what I _needed_ her to understand; the two sides of me, all of me, Jasper Whitlock Hale Cullen.

"Okay," I agreed, swimming over to the far end of the springs and sitting on a submerged rock which acted as a bench. "Come here, I'll _try_ to tell you why its hard."

She took a few hesitant strokes towards the makeshift bench, before choosing a spot a good few feet from where I sat.

"Shoot," she said with a smile.

I looked down at my reflection in the water and then back up at Bella, an idea suddenly ignited in the recesses of my mind.

"Have you ever heard of 'The Strange Case of Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde'?"

Bella nodded her head slowly, "yes, I read the novella last year and watched the movie with Mum and Phil."

"Good, then you know that there are two personalities in the central character; Dr Henry Jekyll, and the misanthropic, Mr. Hyde." She nodded again, but gave no interruption. "Jekyll is always pigeon holed as the 'good' and Hyde the 'bad', but essentially neither one is ever fully in control because each is bound by an inexorable reliance, so one cannot make a decision that isn't influenced by the other."

"So you're telling me you think you've got a bit of both in you?" Bella asked, her emotions colored by disbelief.

"No, Bella, I'm telling you that I _am_ both; Jekyll and Hyde both make up Jasper." She only stared incredulously at me, but I took her silence as the signal to continue. "When you become like me, like my family, Bella, there's two aspects to your personality; the remnants of the old, human you, the Jekyll, and the new, demonic, vampiric you-- the Hyde. At the beginning especially, Hyde is the most dominant figure, and for many vampires, Hyde remains the personality for their entire lives; phasing out any good, Jekyll influences. But for Carlisle and the others, who have harnessed self control over the years, Jekyll is the ruling figure; the greatest source of control--"

"And you?" Bella asked, moving closer to me now. "Who's the greatest source of control for you?"

I took her hand in mine and placed in over my cold heart. "You have to understand, Bella, I didn't have quite the same…_upbringing_ as my adopted siblings. My beginning was something else entirely. I was born out of war, hate and death. I didn't know that vampires could exist without Hyde, without violence. So for almost a hundred years I embraced Hyde because… well, that was all I ever knew."

I took my free arm and placed it just below the surface of the water, twisting the limb so that a hundred different crescent scars lit up beneath the steam. Bella only stared blankly at my arm, unable to comprehend what she was seeing. She took a tentative hand and placed it across the scars, tracing her fingers across the raised skin.

"What…?" she asked slowly, glancing up to lock eyes with my own.

I shrugged lightly. "As I said, I was born into only violence, Bella. And _these_ are the evidence of all the Hyde's that I have met."

"…How did you," Bella began, taking her hand from my grip and pushing back her hair. "How did you stop, how is _this_--" she gestured to our proximity "--not more difficult?"

"It used to be," I said quietly. "When I first met you, on your first day, I wanted to kill you, Bella. God, I wanted to kill you so badly." She swallowed inaudibly, but otherwise did not interrupt. "You have no idea how close it was then. Even after that, Bella, when I'd left school that day, I sought you out, I _needed_ to have you. I was being controlled by Hyde, acting on urges that I had enjoyed for a hundred years-- Jekyll didn't stand a chance. On some small level, the _real_ me didn't want to hurt you, but like I said, one cannot make a decision that isn't influenced by the other, and when the other is a blood thirsty killing machine, the _good_ side of me couldn't do a thing."

Bella's mouth popped open like a fish as she tried to communicate her confusion, but words seemed to escape her.

"Something changed, Bella," I elaborated, swimming from the bench so that I was treading water in front of her. "The desires, or 'goals' if you will, shifted for Hyde. He began to see you as something more… _lasting_. Something more than a quick snack. You have no idea how lonely I'd been since my change of lifestyle, Bella. I was used to constant company; 'friends' from the South and a string of available women."

Bella shifted uncomfortably for a moment and her emotions tinged with jealousy.

"It was superficial, Bella. I never loved anyone, but I was used to instant gratification, to sex whenever I desired it. You have to understand, Hyde is not just violence, he's lust and passion and every burning desire rolled into one. So when I met you… well, Hyde began to see your potential as a means to end the loneliness, as a… a mate."

Bella glanced up at this and her emotions bounced back to curiosity; "a mate?"

I nodded slowly. "You see, Bella, when Hyde's priorities shifted from kill to preserve, there was no longer a desire to kill you. For the first time in my long life, both personalities wanted the same thing, so _this_--" I lent closer towards her so that our naked bodies were barely touching "--no longer has me struggling to stop myself from killing you."

Bella nodded wordlessly, but our proximity was causing her body to flush with arousal.

"_That_, however, your arousal I mean, does have me fighting to control myself."

Bella's face blushed pink and she bit her lip softly as she stared at me in confusion.

"That's the other bit that I've yet to mention to you," I explained, moving back next to her on the boulder. "As I said earlier this morning, special human 'abilities' are often transferred into supernatural attributes when humans are turned. For me, who was always rather charismatic as a human, I now have the ability to sense and change the emotions surrounding me, just as Alice has the ability to see the future."

Bella's eyes widened to a comical size as she sputtered out her words; "you can… you can feel what I feel… but that's… that's cheating! Oh God… I'm so embarrassed, don't look at me, please!"

I laughed lightly before sending Bella a sizeable wave of confidence. She shifted up suddenly and stared at me incredulously.

"It has it's benefits," I answered with a shrug. "But it also means that it's supremely difficult to master self control around you; case and point when I pinned you against the oak tree earlier."

Bella's face colored with realization as she took in my words. "I'm sorry, Jasper, really. God, that must be… I'm sorry, I'll try to control my… arousal around you."

I laughed again and captured her lips briefly in mine.

"…Even without the empathic abilities," I continued, stroking her flushed cheek with my fingers. "I'd be able to pick up your _excitement_ with my other senses… namely, smell."

Bella made a soft eep-ing noise before diving below the waters edge and surfacing at the other side of the spring. The brassy timbre of a strident saxophone erupted over the silence of the water and Bella glanced briefly towards her pile of clothes on the shore.

"My phone," she explained, swimming further from the ringing tone to where I was floating in the centre.

"You don't want to get it?"

"It'll just be Jess," she explained, gliding through the water in a delectable manner that made the pinks of her nipples stand out against her pale, alabaster skin. "She wanted to know if we could shop for the prom today or something and I told her I wasn't sure what I was doing today."

I gasped in mock astonishment; "I'm your secret lover, aren't I? You're just using me for sex and you'll never introduce me to your friends."

Bella laughed lightly before winding her fingers into my hair and kissing me deeply. My dick trembled slightly against her thigh and began hardening rapidly. She pulled away quickly.

"My bad," she said with a nervous laugh, untangling herself from our embrace.

I groaned at the loss of contact and she stilled almost immediately.

"…Is there something… I can do to, uh, help?"

My eyes snapped open at her suggestion and I was sure my dick was just as hard as the boulder behind us.

"I don't know how well that would… I mean, I don't want you to feel like you have to do something," I explained awkwardly, paddling over to the rocky bench.

"I… I don't," she replied shyly, following behind me to sit practically on my lap. "I… I _want_ to do something, Jasper, to make you feel the way you made me feel earlier."

I groaned softly as her hand landed tentatively on my upper thigh.

"Bella, please," was all I managed to rasp out as her fingers lightly touched the head of my dick beneath water. Even against the blistering heat of the scorching water, her touch burned.

"I don't have a lot of experience with this, Jasper," she announced quietly, wrapping her fingers around the throbbing length and squeezing softly. "I may need some help."

"Fuck, Bella," I swore, kissing her deeply and hungrily as I trembled with pleasure. "I'll do whatever you want, just don't stop what you're doing."

I groaned gutturally and placed my hand around hers, gripping it firmly. With long, even strokes, I guided Bella's hand along the length of my cock, trembling lightly with my desire. She glanced up to my face and I locked my eyes upon hers; now black with unmasked arousal. This was heaven and, fuck, it was hell. I stroked our hands along my shaft, gripping, squeezing and pulling lightly as I moved across the length. I could feel myself pulsing and throbbing in her hand, feel the dull ache building with momentum in my lower abdomen; a mass of tension coiled and waiting to spring free. With my free hand I lightly pulled Bella's head towards my own, thrusting my tongue deeply into her mouth as her hand began to move more strongly against my dick.

Across the spring, Bella's phone burst into song again and I swore roughly; cursing Jessica Stanley to the depths of hell.

I could hear Bella's heart pounding against her chest as I released her lips, and I moaned throatily as her hand palmed across the head of me. I was close now, so close to exploding in her hand. Bella's arousal peaked in the moment, and I realized, with much appreciation, that my arousal was getting _her _aroused. Her hand moved swiftly now, without direction, moving across my cock and gripping me around my balls.

"Fuck!" I shouted in astonishment, just as Bella's phone began it's third rendition Coltrane's 'Giant Steps'. "Bella, Bella, Bella, I'm so close. Please, please don't stop."

She began stroking me impossibly faster, gripping somehow tighter. I could feel myself pulsating with desire, feel my head swell even more in Bella's palm as she moved now with a sense of confidence. I grunted, groaned and moaned, swearing in Spanish which quickly turned into incoherent gibberish. With a few more long, hard strokes my body grew rigid and I thrust my hips forward in the water, growling with the animalistic instincts of my Hyde as venom burst from my dick and dissipated into the hot spring.

Pleasure gripped me in an almost unbearable manner and for the brief moments of silence that passed, I was sure I had died and gone to heaven.

Bella made a small coughing noise and I turned to face her, admiration and disbelief etched on my features.

"It was good?" she said in a small voice, though her face was full of pride.

"You…" I began, shifting in the water so that I could hold her, "were fucking brilliant!" I finished, kissing her softly now, but with no less enthusiasm than before.

She broke away after a moment and chewed on her bottom lip, still smiling.

"And Hyde and Jekyll are quite happy now?" she asked with a laugh.

"Fuck them," I replied, "all that's important right now is that _Jasper_ is unbelievably thrilled!"

She laughed again and despite that fact that she was wet, red and quite possibly sticky; she looked perfect.

"Jasper," she began, gliding through the water with a grace that I didn't think she possessed. "I was thinking…"

Before she could finish the thought, Coltrane erupted once again into 'Giant Steps' and Bella burst out laughing.

"She's persistent, that Jess," Bella mused with a smile, swimming away from the center of the spring to the edge of the pebbly shore. I watched as her glorious, shimmering body stretched on the shoreline, uncoiling each of her limbs before rummaging through her assortment of clothes. She pulled the phone from her jeans pocket and held it to her ear as Coltrane played his final tune.

"Hey Jess, sorry I was--"

Bella stopped speaking abruptly and I watched as her face crumpled softly in confusion. There was a high pitched voice on the other end; soft and bell like that spoke at a rate far higher than that of a human. A voice which I had learned every decibel and pitch of in recent years.

I knew the call was for me long before Bella mouthed the necessary "It's-for-you" and I swam to the shoreline rapidly, fear growing and hardening in my veins. The phone almost snapped as I held it to my ears, my hands now trembling with the fear of the unknown.

"Alice, what is it?"

"Where the hell have you been?!" she shouted without remorse, launching into a full blown attack on my inability to hear a phone ring. "And why the hell didn't you pick up _your_ mobile, dumb-ass!?"

I recalled this mornings events; my all-consuming anger at Alice and subsequent destruction of the phone.

"I left it in Forks," I answered quickly, squeezing Bella's hand as her emotions too dipped into confusion and fear. "Why? Alice, what's going on?"

"It's Peter and Charlotte, you fool!" she continued, screaming into the phone though I could hear Esme attempting to placate her. "I told you they were coming sometime between tonight and tomorrow morning, well guess what? Them and their unknown friend have arrived a little early!"

I murmured along, though I did not yet sense the danger.

"They're coming to _you,_" Alice elaborated, her voice turned low and sharp. "We have no idea when they've last fed, nor are we enlightened to the diet of their companion.

"Jasper," she said, serious now. "If they come across Bella's scent, they could--"

"I understand," I said quickly, realisation dawning as I snapped the phone shut and passed it back to Bella.

She stuffed the small phone back into her jeans pocket and glanced up at me, her eyes pleading. "Jasper, what's going--"

"Get dressed," I said rapidly, throwing my own clothes over my body in haste.

"We have to leave, _now."_

_

* * *

_**Okay, so I need an idea of how many people are still interested in reading this, so it would be much appreciated if you could leave me your comments?**

**Thank you x**


	21. The ‘Catchup’

**Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed the previous chapter. I replied to those with an account, but I'd also like to express my gratitude to the anonymous reviewers who took the time to leave me feedback.**

**From a nine month break between chapters, to five days; pretty good, haha ;)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**.

Chapter 20: The 'Catch-up'

I was a fucking idiot. An absolute fool who had allowed his anger to overcome his logic. Why the fuck had I smashed my phone? Why hadn't I taken the unrelenting ringing of Bella's mobile as something other than an idiotic school girl's persistence?

"Jasper, please," Bella puffed out, breathing heavily as I dragged her up the hillside behind me. I had thrown her clothes on hastily over her wet body and the fabric was now sticking in awkward patterns across her torso and arms. "What the hell is going on!?" she gasped unevenly, successfully pulling her forearm free from my grip.

I gave her a pleading look, and without another word, scooped her into my arms and continued carrying her towards the bike. She shivered softly in my grip; the combination of her soaking wet skin and my ice cold body pressed against her. Nonetheless, despite the cold and the waves of calm that I attempted to soothe her with, Bella began to thrash in my grip and shout expletives in my ear.

"My God, you're stubborn," I hissed softly, causing her to smack me with the full extent of her human strength. "Bella!" I groaned, twisting her so that she faced me. "I promise you, I will explain everything when I get you safely home. But right now, I need you to trust me."

Her dark eyes surveyed me silently for a moment, before she nodded reluctantly and ceased thrashing in my arms.

We reached the bike and I threw myself upon the saddle, twisting Bella's form behind me and shifting into gear.

"For the love of God, hold on to me tightly, Bella."

She nodded quickly and slipped the helmet on which I passed her, flipping closed the visor and locking her arms around my waist. The back wheel of the bike spun rapidly in the sludgy terrain for a moment, spraying mud across the trees behind us before freeing itself from the trap and rocketing the bike forward.

With lethal speed and direction, I tore through the foggy trees silently, pushing the throttle as far forward as it would go and attempting to placate Bella's nerves which increased with the speed meter. Bella's phone was now crammed snuggly in my jeans pocket which would alert me the moment that Alice foresaw an event that would warrant a hasty change of plan. Or direction. I continued to inwardly berate myself; unable to understand why I had relied solely on Alice's visions for the time of arrival of my _friends_. Of _course_ Charlotte and Peter would seek me out first, my family's size remained the most intimidating factor to them despite the fact that they had conversed on several occasions with the Cullen Coven.

Rain began to fall; hard and fast, pelting against my face as I swerved off the dirt track onto the main road. What the fuck was happening to Alice's visions?! Hadn't she predicted only cloud cover for today? The tires squealed against the slippery concrete, skidding down the highway as the roads grew more wet.

I wasn't far off now; perhaps ten minutes if I kept up my current speed. The rain began to weep across my face and I twisted the throttle once more as lighting cracked overhead. I could see the town; a tiny collection of wooden blocks in the distance, and the nerves and mind numbing fear which gripped me began to dissipate.

It would be fine. Peter and Charlotte were probably still--

"If it isn't my old friend Jasper Whitlock."

--twenty feet ahead.

The bike screeched with an ear splitting cry as I hastily applied the breaks; the scent of burning rubber making me cough and splutter at the fumes. Bella's heart pounded like a jack hammer against my back and her finger nails clawed through my jacket as the bike skidded across the road, pulling to a stop three feet from our sudden companions.

"…Quite an entrance," Charlotte mused, stepping closer to the bike as the wind whipped her white-blond hair around her face. "I was beginning to think you were avoiding us." She was holding Peter's hand, her bright red eyes dazzling in the darkened light. They shone like freshly polished rubies and my dread lessened just a little; pleased that they had fed recently. "Come now, Jasper," she continued, smiling so that each of her brilliant teeth shone like alabaster stones. "Let's not be coy, tell us who your fine friend here is?"

If it were possible, Bella's heart rate climbed higher and I bared my teeth in defiance; the harsh hiss of threat slicing through the silence.

Peter laughed, low and rich, before tightening his hold on Charlotte and bringing her back to his left side. "Jasper, friend, you know that neither Charlotte nor I would ever feed in Forks; we made this agreement years ago and we would never dare break it. Charlotte, I'm afraid, has simply never understood the expression 'curiosity killed the cat'." Both he and Charlotte laughed this time; a perfect harmony of soprano and bass. They were both calm, their emotions light and easy, but there was another persona; anxious and curious, yet unmistakably zealous, coming from behind the two mates. It was at this point that I first noticed the company of another; the unknown nomad that Alice had foreseen traveling with them. He was standing on the edge of the road, his wild eyes locked on mine. His emotions were wary as he took in my ravaged form; no doubt suspicious of the many scars which marred my skin. However, it was his eyes which I was most drawn to; an uncommon shade of bronze which I had never once come across on a vampire.

"Oh, now I see," Peter sighed, noticing the direction of my attention and misunderstanding my hostility as a reaction to the presence of their stranger. "How silly of me, I should have known you would react like this. Jasper, this is--"

"Perhaps we can continue these introductions _away_ from the main road," Charlotte suggested, gesturing to the wide expanse of highway which we currently occupied. "We can stop in town, if you'd like? Perhaps your human needs feeding, Jasper?"

I considered that for a moment. I was sure that Bella had now missed lunch, but I could not risk their presence in the town, nor a closer proximity to Bella.

"No, I'd rather drop Bella home first," I answered, throwing her a wave of calm and shifting back into gear.

"She has name, how wonderful," Charlotte smiled in earnest, laughing her bell-like laugh. "This is Michal;" she gestured to the man at the back of their group and he nodded his head once in conformation. "He doesn't speak much," she added.

"No, but perhaps we'll be able to speak more in depth about it all once Jasper knows his little friend is safe from the bad vampires," Peter teased, flashing his flawless smile and staring at Bella through her visor. "Shall we meet here again in, say, thirty minutes?"

I shook my head; "we'll meet at the house in half an hour and you can reacquaint me with your new _friend_--"

"And you can tell us all about yours," Peter agreed, smiling.

I nodded once.

"Fabulous," Charlotte approved, moving backwards towards the woods. "I must say, there is an awful lot to catch up on," and with those final words, she and Peter disappeared into the woods, leaving barely a foot print on the rain-soaked road. Michal stood motionless for a moment, still lingering in the shadows on the outskirts of the road, before giving us one final nod and shooting between the trees as rapidly as a bullet.

I released the unnecessary breath I'd been holding and pulled out Bella's mobile.

"Alice," I barked, the minute the dialing tone connected, "I need a favour."

She sighed audibly on the other end. "Yes, I know. Don't worry, I'll be there in ten."

She hung up, and I inwardly cheered at the fact that at least _some_ of her visions remained reliable.

Twisting my frame so that I could face Bella, I pulled off her helmet and kissed her long and hard; my hands tangling in her frazzled tresses. I ravaged her lips, thrusting my tongue into her warm mouth and kissing her with all the momentary relief I currently felt as the rain pelted against our faces. When I pulled back, she was panting; but her emotions told me she was still utterly pissed.

"Home," she said shortly, the rain plastering her hair against her face and neck. "And then you explain _everything,_ mister."

I nodded and she slipped the helmet back on, locking her arms around my waist and kicking the bike as though it were a horse.

I revved the engine once, checking to ensure it still worked after its recent debacle, before releasing the break and flying down the highway towards Forks. I was still unsure about Charlotte and Peter's presence in Forks; not to mention their elusive _friend_ who I knew little more about than his first name. His emotions had been energetic, but not volatile; however, his eyes were a clear indicator that he should not be trusted.

I saw Bella in my minds eye; bruised, broken and drained of blood, and I revved the engine further, eager to put distance between us and the trio of nomads. I would not risk Bella's life any further than I already had.

We swerved through the town quickly then, passing the small, matchbox houses and heading south/west down Bogachiel Way. Alice's scent was strong here, fresh and clinging to every tree. Sure enough, when we pulled into the drive outside Bella's weathered house, she was swinging languidly on a tree beside the windows.

"Try to act normal," I bristled, shifting the bike into park and turning the engine off. "Not many people sit around in trees while it rains."

Alice shrugged, pouncing lithely from the branches and dancing over towards Bella as she removed her helmet.

"You remember me, I'm sure," Alice said with a smile, taking Bella's hand in hers and all but lifting her off the bike.

"Yes, of course, you're in three of my classes, Alice. And even if you weren't, I doubt I'd forget you very easily."

Alice laughed lightly and Bella glanced towards me, her face openly expectant. "Jasper, we have things that need discussing," she said sharply, squeezing my hand in a manner she desired to be threatening.

I squeezed it back softly and gestured to the house; "whenever you're ready--"

"Yes, we're all very ready," Alice interrupted, bouncing towards the house and up the small, concrete steps. "But you have places to be, Jasper, vampires to amuse. So let's make this snappy shall we?"

We moved towards the house and Bella tugged on my hand roughly; "you are not leaving until I understand what's going on," she hissed in a whisper, moving into the front door and peeling of her soaking jacket.

"Bella, Bella," Alice sighed, "I know you and I are going to have a lot of fun together tonight, and anything Jasper doesn't explain to your liking, I will simply correct when he's left."

I stared disbelievingly at Alice, but Bella's emotions shifted from irritancy to contentment; clearly pleased with Alice's proposal.

"Okay, fine," I agreed, moving to sit in the living room. "Let's get this over with." I patted the spot beside me and Bella somewhat reluctantly sat down; twisting on the couch so that she faced me.

"First off," she said, tying her hair behind her head and pushing the strays behind her ears. "Why was I dragged away from a warm, pleasant spring and dragged up a hill half naked?-- which by the way, effectively ruined my otherwise perfect day."

Alice snorted quietly, but otherwise kept quiet.

"I am sorry about that, Bella," I answered, taking her hands in my lap. "I didn't want to leave either, but I couldn't risk Charlotte and Peter coming across your scent--"

"The people we just _bumped_ into?" she said soberly and I nodded once. "Okay, that brings me to question number two; who the hell are Charlotte and Peter?"

I sighed and pushed a hand through my hair, shaking the water from the ends. "Charlotte and Peter are friends of mine, Bella. Friends of mine from before, from my…"

"Hyde days?"

"Exactly," I said, placating Alice's sudden confusion with a wave of calm. "I've known Peter for over a hundred years, and Charlotte -his mate- for almost the same time. They visit here now and again, a sort of 'catch-up', if you will. But Peter isn't known for his self control, which is why I didn't want to risk _bumping _into them, as you put it, in case they hadn't exactly… _fed_ recently."

A moment of silence passed where Bella contemplated this, her dark eyes trained on a spot near the back wall.

"…But they still live as Hyde?" she considered, "so when you say 'fed' you mean…"

Her posture turned rigid then and she stared intensely at me, shaking her head softly in denial.

"Yes," I said slowly, answering her unspoken question, "their diets _differ_ to ours."

"Differ?!" she repeated, standing up from the couch and glancing between Alice and I. "When Peter said 'we don't feed in Forks' he meant, what, they don't _kill_ in Forks? What-- Jasper, how are you friends with these… these _murderers_?!"

"Some bonds are more easily severed than others," I said simply. "Besides which, Peter and Charlotte helped me at one of the darkest points in my unlife. If it weren't for them, I may not even be here with you today."

"And Michal?" Bella snapped, her emotions dipping from anger to disbelief and back again. "What redeeming qualities does _he_ possess?"

"Michal?" Alice interrupted softly, her aura clouded by confusion.

"The nomad you saw them traveling with," I explained, and Alice nodded once in understanding. "A man that I know nothing about," I continued to Bella, pleading her to comprehend. "I know you're upset with me, Bella. But there's honestly nothing I can do. They'll be a few days, maximum, and then they'll leave and won't be back for at least a year."

Bella seemed to hesitate at the edge of the coffee table; unsure of whether or not to keep arguing. However, after a moment she relaxed and sat down beside me again.

"Okay," she said quietly.

"Okay?"

She nodded, "I just wish they didn't have to be here."

I took her hand softly and kissed her knuckles. "I know, Bella, but I swear to you, if one of them lays even a fucking fingertip on you, I will destroy them."

She stared silently at me for a moment, her sharp, dark eyes surveying my face. "You will," she said quietly; confident and oddly calm about it all.

I smiled guiltily and stood up, pressing my lips lightly to her forehead. "Alright, I have some 'catching-up' to do. You'll be okay here with Alice?"

She smiled and Alice squealed with joy in the corner.

"We're going to have _so_ much fun, Bella!" she gushed, taking Bella's hand in hers and heading for the stairs. "Just you see, we're going to have a makeover, talk about boys and do all those things that girls are supposed to do alone!"

Bella laughed softly and then disappeared from view, taking with her the tiny morsel of sunlight on my now dreary day. I had nine minutes left until Charlotte and Peter would show up at the house; nine more minutes of anxiety and stress. I loped out the front door, locking it firmly behind me before sauntering towards my bike. How long would it be until I could see Bella once more? How long would I have to play host to my friends from the South? I could see Bella through her window now; her dark, messy locks being combed through by Alice. The shadows of a growing nightfall began to dance across her face and she seemed now, more than ever, to be my personal seraph.

I pushed the bike away from the curb and started the engine, thanking the high heavens that it roared to life without protest. It rumbled loudly by the side walk for a moment as I gave one fleeting final glance to Bella, before skidding down the road and out of sight. The rain was easing up now, and only the wind remained to whip the hair around my face. I had seven minutes now, seven more minutes to prepare my answers to the doubtless strew of questions which would be thrust upon me. _Who is she? Has she always she know who you are? What future do you have with her?_

…_Why are you with her?_

I attempted to ignore the nagging voice in my head that told me that these were my own questions, rather than the ones that Peter would pose. I had neither the time, nor the patience, to comb through the complex workings of my mind, so I simply ignored the voices and focused on the strident tunes of one of the major innovators of the free jazz movement of the 1960s; Ornette Coleman.

By the time I pulled into the driveway at home, kicking mud against Esme's withering rose garden, I was almost a third of the way through Coleman's third album; effectively having drowned out the voice of doubt.

"Coleman's '_Free Jazz'_" Edward noted, stepping aside as I moved into the garage. "Avoiding our own thoughts are we, Jasper? There must be better ways to do that than with 'I Got Rhythm'--"

"'Out of Nowhere', actually," I corrected him, shifting into park and turning the ignition off. "But then, you've always been more of a classical man yourself, Edward. Kudos for getting the correct album though; someone _has_ been doing their homework."

He ignored the dig but followed me into the house regardless, no doubt rifling through what present thoughts I possessed.

"They're not here yet, you know; Charlotte and Peter--"

"I'd be surprised if they were," I interrupted, walking swiftly through the lobby and up the stairs. "You know they don't exactly enjoy spending quality time with _the fam _without me."

He nodded his agreement to that, but continued following me as I moved into my bedroom; rummaging through my available clothes for a dry change.

"Was there some other reason why you were following me?" I jibed, shrugging off my jacket.

Edward rolled his eyes and leant against the door frame, "I was looking to have a conversation, Jasper. I'm terribly sorry that my presence causes you so much grievance."

"Oh no, by all means, stay and watch me get naked," I retorted, pulling my sopping shirt over my head. "To be honest, I always thought you had a bit of a soft spot for me, Edward. It _would_ explain the serious lack of girls over the years."

He threw one of my own shoes at me then; tearing the sole upon impact. I picked up the tattered shoe and clicked my tongue in disapproval.

"Alice is not going to be happy with you. She just bought these for me."

"Where is Alice, by the way?" Edward inquired, finally noticing the pixie's absence. "She and I were supposed to collaborate on these killings that are occurring all over Washington State. They're getting closer to Forks and we're supposed to be _investigating,_ so to speak."

I slipped on a fresh pair of jeans and shrugged into a loose t-shirt; "I sent her to Bella's. I don't want to leave her… _unprotected_ while Peter's other nomad is in town."

"Do you think it wise to leave Alice with her?" Edward said, concerned now.

"I-- well, I don't see why not," I replied, though his words were now causing me to envision a number of horrifying situations which involved Alice draining Bella dry.

"No, Jasper, I didn't… I only meant that perhaps it would have been more prudent to send someone like Carlisle, or myself."

I stared at him then, and I was sure that my incredulity was quite as evident on my face as it was in my thoughts.

"You think I should have sent you?" I repeated, and Edward nodded once as though it made all the sense in the world. "You?" He nodded once again. "Okay, allow me to phrase my disbelief in a statement that you can comprehend; you think that I should have sent my attractive, single brother to look after my stunningly beautiful girlfriend; a girl who, incidentally, is the only person in the universe that said brother cannot read the thoughts of?"

"Oh please, Jasper," Edward laughed, pushing a hand through his hair in an almost comically Bay-watch manner. "I have no intention of _stealing_ away your girl--"

"But the mystery holds some attraction, Edward. It always does. Are you honestly telling me you're not the least bit intrigued by her?"

He stared at me silently for a moment, his emotions indecipherable.

"Regardless, Jasper," he continued, avoiding my eyes now. "I only meant that I have had far more time to _hone_ my self control skills than Alice. Besides which, I would have thought you'd want Alice with _us_ tonight. After all, it would be rather useful, not to mention sensible, to have an idea of any future changes in regards to this trio of nomads. Or were your thoughts to full of Jazz music to think of that?"

I rolled my eyes and dashed past him, slamming his shoulder with mine on the way through.

"Knock, knock, anybody home?"

I loped down the stairs just in time to see the trio stepping in through the front door; exchanging obligatory words of greeting with Esme and Carlisle.

"Jasper!" Peter cried, his arms outstretched in welcome. I mirrored his stance and he laughed deeply, embracing me roughly in his grasp. "I take it the human has been taken care of, then?" he said after a moment, entwining his fingers with Charlotte's once more.

I nodded and guided them through to the lounge room, exchanging a brief nod with Michal before taking a seat on the chaise lounge.

"I must say," Charlotte announced, sitting with Esme by the large, bay window. "I was _very_ surprised to see you with a human, Jasper. It must have been, what, around a hundred years since you last took the company of a _human_ female? And that was always followed by desert." Her and Peter laughed then, their brilliant scarlet eyes dancing in the evening light.

Carlisle shuffled uncomfortably in his feet for a minute; a strained smile stretched across his face.

"How rude of me," I said quickly, shifting the emotional atmosphere from awkward to curious. "I should introduce my family to you, Michal. This is my father figure, Carlisle, his wife, Esme, and my brother, Edward." They each gave Michal a courteous nod respectively. "There are three more of us; Rosalie, Emmett and Alice, but they appear to be otherwise occupied at the moment."

"Hunting," Carlisle informed, gesturing to the pile of maps where Emmett had clearly marked 'BEARS' in bright, red texta.

"It's lovely to meet you," Michal replied, his low, baritone voice laced with an Italian accent. Now that I looked at him, it was almost too easy to see that he was clearly not a local. He was attractive; even by vampire standards. His dark, ebony hair and foreign ethnicity gave him the appearance of a permanent five o'clock shadow and I was sure that as a human he must have has a deep, olive skin tone that had been bleached by the venom of his maker. "I have to admit," he continued, unfazed by my blatant appraisal of his exterior character. "I had ulterior motives coming to visit Forks with Charlotte and Peter. You see, they told me of your diet and it _intrigued_ me, to say the least."

"Indeed," Peter affirmed, his emotions laced with sympathy. "Michal has had an unfortunate transition into his vampiric life. His creation was, well…"

"The result of a 'meal-interrupted'," Michal suggested with a dark laugh, gesturing to the ravaged wound on his neck which looked as though he had been mauled by a wolf. "I believe I was intended to be dinner, but who ever was feasting got disrupted a little early. Regardless, I haven't ever quite _indulged_ the kill the way my companions have."

Charlotte gave a short laugh, "that's an understatement. When we came upon you, you were feeding off the dead--"

"A far cry from feeding from the living," Michal retorted; his bronzed eyes fixed on his companion.

"Fascinating," Carlisle sighed in wonder, stepping closer to inspect Michal now. "I mean no disrespect, of course, it's only… I've never come across another vampire that sustained themselves on the blood of the dead."

"It kept me sane," Michal answered with a shrug. "Just barely."

"But you never considered the blood of animals?" Carlisle continued.

"Considered and rebuffed. I was under the impression that I would… what was it, Charlotte; 'shrivel up and die'?"

"Oh please," Charlotte laughed dismissively. "I was being facetious. Besides which, I've made amends for it, have I not? I taught you how to hunt and even brought you here."

Carlisle only stared in wonder, his emotions tinged by curiosity and disbelief. "So you've been feeding on animals recently then? That would explain your fascinating eye color."

Michal nodded. "Yes, I'm afraid the combination of the blood of animals and corpses is still working its way through my system."

"Do you mind me asking when? I mean, how long have you…"

"Seven and a half years. Four of which I spent with no one but my thoughts and the corpses which I fed from. I was changed when I was nineteen."

"You're so young," Carlisle breathed, and I too, was growing astonished by this character. "I am in awe of your self control, Michal. You're willingness to abstain from human blood."

"My childhood taught me the value of human life," Michal answered ambiguously, his emotions now laced in sorrow. "I knew from the moment I figured out what I was that I would not fit the stereotypical mould of a vampire. But it was not till I learnt of your family's existence that I ever thought any semblance of life was possible in this form."

Carlisle smiled graciously, but I could only gape at Michal in utter bewilderment. How was it that this _child_ had garnered more self control in seven years, than I had in over a century? It was impossible, but the evidence of his success filled me with hope. I had always assumed that one had to fight to abstain from human blood, but here Michal was, possessing a mere twenty six year life span and yet he had managed to refrain from such indulgences through sheer determination and the values he had upheld in his mortal life.

"Then we will help you, in any way we can," Carlisle announced; finishing the conversation that I had long since drifted from. "My family and I can teach you all that we know about this life--"

"And perhaps you can impart with us the ways in which you have achieved the level of restraint that you currently wield," I added, receiving a wave of approval from Carlisle. "Who knows, maybe you could--"

"Jasper," Edward said shortly, tilting his head only slightly towards the lobby. "Do you mind if I speak to you for a moment?"

I stared uneasily at him for a moment, unsure of what he was playing at. "Perhaps, we could finish up here first, Edward--"

"Please," he said quietly, his emotions ripe with worry.

I considered him silently for a moment longer, then excused myself from the others and moved into the lobby. Edward followed suit behind, walking past me and right out the front door.

Only when we reached the border of the woods did he stop pacing and spin to face me.

"This is not a good idea," he said quietly; his voice so soft that even I strained to hear the breathy words. "I can't _hear_ him, Jasper. Well, I can, but its indecipherable, it's like static."

"What are you talking about?" I hissed at the same decibel, taking his arm and leading him further into the woods. "Michal? You can't hear his mind?"

"That's not it. I _can_ hear his thoughts, but they're nothing, Jasper. It's the most frightening mind I've ever listened. It's hazy and black, like an untuned radio that occasionally emits a scream or a whisper, but I can't make it out. There's… there's _nothing _there."

I considered that quietly for a moment, unsettled by Edward's blatant fear. "Perhaps it's the blood," I suggested, attempting to quietly placate both his and my nerves. "As Carlisle said, we've _never _come across a vampire that fed on corpses to stay alive; we have no idea what that dead blood did to his mind."

Edward shook his head. "No, Jasper, there's something more to it than that. I don't trust him, I don't want him here."

"He needs our help," I retorted, thrown by Edward's refusal to offer assistance to someone who clearly needed it. "We're not inviting him into the family, Edward, only into our home, into our lifestyle. Would you not want the same thing if you were in his position?"

"How can you argue with me on this?" he spluttered in disbelief. "What about everything we've worked for here, he could destroy it! What about Bella--"

"Don't you dare try to use her in your argument," I snapped, my emotions clouded by my own fury and Edward's unconcealed bewilderment. "Regardless of what you can or cannot see in Michal's mind, he has proved that he has mastered self control, so who are we to refuse him further help? Besides which, I'm not placing Bella's life in further danger, Edward. I just won't bring her to the house when he's around. He may not even be here for long. A week, maybe more, but it's not like this is a permanent arrangement."

Edward continued shaking his head softly, his emotions clouded by mistrust. "This isn't right, Jasper, _he_ isn't right."

"Edward--"

"I know I'm right about this, if you could just…" His eyes snapped into focus then, fixed on some unseen element in his minds eye. "Alice, I'll get Alice," he said suddenly, already moving out of the woods.

"Like hell you will," I said roughly, taking his arm and dragging him back to the clearing.

"What's the problem, Jasper? You said it yourself, Michal's mastered self control--"

"Don't turn that back on me--"

"So it shouldn't be an issue," he finished, unfazed by my anger.

"…Don't do this," I pleaded quietly, "I don't want to leave her alone."

"Then I'll take her place, Jasper. Just let me send Alice back, let her have a look into Michal's future. You know she can't get a grasp on someone she's never met, so just… just introduce them, let her see if his future seems stable, and if it is, I'll leave it alone."

I groaned softly and tore a hand through my hair, pulling out strands of blond in my haste.

"Well?" Edward said, his eyes wide and imploring.

"No," I said quietly, releasing my grip on his arm.

"Jasper! You--"

"I'm not sending _you_," I clarified, moving out of the woods. "If you think there's something seriously wrong with this guy, then I'll take your word for it. I'll send Alice back and _I_ will take her place."

Edward opened his mouth to protest, but closed it once again and remained silently.

"Tell Charlotte and Peter that something came up," I instructed. "I don't care what, just make something up. Alice will be back in ten minutes, alright? In twenty minutes, I'm going to call the home phone. Make sure _you_ pick it up and then you can tell me if Alice has seen anything suspicious in Michal's future."

Edward nodded slowly, though his emotions revealed his disappointment.

"Twenty minutes," I repeated once more, before shooting off into the woods and hoping to God that Edward's fears would be proven wrong.

**

* * *

Alright, so the 50+ people that wanted Michal in the story got their wish. But, as we can already see, he's clearly not the exact character he was in 'Amor Prohibido'-- which is a lot more fun for me, haha!**

**Next chapter will be more Bella/Jasper centric, I just needed to get this out of the way so the plot can progress.**

**Let me know what you think? x**


	22. Surprise

**Once again, thank you to all the readers who reviewed with accounts, as well as the anonymous ones; 'tidereider' and 'wow!'**

**I was very happy how many of you were creeped out by Michal in the previous chapter, haha! **

**To Nia, I hope you find this chapter as edible as the last.**

**Warnings: Explicit sexual references, crude language, the usual…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Chapter 21: Surprise

When I arrived at Bella's house, soaked and frazzled by the wind and rain, the sun had long since set, and Alice's dainty silhouette was clearly evident through Bella's gossamer curtains. I stood silently on the porch step, wondering why the fuck she hadn't seen my decision to come back here and met me by the woods? A quick glance around told me that Charlie was yet to return from the police station, so there seemed to be no extra elements that could otherwise have distracted Alice from seeing what she would normally pick up on within a few seconds.

I rapped loudly on the front door, irritated by the many events which had disrupted my perfect morning. Within a few hours, I had gone from happy and horny to fearful and concerned; a change that had left me utterly and thoroughly pissed.

"Jasper?" Alice shouted from the top floor window, her emotions betraying her surprise. "That was quick, have they really left already?"

Since she didn't appear to be making a move to let me in at any moment, I sighed roughly and swung myself up the oak tree by Bella's window; slipping lithely through the open window.

"Where's Bella?" I said quickly, noticing her absence. "You didn't eat her, did you?"

"Oh ha-ha," Alice replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes and gesturing to the hall way. "She's gone to the bathroom, silly. I think the nail polish fumes made her feel sick."

Something crunched beneath my shoe as I stepped into the room, and I lifted my shoe to find a crushed beauty product embedded in my sole. Beside my foot, cosmetic products littered the floor, as well as every variety of candy known to man. "Christ, Alice, what the hell have you been doing to her?!"

"For your information, Mr. Whitlock," she sighed exasperatedly, tugging what appeared to be an eyelash curler from my shoe. "We've been having a _girls_ night, which technically means that you have to leave."

"No, actually, _you_ do," I replied, forcing Bella's window open wider and gesturing outside.

"Are you serious?!" Alice said in disbelief, a look of horror etched on her features. "I wasn't that bad, you can't kick me out! We haven't even finished talking about our feelings yet!"

I laughed softly and cupped my hand over Alice's mouth, silencing the building argument.

"I'm not 'kicking you out', Alice--"

"Like hell you're not--"

"Edward needs you," I said seriously, glancing briefly towards the hallway to ensure Bella was still occupied. "You misunderstood my presence here, Alice. Charlotte and Peter haven't left yet, in fact, one of them likes it so much they very well stay."

Alice stared at me silently, confusing clouding her emotions. "How's that now?"

"Michal," I elaborated, "the nomad they're with, he's… _different_, and he wants to learn all about how we live."

"You mean he wants to go vego?" Alice said incredulously, the humor evident in her eyes.

I looked at her silently for a moment, willing her to take me seriously. "He's young, only about seven years old as a vampire, but he's… he's never killed before, Alice. He sustained himself over the years by drinking from the dead."

She grimaced softly, "is that even possible? I mean, has Carlisle ever heard of anything like--"

"No," I said quickly, eager for her to leave. "Look, Alice. He's not _normal_, alright? Edward's having trouble with his mind and he wanted you to go over there and introduce yourself; see if you can pick up anything suspicious in his future."

"I don't know if I--"

"Just _try_, please," I implored, flooding her emotional aura with confidence and enthusiasm. "I don't want this guy hanging around if you think he's up to no good."

Alice seemed to consider this silently for a moment, before nodding quickly and heading for the window.

"I'm going to call in another ten minutes," I said quietly. "Make sure you've had a good snoop around him by then."

She nodded once more, before slipping into the darkness and out of sight.

What now? I could hear Bella shuffling around in the bathroom, her heavy foot steps reverberating loudly against the bathroom walls. Did I lie to her; tell her that all was fine and that I had replaced Alice as a simple precaution? Or did I come clean; admit that Edward was concerned with Michal's mind and gauge her reactions from there?

I punched my fist against Bella's bed in frustration, putting my hand right through the headboard in the process. All movement in the bathroom stopped abruptly and I could feel Bella's growing fear already.

"Alice? Is that you?"

I regrettably extracted my fist from the mahogany wood; scattering splinters across her bed sheets. "It's me, Bells."

"Jasper?"

She walked briskly into the room, a bathrobe wrapped tightly around her waist.

"Who else?"

She shrugged softly and came to inspect my hand. "I dunno know, it's just my dad's generally the only one that calls me 'Bells'." Her soft fingertips brushed across my unscathed knuckles then, sweeping the wood pulp onto the floor.

"How about Belly? Bellza? Izzie?"

She grimaced at the last name and glanced up into my eyes. "How about we just stick Bella, okay?"

I smiled and captured her lips softly in mine, sweeping my tongue across her bottom one to taste her.

"Mmm, cosmetics," I said with a laugh, brushing the lip gloss from my mouth.

"Alice went a little overboard," she replied, grabbing a wipe and rubbing off the last of the makeup. "But stop trying to distract me from the elephant in the room. Why did you put your fist through my headboard?"

I glanced over at the gaping whole in question. "I was, uh, a little… frustrated. Sorry, I'll buy you a new one."

Bella snorted quietly and sauntered over towards her bed. "I don't think that will be necessary." She tugged at the draw string on her robe and it feel to a heap at her feet.

Her blatant disregard for the placement of her clothes, however, was not what had caught my attention. What did, was the clothes beneath; or rather, the lack thereof.

"What are you trying to do to me?" I sighed, stalking towards her and pulling her taut against my body. "Do you have any idea what _this_--" I pulled at the red, silky night gown she had on "--does to my self control, Bella?"

She shrugged coyly, but her emotions were undeniably smug.

"Alice brought this, didn't she?" I said softly, gripping her closer to me now.

"She may have brought along a few bits and pieces," Bella answered airily. "Just a couple things she knew would get a reaction out of you."

"Well then," I continued, grabbing her hand in mine and cupping it over my now throbbing erection. "Mission accomplished."

Bella's cheeks stained red, but her hand remained over my hard on. She chanced a brief glance at me from beneath her eyelashes, before moving her hand softly against me and gripping down firmly. I hissed out in pleasure and her emotions swelled with pride.

"I… I should send Alice over more often," I said raggedly, sighing as her fingers danced across the skin above my jeans. "In fact, I think she should be allowed to come and go as she pleases."

Bella laughed softly then, before halting abruptly and removing her hand from my crotch.

I whined at the loss of contact and tried to pull her back into my embrace once more.

Bella knocked back my hand softly and grasped my chin so that I would look at her. "Why are you here?"

I couldn't help but flinch at the harshness of that statement, and Bella's emotions immediately filled with guilt.

"No, no, God… Jasper, I didn't mean to say it like that, I only wondered why you were back so early. I'm sorry, my inquisitive tone comes out somewhat bitchy most of the time."

I laughed quietly and her emotions flooded with relief.

"Are they gone then? Charlotte and Peter I mean?"

I shook my head, "no, they're, uh, just bonding with the fam for a bit. Alice needed to check something out, so I came and took her place-- despite the not so subtle protests of my brother."

Bella stared at me incredulously; "what do you mean?"

I rolled my eyes and smiled at the memory of Edward's insistence on taking Alice's place. "I don't know, really. I think Edward may be getting a bit of a _crush_ you."

"_What?_ That's ridiculous, Jasper. Why would he?!"

"You're completely right," I said dismissively. "I have no idea why he's attracted to you at all, I mean, you're just such an icky, little human. No appeal whatsoever. Can't think of one single thing that he would find attractive."

Bella grabbed her pillow then and beat it against my head. I laughed and toppled her onto the bed, pinning her beneath my weight.

"Blind Bella," I said, puncturing the words with lingering kisses against her face and neck. "Why wouldn't he be attracted to you? I'm not saying I relish in the idea of my brother pining over my one love, but its not exactly surprising. Besides which, you have the added element of mystery. You are the only mind in the entire world that Edward is unable to read."

Bella pulled back from my embrace, her eyes wild with disbelief. "Edward reads minds!?"

"Not yours," I repeated, attempting to distract her now with my own presence. I flooded her aura with desire -a low move, I knew- but it proved successful and she averted her attention back to me once more.

"Not mine," she answered breathily, moaning quietly as I licked from the junction of her jaw to her breasts.

"Where's Charlie?" I mumbled against her alabaster skin, tasting her before blowing coolly on the dampened skin.

"You're thinking about my dad right now?"

I chuckled softly against the fabric of her gown before balling it into my hands and tugging it from her form. "Not in _that_ way. I only thought it might be useful to know so we can ensure he doesn't walk in on you sweaty, naked and breathlessly screaming out my name in pleasure."

Bella flushed with desire and I continued my ministrations down her breasts, stopping at her darkened nipples to lavish them with attention. I could smell her arousal now and the effects were headed straight to my cock; increasing the uncomfortable strain against my jeans.

"Charlie's at… he's at La Push. He--" she mewed in pleasure as I softly kissed the outside of her panties "--he won't be… back tonight."

"You smell divine," I stated hoarsely, my throat thick with arousal. "I want to taste you, Bella. In fact I want to consume you. Will you let me?"

She glanced down at me, her eyelids heavy with desire and nodded slowly.

"I won't hurt you," I assured her, grasping the edges of her panties in my forefingers. "I won't--" I groaned out in pleasure at the sight that met me as I pulled down her underwear. She was bare; soft and silky and a completely heavenly. I glanced up at her, my expression that of awe. "When… when did you…"

"Alice," Bella answered quietly, biting her lip softly in a manner reminiscent of her five year old self. "I told you she brought some things to get a reaction out of you."

I nodded slowly, not really hearing the words. I was generally one who enjoyed a pussy au naturale, but this… this picture of art before me was like nothing I had ever seen before.

"Did it hurt?" I asked quietly, brushing my fingers against the silken skin as Bella shivered in pleasure.

She shook her head slowly, her eyes squeezed shut in anticipation. "She… she was very good. It was just like getting my legs waxed."

I nodded once more and leant forward to place a delicate kiss above her pelvic bone.

"Jasper, I've never, well, never had this done before."

"Good," I replied without an upward glance, focused on the prize before me. "Both your heart and your cunt belong to me, Bella."

Despite the crudeness of the statement, Bella's emotions flushed further with arousal and the wetness between the apex of her thighs increased at a tenfold.

"Christ, Bella, you're like a drug right now. You're arousal calls to me more than your fucking blood."

She whimpered softly and her hips rocked forward instinctively. I chuckled darkly and grasped her thighs in my hands. "Now, now. You don't want to rush me."

I pushed her thighs open with little protest and the scent of her desire hit me like a fucking demolition ball. I could only dimly recall the struggle I had endured to resist her blood, but I could not presently imagine it being more than my desire for her body. I leaned forward tentatively and swiped my tongue across her cunt before hitting her clit, causing her to cry out softly and crush the bed sheets into her quaking fists. She tasted divine; better than anything I had ever experienced in my entire life, and somewhere, in the still-functioning area of my thought system, I considered whether it would be possible to replace animal blood with Bella's natural juice. I leaned forward again, rougher this time, and plunged my tongue into her hot cunt; creating a symphony of moans and sighs from both her and I.

"Jas-per!"

She was panting now, her chest rising and falling with every stroke of my cool tongue. Each time I felt her arousal beginning to peak, I would sweep my tongue away from her clit and back to cunt. I could feel her building frustration with me, but also her growing arousal. I placed my lips over her clit then and kissed her softly. She sighed before crying out keenly as I sucked at her roughly. Her emotions peaked once more; her imminent orgasm teetering on the brink. However, I moved my tongue away once again and lapped at her juices, providing the littlest friction where she desperately craved it.

"Please… please, Jasper! You have to let me… I can't… I can't hold on!"

I laughed lightly against her and redirected my attention to her clit.

"Are you asking me to let you cum?" I whispered against her, sucking roughly on the bundle of nerves once again. She cried out in pleasure and her hands grasped my hair at the roots, pulling the blond locks into her fists.

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear an answer, Bella. Did you want me to make you cum?"

She nodded rapidly and all but forced my head against her pussy so that I would continue my movements.

"I'm afraid nodding is not an answer, Bella," I continued, holding my tongue steadily against her clit now, but offering no stimulation whatsoever.

"Fuck, Jasper!" Bella cried in irritation; _really_ cussing for one of the first times since I had known her. "I want you to make me come, okay!? Please, Jasper! Make me fucking come!"

I laughed once again and without pulling my mouth away from her swollen clit, pushed two fingers into her abruptly. Her cunt gripped me like a vice; quivering and squeezing my fingers as I moved them within her. With my free I pulled her closer towards me -and without hesitation now- sucked, licked and lapped at her clit like a man starved. As Bella's emotions flooded with a pleasure unlike any before, I twisted my fingers inside her towards that spongy spot I knew so well and the dam that held Bella's pending orgasm, burst open as the waves of pleasure rocked her body.

"Jasper!!!"

She screamed my name like a woman possessed, and I lapped up every bit of juice which flooded my hand; eager for the stream to never end. After a minute, however, the dams flow ceased and I reluctantly extracted myself from Bella's cunt to lie beside her on the pillows and stroke my hands through her matted hair.

Bella didn't look at me, but her expression was that of utter bliss. "That was… I mean, I've never felt _anything_ like that, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen."

My hand movements stopped abruptly in her hair and my unnecessary breathing cut off altogether.

Bella turned leisurely to face me, her expression utterly amused. "That'll teach you to stop me from orgasming," she said sweetly, smiling like a cheshire cat.

I pounced on her then, pinning her fragile body beneath my weight and stringing her wrists together in my left palm. "That wasn't funny," I said quietly, though the humor was evident in my expression.

"Yes, it was. I'm a very funny person. Alice told me all of your _real_ names, Mr. Whitlock. I figured I should showcase that knowledge in the appropriate manner."

I kissed her hard and fast, and she laughed against my lips, hitching one of her legs across my hip. I broke away from her and stared her dangerously in the eyes.

"You're going to pay for that, Miss. Swan. In fact--"

A high pitch ringing echoed throughout the house then and Bella sighed roughly in irritation. "Why are phones _always_ ringing when we're together!? You realize this is like the **fourth** time this has happened?"

I laughed lightly and jumped off the bed, passing her the delicate night gown once again. "I believe this one is my fault," I answered, only now remembering my arrangement to ring Edward. "Mr. Masen is not the most patient of fellows."

Kissing Bella briefly on the forehead, I dashed down the stairs towards the kitchen phone. I picked up the receiver and held it to my ear, eager now, to taunt Edward.

"What is it, brother? I have a wonderfully naked woman upstairs and I would like to return to her if you don't mind."

There was a moment of pause on the other end, before the voice came through loud and clear.

"This is police chief Charlie Swan here. What the hell do you think you're doing in my house?"

**

* * *

Ha!** **Anyone expecting that?**

**Very busy week coming up and I prob won't be near a computer for a while. Nonetheless, I would love to hear what you thought of the chapter? X **


	23. Phone Calls

**Sorry about the late update, I've just been flat out the last couple of weeks!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

Chapter 22: Phone Calls

My first instinct, foolish as it may seem, was to inform Charlie he had the wrong number and promptly hang up the phone. On further consideration, however, I realized that if he were to hit 'redial' on whichever phone he was using, the line would simply reconnect once again to the Swan residence; landing me in further trouble for lying about it.

Shit. Why had I just assumed that it was Edward on the other line?! Why didn't I--

"Are you planning on answering me anytime soon, you rotten pervert? Or should I just come down there and arrest you on the spot for trespassing?!" The phone receiver crackled with Charlie's blatant rage and I swore, just for a moment, I could practically feel his anger radiating down the line from La Push. "WELL?!"

"No, sir, I'm sorry, that-- that won't be necessary," I stammered out, wishing I was anywhere in the world right now but here. "I was just joking about the whole _naked_ comment, really! It was idiotic and immature, it's just--"

"You got a name, funny boy?"

"Well, I…" _Lie about it. Tell him you're Edward, or Emmett-- Somebody else!! _"My name is Jasper Hale, Chief Swan." …._Real stealthy _

There was a brief silence on the other end for a moment, and I clung to the desperate hope that the line had somehow disconnected. The moment passed, however, and Charlie's voice came through again; calmer this time, but still unashamedly heated. "You're a Cullen kid, aren't you?

"Yes sir, my father is Carlisle Cullen and my mother--"

"I didn't ask for your family tree, I was just making the distinction!" I visibly cringed then and contemplated beating my head against the wall for the momentary distraction it would deliver. "Now are you going to answer my first question or what," Charlie continued, his voice gradually getting louder and louder. "What the hell are you doing in my house?!"

Bella crept down the stairs then, her steps causing the rotted wood to creak beneath her feet. Her emotions were clouded with impatience and confusion, but her sudden presence caused me to sigh with relief.

"Since when did exhaling qualify as an answer, funny man?!"

I held the receiver away from my ear and gestured for Bella to step forward; waving my hands frantically like a child attempting to shift the blame onto another.

"What?" Bella mouthed, taking the phone in her pale hands and covering the mouthpiece with her palm. "Who is it?"

"Okay, don't freak out," I said calmly, pushing a wave of tranquility into her emotional aura. "But I may or may not have presumed the person ringing was Edward and proceeded to make a comment about wanting to return to a wonderfully naked woman waiting upstairs…"

Bella's face flushed scarlet with a combination of rage and embarrassment. "You did _what_?!? How could you-- what? Who the hell _is _on the phone?!"

I began gnawing at my lip in trepidation and took a step backwards. "It's your father."

"WHAT?!"

Bella's voice reverberated loudly against the kitchen walls and she paced towards me, her eyes wild with disbelief. The phone crackled with fury once again as Charlie continued his argument; oblivious to the fact that neither Bella or I were listening.

"Jasper?!? Why would you--"

"I should probably _also_ mention" I interrupted, moving backwards towards the steps. "That he's _really_ pissed right now and making him wait will likely only add fuel to the raging inferno that is his ire."

Bella's mouth spluttered open and closed like a fish out of water as I made a phone gesture with my hand, but she held the receiver to her ear regardless; her face still flushed with her emotions.

"Dad?" The phone buzzed loudly with Charlie's response and Bella shook her head at me sternly, mouthing 'I'm going to kill you' repeatedly. "No, Dad, that's just Jasper," she continued, twirling the phone cord around her fingers in unease. "He was just-- Dad! No I-- I _wasn't _naked!" The phone buzzed loudly once again and Bella sighed roughly in irritation, banging her head lightly against the refrigerator.

The conversation continued like this; Bella arguing her innocence of being naked and Charlie berating her over who, where, why and what I was. I slunk against the stairs, burying my head in my hands and questioning why my success with woman seemed to be failing me?

"No, Dad, I am not!"

Bella's sudden retort shook the silence and I glanced up to see her face bright pink, and her emotions highly embarrassed.

"Well fine! How's Sunday?!"

I heard Charlie's disgruntled reply on the other end, his agreement blatantly forced. I attempted to pick up on what they were arguing, but their back and forth banter left little to be understood. Finally, after seven more minutes of painful bickering, Charlie seemed to accept defeat on the topic and Bella visibly sighed in relief.

"Okay, good. I'll see you soon Dad, bye."

Bella hung up the phone and turned to face me slowly, her face frighteningly calm. She took seven carefully placed steps towards me until she was looming over my crouched form and staring into my eyes.

"Jasper Whitlock," she said sternly, her chest rising and falling with her breaths. "If you ever, and I mean _ever_, do anything like that again, I will rip out your spine and beat you to a bloody pulp with it."

"You'd make quite a vampire--"

"I'm serious."

"I know," I said softly, taking her hands in mine and pulling her onto my lap. "And I am sorry. I was being stupid, I just wanted to provoke Edward and I didn't realize--"

"Why would you even _think_ it was him calling?!"

"Because I said that…" I stopped speaking then as I realized I had once again neglected to ring Edward and check up on Michal's mind. "Shit, Bella, can I use the phone?"

"Why? You wanna ring Charlie back and tell him your going to violate me in his office?"

I snorted quietly and headed back to the kitchen, punching in the home phone number and waiting for the line to connect. "I will explain everything," I vowed to Bella, "I just need to check up on something first, okay?" She rolled her eyes, but nodded as the phone began to ring. It connected almost immediately and Edward sighed melodramatically before speaking.

"What happened to ten minutes, Jasper?"

I smirked softly, all thoughts of Charlie disappeared. "Well, Edward, I decided to eat Bella out first and I guess I just lost track of time from there."

Bella made a sound between a cry and a scream and pummeled me roughly with her fists, tearing at my shirt.

"Relax, Bella, he knows I'm joking!"

"Actually, Jasper, I think you're unequivocally serious."

I laughed haughtily then and leant away from Bella, facing into the kitchen. "Good, because I am."

"Enough, brother, do you want to hear what Alice has seen or what?"

"Sure, sure. What has our dear sister seen in Michal's future?"

He sighed irritably once again and I could almost hear him squeezing the bridge of his nose.

"It's hazy, Jasper, just like when I try to read his mind; she can't get a solid grip on him."

My humorous façade faded then as I sensed Edward's seriousness. "But Alice saw him," I reasoned, attempting to riddle holes into the evidence. "She saw him traveling with Peter and Charlotte--"

"No, Jasper, she saw a _figure_ traveling with them; one that she sensed was male. Beyond that she knew little else."

I opened my mouth to argue further, but realized he was right; Alice had never been privy to any details other than Michal's gender.

"That's not all, Jasper. It seems Michal's very presence has 'thrown a spanner in the works', so to speak."

I glanced over to Bella, whose posture was now rigid with concern. She stepped slowly towards me and slipped her gentle hand into my own, squeezing it softly in comfort.

"It seems that Alice's ability has been _affected_," Edward continued, speaking quietly now. "There are certain elements, many small, that Alice is foreseeing incorrectly."

I thought of my irritancy with Alice earlier; my frustration over her inability to predict the correct weather or my decision to return to the Swan residence.

"So, what?" I mused, holding the phone tightly in my palm. "He's throwing her off? We're blind?"

"Not blind, just… muddied up until he leaves--"

"But he wants to stay! Edward, you heard him, he's going to learn about our lifestyle; that could take weeks! How are we supposed to function without Alice?"

"Jasper, its not that bad," Edward said rationally, now having completely changed his argument from our earlier discussion in the woods. "Alice still sees things, there are just minor elements affected by him. Besides which, as _you_ pointed out earlier, who are we to reject his pleas for help?"

I attempted to think up a cunning retort to that statement, but realized he was right; Michal only wanted help. Was it his fault that his mind was hazy to Edward, or unclear to Alice?

I glanced towards Bella then and brushed a stray hair behind her ear. It was no more Michal's fault than it was Bella's for having an unreadable mind.

"Jasper?"

"Yeah, I'm hear," I said quietly, tracing the outer edge of Bella's lip with my forefinger. "But this doesn't make sense, Edward. Why would he affect both yours and Alice's abilities but not mine? I managed to get clear readings of his emotions!

Edward seemed to consider that quietly for a moment. "…I don't know. I don't have the answers for everything, but you've certainly raised a good point."

"So what's the plan then?"

"Plan?" Edward repeated, "we're not plotting to take him down, Jasper. As far as we can see so far, he's a pleasant individual with a messed up mind, but we're sticking to Carlisle's promise. We _will_ help him for as long as he requires it."

"And what exactly does that entail?"

"Well, first off, it would involve _you_ coming home for once!"

I rolled my eyes and Bella laughed softly at the gesture, tucking her head under my chin and wrapping her delicate arms around my waist.

"Why Edward? So you can replace me on Bella-watch and spend the night hitting on my girlfriend?" Bella glanced up at me disapprovingly, but otherwise did not release herself from our embrace. "Besides which, its late, she's tired, your inexperienced; you wouldn't stand a chance."

I heard Edward's scoff quietly and I laughed out loud at his arrogance.

"My, my, Edward, someone _is_ persistent--"

"Please, Jasper. Your paranoia is really quite mistaken. I'm merely concerned for the girl--"

"And curious," I interrupted with a laugh, "don't forget curious; the mystery of the mind!"

"Oh please, I can't read Michal's mind either and I'm not hitting on him!"

"All good things in time--"

"Enough!" Edward groaned and I smiled at how easily I could irk him. "Are you going to come home or not?"

A pair of headlights rolled into the driveway, illuminating the kitchen for a moment before cutting to black. Bella's arms stiffened around me, before she pulled away quickly and stared wide-eyed into my face.

"Charlie?" I mouthed and Bella nodded swiftly in agreement. "Well, will you look at that Edward," I said rapidly, "looks like I'll be home sooner than you thought." I hung up the phone then and raced towards the stairs, dragging Bella behind me. We dived into the bedroom just as Charlie's keys slid into the front door. "Did you know he was coming home?" I hissed quietly, grabbing my things off the floor and heading for the window.

"Well, yeah," she said with a grimace, hoisting the window open wider. "I meant to tell you, but then you were all 'I'll explain everything, Bella', and you distracted me!"

Her poor imitation made me laugh and I kissed her briefly on the mouth before hoisting myself onto the window ledge.

"Bells?!" Charlie shouted, his rough voice carrying itself up the stairs with ease. "You hear?"

Bella rolled her eyes and kissed me once again, wrapping her fingers into my hair. "Thanks for tonight," she said with a small blush. "I had fun."

I laughed lightly and cupped her cheek in my hand. "Me too. I'll speak to you tomorrow, okay?"

She nodded and smiled, shutting the window behind me as I landed softly at the base of her house. I could see Charlie's silhouette through the curtains, holding what was undoubtedly a shotgun of some kind over his shoulder. Was he really that protective of his daughter? I answered the question internally before I had even finished forming it; of course he was. She was his only family, the one bright star on an otherwise dreary night; he had every reason to want to protect her.

I jumped lithely away from the drive, moving through the street rapidly and heading for the woods. On the outer edge, however, I ran into Edward; leaning casually against a large, oak tree.

"Edward," I sighed, pushing past him and moving deeper into the trees. "You're so… _weird_."

"I wanted to check everything was okay," he replied nonchalantly, following me closely now. "You hung up quite abruptly, I didn't know what was going on--"

"And you jumped at the opportunity of maybe bumping into Bella," I said quickly, spinning to face him. Edward only stared silently at me, his face utterly calm. "What is it about her, Edward? Why won't you let this go?"

His eyes flickered to his feet before carefully glancing back up to mine. "She's _different_, Jasper. She's not like the others."

I held back the retort I wanted to bark back and clenched my fists by my sides. "She is _mine_," I said slowly, moving closer now until I was a hair breadth away from him. "You listen to me, Edward. I've been rather complacent about this ridiculous infatuation of yours, but this is where it ends. She's not interested, Edward, and if you ever try to fucking touch her or even speak to her I will rip out that pretty boy hair of yours and strangle you with it."

He stared me off for a minute, his rich, golden eyes dancing in the moonlight.

"Are we clear?" I said quietly, moving my fingers to grasp at a few strands of hair from his fringe. He nodded slowly. "Good," I continued, before ripping off into the forest.

This was getting absurd, why was Edward so fucking persistent? Did he honestly think he had a chance?

"I don't," Edward answered quietly, keeping pace with me now. "She loves you, Jasper, I know that. But I can't help who I'm attracted to."

I growled, low and deep, and pushed myself further; attempting to outrun Edward.

"I am sorry, Jasper," he said again, his speed much greater than mine. "I didn't mean to be quite so… _weird_, it's just--"

"Edward, Jasper."

We both stopped abruptly at the coolness of that statement; the chilling and almost too-calm tone of voice. Michal stood silently at the edge of the forest, lining the border between the Cullen property and the Olympic National Park. He smiled, honest and bright, but there was something underneath that perfect grin; something hostile and unspoken.

"Michal," I said in greeting, walking slowly towards him. "What are you doing here?"

His head twisted to face me, the smile still intact. "Just sussing out the area I suppose."

I nodded, glancing towards Edward. _Let's get him inside- now!_

Edward's head lifted slowly and dropped again; giving little acknowledgment to Michal that he was answering my internal question.

"Michal," Edward said kindly, "why don't we go inside? If you're going to be staying with us, we'd best find you a room?"

Michal's eyes danced lightly with happiness; but below that base level emotion there was something else, something strangely glad and arrogant.

He was reveling in it; celebrating his success.

**Sorry this chapter's pretty short…**

**ATTENTION READERS:** **I'm going on holiday today for the Christmas break. I'll be gone for a few weeks, which means mini hiatus for the story. I'll be back mid-January though, and I'll **_**try**_** to get an update between.**

**Till then, MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR x**


	24. The Threat

**So yes, this is a few weeks late- I'm very sorry. Holiday got prolonged and then I had to deal with University things; excuses, excuses…**

**But, here's the next chapter. We're on the home stretch now; there won't be too many left.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Chapter 23: The Threat

Desire was something no man alive could accuse me of being unfamiliar with. I knew the many tugs and jerks of lust; the incomprehensible pull and ache of longing; and the burning need and want for the unfamiliar. The equation for such, I had discovered, was quite simple:

Desire brought pleasure. Pleasure brought distraction. And distractions carried the momentary illusions in which one imagined that those things desired could be enough to satiate their appetite.

But reality's a bitch…

And the bitch is gonna break you.

"Jasper, we're going again. Eyes up, man, get it together!"

I bit back my retort to Emmett's remark and prepared myself, once more, for the onslaught of Michal's desire. We been 'training' him for the past week now, and while he had shown remarkable restraint and skill when it came to the hunt, he had been considerable weaker when it came to man's greatest test;

Women.

Consequently, I had been forced to deal with not only his desire for the animals we sought, but my sisters' affections also. When I listened to the logical half of my brain, I could understand his lust perfectly--after all, I too had battled to keep my desire in check when I'd first made the move to the Cullen household. However, the irrational, frustrated, lustful side of my brain, which was suffering all the pangs of Michal's lust with no gratification at the end, chose to ignore reason and focus solely on feeling utterly pissed at the situation.

"Focus, Michal!" I commanded as he divided his attention between a wild boar ahead of us and the state of Alice's ripped hunting attire. "You're not going to get any better at this if you can't even focus on one fucking thing!"

His emotions flushed with a combination of embarrassment and remorse, but I dismissed the guilt with a wave of my own irritancy. The past week had not been a pleasant one, and I was far from the only one exhibiting signs of weariness.

The recent pattern of killings in the Washington state area had grown increasingly higher, and while the unseen force had yet to directly hit Forks, Carlisle had deemed it necessary for each of us to take turns in 'sussing out' the murder-afflicted towns. As a result, I had been forced to take leave from Bella for almost 46 hours while Edward and I had poked around at least a dozen different corpses for signs of which vampire, or vampires, were causing such an ordeal. Michal, too, had taken leave from Forks for almost two days at the beginning of the week, only to return on Wednesday claiming that he'd visited Seattle to investigate the number of missing persons and irregular deaths.

To make a bad week even worse, the Volturi had played their illusive 'invisibility card' so to speak, and were now all but unreachable on the matter-- a decision, Carlisle suspected, which reflected their desire to bring our coven's numbers down.

But the cherry on the proverbial shit-week sundae had arrived just today; in the form of an all-night training hunt in the Olympic Park to test Michal's reactions to human and animal scents--thus, effectively fucking up any Saturday night plans I might have had with Bella. Charlotte and Peter had left Forks the day before, and it now appeared that Michal's plans to stay were heading in a more semi-permanent direction.

"How's he dealing with it?"

I shrugged noncommittally as Carlisle moved to stand beside me, his usual marble smooth expression marred with worry. I knew that the array of this weeks events were having the greatest toll on my father figure, but -as it always was with Carlisle- he was choosing to presently focus on helping everyone other than himself.

"His desire for the pig," I began, throwing Michal a wave of my anger, "is _nothing_ in comparison to his desire for a good fu--"

"That's enough, Jasper."

I scoffed softly to myself, but said no more on the topic.

"He reacted well to the human scents," Carlisle remarked to no one in particular, "_especially_ to the dried human blood by the oak."

I nodded. "I'm not questioning his bloodlust, Carlisle. There's no doubt he can muster a hell of a lot more restraint than even I can-- and he's a fucking child!" Carlisle bristled at my language, but otherwise did not interrupt. "All I'm just saying is that desire -in any form- is hard to resist, and if he can't control his _feelings_ towards the women in this house hold, how can we truly ever trust his control to withstand human blood?"

Carlisle shook his head and turned to face me. "We can't ever completely trust him--"

"_Exactly_!"

"--Just as we can never completely trust you, Jasper."

I took a step back. "That's completely different."

Carlisle shrugged his shoulders, "it's _trust_, Jasper; its all the same. Everyone one of us can master self control and awareness. We can each make everyone _believe_ that we'd never intentionally slip up, but in the end, we have just about as much trust in Michal as we all have in each other." I reluctantly met his eyes. "We _can't_ trust, Jasper. We can only hope and believe that we all have the strength to see our struggles through."

I looked away from Carlisle to where Michal had corned the boar between himself and a large cliff face. "Belief," I repeated quietly, watching the boar live out its final seconds in fear. I turned back to Carlisle just as the animal cried out in pain. "So you want me to try believing in Michal's ability? _Hoping_ that he can pull this lifestyle off?"

Carlisle smiled, "it wouldn't hurt."

"It might," I rebutted, "you know, because of this little affliction that I suffer from?"

"Which one is that?" Edward interjected, moving up the slope towards us with a handful of clothes in his arms. "Maybe your '_I'm-a_-_cynical-bastarditis' _?"

"Why yes, Edward," I smiled tightly, "it is! But I'd take bastarditis any day over your '_I'm-a-flaccid-neutered-virgin-in-love-with-my-brothers-girlosis._"

"That sounds nothing like a disease!"

"Oh, and cynical-bastarditis does?!"

"_Enough_, children!" Carlisle reprimanded, rubbing his eyes roughly with clenched fists. "Edward, if you've got all the articles of human scented clothing, you can go back to the house. Jasper, you stay behind and bring Michal back with you. I'm going to get the others in and then we are all going to sit down and discuss strategies for identifying this recent threat--" Edward and I both groaned "--with _no_ complaints."

Carlisle moved away without another word and Edward turned to do the same.

"Not so fast, Eddie," I said quietly, grabbing him by the shoulder. "I'm sure Bella wouldn't want _these_--" I plucked a few of her clothes from Edwards arms "--going into the sick Bella-centric shrine that I'm sure you must have created in your cupboard. God knows what you'd do with them. Besides, it's imperative that she have all her things back tonight, and as I'll be heading over later anyway…"

Edward scoffed disapprovingly and tore himself from my grip, shooting towards the house as his emotions burned with irritation and anger.

I snickered softly to myself as I examined the silky panties that I had taken from him. I had snuck them into the bag of human clothing for training Michal as a means to piss Edward off and they had worked all too well.

"Jasper."

I spun quickly to find Michal standing not two feet behind me. "Shit, Michal, what are you a fucking ghost?! How the hell can you move _that_ quietly!?"

He laughed lightly but his eyes remained neutral. "I wanted to apologize," he began, circling me slowly as he moved. "I know that you can feel my attraction to your sisters and for that, I am sorry. It's just," he stopped pacing to sigh somewhat dramatically and curse beneath his breath, "I am _male_, Jasper, I can't help it sometimes, and I hate that you have to put up with it, but I'm afraid--"

"I'm gonna stop you there," I said quickly, placing a hand on Michal's shoulder to balance him. "I really don't care who you're lusting after in this house, as long as the lusting is just fantasy. What I _do_ care about, is the fact that you can't seem to separate your feelings long enough to focus on more important things, such as the hunt."

"But I did _well_ today!" he said vehemently, "I was--"

"Excellent," I finished. "But that's not to say that you'll always be excellent. You have to learn to focus, Michal, it may sound corny and overrated but its one of the most important things if you want to come out of a fight unscathed." His eyes flickered to my arms and chest, the pupils darting rapidly from scar to scar. I took a step back and sighed roughly; "Yes, well, as you can see, sometimes focus isn't always enough to come out _completely_ unscathed."

Michal's eyes darted back to mine and he grimaced with remorse. "I didn't mean to stare."

I shrugged, "I suppose it's hard not to when you don't know how I got them."

For the briefest moment his emotions flushed with something akin to guilt, but in the next second it was gone; swallowed up by a wave of acceptance.

I held his stony gaze for a moment longer, and when the guilt did not return, turned to move away.

"One more thing, Jasper," Michal said quickly, shooting around the path to stand in front of me. "I know my presence here has affected your relationship with the human girl--"

"_Bella_!" I snapped, seeing red. "Her name… is Bella."

"Yes, Bella," he continued, smiling tight-lipped. "But I wanted you to know I'd be quite _restrained_ around her, so there's really no reason you should keep her away from here at all times--"

"There is _every_ reason," I hissed, now radiating rage at Michal's words. "You think I'm going to endanger her life by bringing her around you!?"

His head tilted only slightly to the left as he regarded my blatant anger at his proposal, before he lifted his hands in surrender, smirked, and moved towards the house without a word.

I took a few unnecessary breaths, flooding my lungs with air, before I flipped my new phone out and begun dialing Bella's number in.

"Yeaahhh, I wouldn't do that if I were you, Jazz." Alice bounded up the path lightly towards me, interlocking her arm with mine and flipping the phone shut. "I can tell you right now, if you go running off to Bella, Carlisle is going to be seriously pissed when you get back."

I contemplated merely shrugging out of Alice's grasp and bounding off to Forks, but the prospect of a seriously pissed Carlisle when I returned home was enough to make me hesitate.

"That's a good boy," Alice said patronizingly, patting me softly on the head. "Carlisle has been through enough this week without adding a petulant son to the list."

I rolled my eyes at Alice but allowed her to walk me down the path towards our home. After a few minutes of silence I breached the question that had been bugging me all night; "What do you think of Michal?"

Alice shrugged disinterestedly but her emotions peaked with curiosity. "He seems pretty nice, and he's clearly harnessed a lot of self control what with all his feeding on the dead…"

"But?"

Alice smiled. "…But, I don't know, the whole not-being-able-to-see-him thing kinda irks me, _and_ the fact that while he's here I'm reading things all wrong in my visions."

I nodded slowly, considering that. "But other than that, you think he's an okay guy?"

"Yeah," Alice said brightly, relinquishing her grip on me as we moved through the front door. "I think he's a good guy who just doesn't really understand the social dynamic of a group so well. Which, I guess, is understandable considering he was on his own for so long."

"Of course," I replied, understanding dawning on me now at the reason for Michal's somewhat awkward social graces. He'd been living by himself for almost a decade, the only company being the corpses that he fed on. So why was I taking everything he said or did as a sign of his impending turn to evil?

"Alice, Jasper, how lovely of you to join us," Carlisle said slowly, his eyes more bruised and bagged than ever. I felt a twinge of pity for my father now, and his constant desire to be the leader that our coven so desperately required. Our inability to find whoever or _what_ever was behind the recent attacks had taken a serious toll on Carlisle, and he was now fraught with worry that our numbers would dwindle if we did not identify the threat soon.

Alice and I moved through the lobby, taking our seats around the dining room table as Carlisle dumped a number of maps and notepads on the counter. Esme placed her hand over his slowly, and only then did Carlisle take his seat at the head of the table; surrendering just a little of his anxiety and unconcealed trepidation.

"Alright, now that we're all here we can get down to business." He moved three of the maps down the table, passing one to Alice and I, Michal and Esme, Rosalie and Emmett, and--

"Where's Edward?" I asked, only now noticing his absence from the room.

Carlisle glanced up tiredly. "He went to drop off the rest of Bella's clothes. He said you'd told him it was imperative that she have them all tonight."

"_What_?!" I barked, slamming my hands on the fragile glass counter top as I stood.

"Jasper, please," Esme implored quietly, her soft, golden eyes wide with pleading. "He just went to drop a few things you didn't already take, he'll be back within the next half hour."

"I didn't even take anything to her yet!" I replied, my rage unabashedly clear. "He's just gone there to piss me off, the little shit! I'm going to--"

"ENOUGH!" Carlisle bellowed, kicking out his chair and shouting perhaps for one of the first times since I had met him. "You can measure dicks with Edward later, Jasper, but right now you need to concentrate! You see this?!" He held up his own map of the Washington state, dozens of red crosses marring the area. "These are the amount of people who have already died because of some volatile vampire on a killing spree! And you see _this_--" he gestured to the trail of crosses that seemed to point straight at Forks, "--this shows us that someone, or someones, is clearly on their way here; to our home, possibly with the idea of a battle in mind! You want to chase after Edward now in some macho attempt to protect Bella? Fine! But just you remember this moment in a week, or a months time when there may be no one there to protect anymore."

I stood silently for a minute or two, torn between my desire to decapitate my so called brother, and alleviate the weight of stress and panic from Carlisle's shoulders. After a moment, however, I dumped myself back in my chair; causing the back rest to split in two.

"Thank you," Carlisle breathed out, pulling himself closer to the table once more. "Where was I…"

For the next half an hour, we collaborated on every single piece of evidence pertaining to the killings; attempting to identify and locate where the killer may be. And for every minute of that half hour I glanced towards the front door, waiting for Edward to walk through so that I could beat him within an inch of his un-life.

"I don't think you're right, Carlisle." I glanced up to find Rosalie hunched over the maps, more deeply concentrated than I had ever seen. "We're not dealing with a group," she continued, circling a section outside of Seattle. "Emmett and I visited Tacoma, and every body we found had been drained in the exact way. A clean slit across the neck and very minimal bruising. It was almost as if the person wasn't even feeding, they were just making a trail of bodies for someone to find."

"The one's outside Yakima were the same," I added, glancing once more towards the door. "Every body had a clean slice through the neck with minimal other signs of trauma."

"Vampire serial killer," Emmett deduced, pointing at the killer's starting point outside Richland.

"It doesn't make sense," Carlisle said slowly, tearing a hand through his matted hair. "Why would a vampire attempt to garner this much attention to themselves; surely they would fear the Volturi's retribution."

"Unless they _are_ the Volturi," Michal suggested, his emotional aura buzzing with excitement. "Maybe they're--"

"They're not the Volturi," Alice interrupted. "I would have seen--"

"_Would_ you?" Michal replied, growing strangely nervous now. "I thought my presence here was having an effect on your visions, I thought that you were blind?"

"Not to everything. Not to something like this. The reason I had so much trouble seeing you was because we had never met, there was no solid connection. It's the same reason I haven't been able to correctly predict, say, the weather, there's no solid link. And while I may have been able to see it perfectly before, your presence is causing a few wrong predictions. But the _Volturi_," Alice stressed, locking eyes with Carlisle. "The Volturi I _would_ have seen, I know it."

Carlisle nodded. "I don't think it's one of the Volturi. But that doesn't discount the theory that whoever this is doesn't have some sort of deal with them. I can't see why else they are so willing to overlook what is happening."

"So what are we going to do?" Emmett asked, leaning back casually in his chair.

"I don't know," Carlisle replied. "But we've been at this long enough now and we need a break." I glanced up towards the clock; it was almost midnight which meant that forty minutes had now passed. "We'll re-strategize again Monday--"

"Why not tomorrow?" Emmett said, banging forward on the two front legs of his chair.

"I think we need at least a 24 hour break before getting back into things again," Carlisle replied, cracking the very smallest of smiles. "Besides, we did well tonight; we know that we're dealing with one very-skilled nomad who is likely in an agreement with the Volturi. That's enough, for today."

"So I can get the measuring tape now?" I said with a serious expression, and Carlisle's face cracked into a genuine smile.

"You can get the measuring tape," he repeated, and I threw my chair back and headed for the door. "One thing, Jasper," Carlisle said, moving from the head of the table to stand beside me. "I know Bella is the first relationship you've ever had, and I know that you love her. But please, try not to kill Edward; he doesn't mean anything by his actions, he just doesn't know how else to deal with his feelings."

"_Feelings?_"

"You know what I mean," Carlisle replied. I didn't, but I smiled tight-lipped before darting through the front door like a bullet.

My mind buzzed with a thousand different scenarios of Edward and Bella as I ran through the woods; from her drained and lifeless beneath him, to her screaming with pleasure on top of him. And in every scenario I was there; broken-hearted and foolish and desperate for her love.

As I neared her street my heart, so cold and lifeless and so _hers_, seemed to leap up my throat. I could see her house now; a tiny matchbox almost indistinguishable from the others around it, and every light in the matchbox was out.

I slowed to a jog as I got closer, pulling my watch out beneath a street light-- 12:07. I glanced back up to the house. Lights off meant that Charlie and Bella were likely both asleep; Ergo, if Bella was asleep she couldn't have been having sex with Edward. I walked up her drive way and inhaled deeply; Edward had been here, there was no doubt about that. I moved towards the large oak tree and there, by the base, was a cardigan and a pair of tights. This is where Edward had dropped them? I picked up the articles of clothing and leaped into the tree, climbing up the branches before slipping lithely through Bella's open window.

And there she was: Asleep. No damage. No gaping neck wound. No suffocating smell of sex in the air. Just her, _sleeping_. I watched, transfixed, as she rolled onto her back; one arm dangling limply over the bed. She was wearing one of my favorite beat-up grey t-shirts and I only wanted to scream with delight and incredulity at my own irrationally jealous predictions of her and Edward.

She mumbled something indistinguishable in her sleep and I leant forward to brush her forehead with my lips, pausing only slightly to ensure that there was no lingering smell of Edward here.

"Sleep well, beautiful," I said quietly, standing up from her bed and heading towards her desk. I scribbled a quick message onto the front of her Biology notepad before slipping through the window undetected.

When I landed at the base of the tree, I knew immediately that something had changed in those few stolen moments.

For one, Edward was standing not two feet from where I was; his face more solemn than I had ever seen it. And for two, his hands -the hands which were so usually impeccably clean and well manicured- were now all but drenched in someone else's blood.

"Edward!" I hissed in disbelief, immediately cutting off my own breathing. The smell of it still flooded my senses though, and I lurched forward towards the blood, eager to find the source which had spilt it.

"Jasper, snap out of it!" Edward said quickly, his eyes darting around the road. Without another word, he ran to the end of the driveway, sloshing his hands into the flooded gutter to rinse them free of blood.

I nodded slowly as he returned, my mind growing clearer. "That's better," I said, breathing deeply. "That's… it's better now. What-- what the fuck happened, Edward?!"

His emotions dipped into fear and sadness; a combination that I had never felt before from him. "She was bleeding out, I-- I was just trying to stop the blood, but her-- the entire neck had been split and I--"

"_Who_ Edward, who was bleeding out?!"

Edward's frenzied eyes met mine for a moment. "Angela. Angel Webber, do you know her?"

I did. She had always been the year below me, but since I had dropped back to the Junior year I had been in quite a few classes with her.

"She's dead?" I asked slowly, already sensing Edward's grief and compassion.

"No, she's…" Edward glanced up. "Not yet. I called Carlisle, he's on his way to the hospital now."

I shook my head in bewilderment. "What happened?"

"I don't know," Edward said hopelessly, pacing back and forth on the Swan's drive. "I came here to drop of Bella's clothes, I wanted to piss you off, but then I heard something. I could hear someone's mind and their disgusting, hateful thoughts which were so beyond human--"

"A vampire? You mean…" Realization began to dawn on me then, frighteningly lucid realization. The thoughts, the slit neck, the purpose to kill rather than feed; whatever had attacked Angela was the exact thing that we had been investigating over the past week. Whatever we had been tracking had finally arrived in Forks.

"You're right," Edward said slowly, reading the answer before I could speak it.

"Where?" I snapped briskly, my eyes rapidly scanning the street. "Where did you find Angela?"

"About a mile south, just outside of--"

"Stay here," I said sternly, gripping Edward roughly by the shoulders. "Stay here and look after Bella--"

"Jasper, I--"

"_Please_, Edward," I continued, pushing the full extent of my persuasion against him. "Just stay."

He nodded silently, and without another breath, I tore away from the Swan residence, darting through the trees as swiftly as I could. My mind was screaming at me; fear for Bella's safety having overtaken all else. Whoever this was clearly had skill and strength well beyond my own, and doubt began to filter through my thoughts as to whether or not I would have the power to protect her if it came to a fight.

Power to defend my Bella.

My Bella, my Bella, my Bella, my Bella, my--

A scent hit me then with the power and weight of a wrecking ball; ceasing my desperate run mid stride. It flooded my lungs, soaking itself into my skin until it was all that I could smell, all that I could taste and feel and choke on, and it burnt me from inside to out.

Fear gripped me, holding me steadfast to the spot. Because this scent, this crippling, foul stench of death was one that I had not encountered for over half a century. This scent, despite everything and anything that I would ever go through, was one that I would never forget.

And just like that, every piece of the illusive puzzle we had been playing fell into place. Every question, every stitch of evidence that we had found made terrifying sense, and I was running without another thought…

…Running, as far as I could, from the scent of Maria Adalina.

**Finally! I've been wanting to write her in since the beginning. This is going to be fun…**

**Thoughts?**

**Oh, and no, Adalina is not Maria's last name. The book never specifies so I simply gave her that one.**


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